[Pikku Myy]

I have been thru a lot On PC past five years - good and super bad times. I have such deep trust, abuse and commitment issues it is not funny. I have found my match in someone this person is willing to help, loves me, gives me everything i want.... i am feeling like i reject him. He wants to keep me stable and try to cure me. I feel so numb to this strong person now And somehow distant. I have other personal issues I am dealing with. Is this emitional overloaf or unconcious rejection?

[Michelea]

You said you found your match, and he loves you. Do you love him?

[Crazy Hitch]

"Trying to cure you"

He should be careful he's not trying to be your therapist

Hopefully he's a confidant with good listening ears

[TishaBuv]

I feel like I am an idiot, too, for feeling what I am feeling. But what you feel is what you feel. It doesn't make you an idiot. You feel it for a reason.

Just keep reminding yourself you are blessed to have this person in your life, and enjoy them. It may be your trust issue telling yourself that if they may leave you. Tell yourself to love and live. If someone stops loving you and leaves, that's ok.

[FireIsland123]

What TishaBuv said.

[hazn]

It doesn't sound like you're ready to have a relationship. A lack of trust, commitment, communication, etc, doesn't make for a good relationship. This sounds more like a codependent type of dynamic to me, and they never end well.

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by Crazy Hitch

He should be careful he's not trying to be your therapist

Hopefully he's a confidant with good listening ears

First thing that came to mind here Pikku. Thing is there are two things to be careful of here. First that he's not wanting to be with you in order to be a rescuer. Some guys (even myself so I speak from experience) try to be a white knight in a way and are drawn to those that need help because if we can be the one to "save them" it gives us our "value" It is in and of itself, a dysfunction the same as wanting to be with someone because they are wanting to save us. It's a very real dynamic.

That brings me to your statement that he is your match. Is he your match or are you attracted to this man because he is trying ot save you or fix you? There is something going on in some situations where one willl pllay the part of the one needing help and the other plays the helper. The problem with this dynamic is that it is so dependent on the other that neither of you will lknow how to behave once the real crisis is gone.

TBH you should be attracted to someone that wants and allows you to be independent and healthy but does not take it on as their responsibility to make happen. You should be on equal footing and in this I do not see that happening. Once you're fixed or have gotten to a more stable place, what is goign to happen? Will he get bored and leave? Will you get bored and leave? Will you both find you're in limbo then and create situations where the dynamic is continued?

Some things to ponder. I dunno if he's your match or not. only you can know that but just consider those things too

[hazn]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

First thing that came to mind here Pikku. Thing is there are two things to be careful of here. First that he's not wanting to be with you in order to be a rescuer. Some guys (even myself so I speak from experience) try to be a white knight in a way and are drawn to those that need help because if we can be the one to "save them" it gives us our "value" It is in and of itself, a dysfunction the same as wanting to be with someone because they are wanting to save us. It's a very real dynamic.

Did you figure out how to change this behavior? I identified it in myself some time ago and I've been working on changing my thinking so it's no longer a thing for me, but I think it's still probably there. I mean, logically I know it's not right and I know it's not what I want for myself, but I still feel like it's there waiting to be triggered. It's a very neurotic and unhealthy way of relating to others. It's also weird for me in that on one hand I want to be that person for someone, whilst at the same time I kind of want them to be that person for me. Very contradictory. If you have any advice would really appreciate if you could drop me a PM or something.

Sorry for going off topic OP.

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by hazn

Did you figure out how to change this behavior? I identified it in myself some time ago and I've been working on changing my thinking so it's no longer a thing for me, but I think it's still probably there. I mean, logically I know it's not right and I know it's not what I want for myself, but I still feel like it's there waiting to be triggered. It's a very neurotic and unhealthy way of relating to others. It's also weird for me in that on one hand I want to be that person for someone, whilst at the same time I kind of want them to be that person for me. Very contradictory. If you have any advice would really appreciate if you could drop me a PM or something.

Sorry for going off topic OP.

it's ok you can friend me then pm if youw ant to talk to me about it so we don't derail things.

[Bill3]

.When we are hurting we want change...but at the same time change can be frightening. He may be coming on too strong in seeming to offer both relationship change and mental health change.