[Artchic528]

I recently went out on a date with a guy, but he has yet to initiate contact with me since I told him I had a good time, after he took me home.

So now I'm looking am looking at new guys on OKCupid to keep myself busy and distract myself from being sad that he hasn't talked to me. I contacted one guy whose profile I really liked earlier today. Basically, I decided to initiate contact with a message that talked about something we both had in common, which was that we were originally from Minnesota. My message basically said something like "You're from MN too? Nice place with all those lakes, but bad for mosquitos, right?"

He was online at the time, and still is, but has yet to say a word back to me. A lot of guys do this. What am I doing wrong here?

[TishaBuv]

You're doing it right. It's not you that's the problem.

[seesaw]

I know I've said this before, but it is just a numbers game. Since you will only message one at a time, it's going to be a slow go of sifting through the guys that won't answer.

I don't think you're doing anything wrong...I think it's just going to take awhile.

Seesaw

[Artchic528]

*sigh*

He hasn't even looked at my profile. It's a shame because the "match %" for him is 92% out of 100%, according to the site. Thought that because we are both deeply into Harry Potter, LotR, and other books/movies of the same genre, and that we both like writing and drawing, that we'd really hit it off. Maybe I was being to presumptuous.

[TishaBuv]

Maybe he left the computer on and isn't in front of it. Also, good for you for not contacting the pony tail guy a second time!

[divine1966]

I don't think you did anything wrong initiating with MN guy. Who knows why he isn't replying. There are all kind of people out there

The guy that you went on a date with and didn't reply isn't going to reply. It's been too long already plus honestly him asking you to pay for your meal on a first date was a sign he wasn't interested. Guys don't ask women to pay on a first date unless they plan never seeing her again.

Don't give up

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[kamikazebaby]

Originally Posted by Artchic528

*sigh*

He hasn't even looked at my profile. It's a shame because the "match %" for him is 92% out of 100%, according to the site. Thought that because we are both deeply into Harry Potter, LotR, and other books/movies of the same genre, and that we both like writing and drawing, that we'd really hit it off. Maybe I was being to presumptuous.

I've met two people who were 95%+ with me and I found major problems in those interactions. I think the compatibility rating is pretty superficial and not a great predictor of real compatibility. I'd take it with a grain (maybe a spoonful) of salt. And sometimes shared interests really don't matter, especially if you have vastly different world-views, moral frameworks, and life goals.

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by Artchic528

*sigh*

He hasn't even looked at my profile. It's a shame because the "match %" for him is 92% out of 100%, according to the site. Thought that because we are both deeply into Harry Potter, LotR, and other books/movies of the same genre, and that we both like writing and drawing, that we'd really hit it off. Maybe I was being to presumptuous.

This is why you need to send out more first messages than one at a time. You're messaging one guy, waiting and waiting for him to reply, and getting disappointed, going through the rejection, and then having to start all over again. If you at least sent first messages to a few guys, you could focus on the one that responds so you don't have to be in conversations with more than one at a time.

I also think those match percentages are vastly superficial and not based in reality. Having just a few books that you both like and a couple of hobbies in common doesn't really predict whether or not you'll be a good match.

I would move on to the next guy instead of waiting for this one to reply.

Seesaw

[Artchic528]

I think I already established that I tend to get confused and anxious when juggling multiple guys at once. I think it's all a part of my MI, whatever dx that may be. I'm more centered and less anxiety ridden when focusing on one guy at a time. It's just how I work. Maybe it's a long and tedious haul, and I do get discouraged more often than not by it, but I don't ever stop looking.

Anyways, I'll give this guy a few more hours to reply. He might have left the site open on a computer at home and went to work. I sometimes leave the site open when I'm browsing the web just because I get more responses if they see that I'm active and/or online. He might be doing that very same thing, perhaps in addition to leaving the site open while at work. I'm all about not writing off a guy for petty things, like not replying within a half an hour. We all have lives after all, and can't be at someone's beck and call 24/7, right?

[Talthybius]

It's online dating. Does one actually ever feel something without meeting?
I mean, many people must only open profiles and chat on dating sites when they are completely bored.

I have tried to chat on a dating site. It's mind numbing, regardless of the person. And I say that as a millennial.

[Bill3]

I suggest that you message one guy and then leave that site until the next day. On the next day you can see if he replied and then follow up if he has replied.

From my perspective you are already overly invested in this guy from MN. It sounds like your plan was to wait around until he replied so that you could reply at once if he did actually respond. How accurate am I?

[seesaw]

Well, Bill, in her defense, this site has a chat function where if the person is online you can immediately chat with them. So it sounds like she thought they were available to chat, and then didn't get a response.

[scorpiosis37]

Dating is not only about common interests or match percentage; it's also about physical attraction and finding someone who is your "type." If he likes curvy brunettes and you're a skinny blonde, he's just not going to message you back because you are not what he is looking for. In cases like that, you did nothing wrong-- you're just not his type. So why wait around to see if he is going to message back? If someone doesn't respond within 24 hours, they are probably just not interested. Try not to attach to someone so quickly; you literally don't know them yet!