Help, My girlfriend was a Stripper, Now she is the best women ever.

Im sorry maybe i said it incorrectly...
Shes the first girlfriend thats worked in a sex industry. What i am trying to say is that i think of her as two separate entities. One entity is her as a person of her past, the bad and indecent person. And the second entity, the goo woman she is today.
So what i am trying to say is... She is one person but In my head, shes two separate entities... But the good her reminds me of the bad her. The better she becomes, the more i see the old her.

Its like having a girlfriend that reminds you of an ex girlfriend. Maybe its the sound of her voice, her physical appearance, maybe they have the same name.... But its a reminder each time...

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Also the assumption that you call one good and the other bad is another issue. Umm who are you to judge one that you were not with at the time and never knew? Sex industry people may not have a job that you find respectable but that's subjective isn't it?

I don't see any issue with someone having subjective opinion of someone else's job choice. It's personal preference not to date former sex industry workers. I think the issue is wanting to date her yet judging at the same time. If it's unacceptable to you then dont date her

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She was a horrible person,

Help me, i am so very desperate.

The thing is i know deep down and in my heart that she has changed. Who she is now, is exactly who she has always wanted to be. So I dont doubt her genuineness for a second. I believe she has finally found her path and i believe this new path is the one she will always follow... In fact, many times, she keeps even myself grounded. This is not the issue. The issue is my head, my thoughts, my memory... Im triggered by everything.

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Hi peaceseeker16! I can see this from both sides of the story, I am not a professional by any means, but hopefully my input may help shed some light on this difficult situation.

Would it be fair for me to say that your biggest fear is that she is "putting on an act"? You don't know everything that happened in her past life and you are imagining the worst (prostitution). You might have struggles with these persistent thoughts that might affect your sexual attraction toward her, but you need to ask yourself, how much of those thoughts are true? You must find the root of why you feel this way, is it jealousy? Is it fear of potential cheating? Perhaps, it's her possibly leaving you in the future? Trust me, I can relate to being plagued with thoughts the "gross past" of others myself, but personally had to remind myself not to judge.

In your girlfriend's case, she's had to live in a dysfunctional environment, where you may or may not have. However, the way she was raised is a dark contrast to how average people are brought up. The reason why she is the best person ever, is because she is finally loved (by you). She has probably never felt real love before. I could guess that she was on a hunt for real love since her dad left. She "learned" (dysfunction) that men will give her love based on her looks. The sad thing is, she probably learned this at such an early age, that she became very skilled at it, and found a way to do it for money. Stripping. If she didn't love and trust you to her utmost, I'm sure she wouldn't have revealed her dark past. She is likely afraid of losing you, as you are of her. So, if she is the great woman you say she is, I can assure you, that she feels absolutely disgusting and wretched about her past. Maybe even cries about it sometimes.

I wouldn't press the issue with discovering more of her past, but I would suggest individual counselling for yourself before going to couple's counselling, which would be strongly suggested before committing to marriage.

I really hope this helped.

After my girlfriend and I got together, she told me she use to be a stripper.
At the time i wasnt taking her that serious, so to be honest it was horrible but i didnt really care. Aside from stripping, i believe she slept with a lot of men. Of course i found this terrible but again, i thought she would be someone just to waist my time with. All her life (until recently) she has been very insecure, seeking and needing valation from men and people for her outer appearance. It is apparent that she never had a sense of selfworth after some of the trauma in her life. Her father left her was she was a kid and since, she lived in a disfunctional home with family. She was molested once before in her life but remembers very little of the incident or has suppressed it (which is why i dont understand why she became hyper sexual instead or not wanting to engage at all). She would jump into a relationship/hook up, then into another. Some relationship normal and others very sickening causing her depression and PTSD. She was a horrible person, the type of person perhaps no man would ever want to marry, everything she did was a matter of choice... However she has drastically changed! She is a completely different person, the type of woman any man would love to marry. I want to marry her but I have a huge issue that is ripping me apart. The better she becomes, I fall more in love with who she is today. Also the better she becomes, the more i see the disgust of the person she use to be and who i use to date. Throughout the day, i have panic attacks thinking of her gross past (the stripping, sexual hypersexualization, sexual relationships, probably even prostitution) Thinking about everything she did and stood for. I have so many questions in my head that will never be answered. I have entered into a depression because I WANT TO MARRY THE GIRL, she is so perfect but her face and presence is a reminder of what i hate more than anything in life. I am afraid i will have these thoughts on my mind for as long as i live. I dont know how to remove these thoughts, images and memories of her out of my head. I am reminded of this on a daily basis. I have severe PTSD and depression. I dont want to live life like this! And i dont want to live life like this with her but i also can not stand the thought of not being with her. Help me, i am so very desperate.

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