[Crazy Hitch]

We've been together for 5 months. I don't think there's a "right" or a "wrong" time to disclose the fact that I have a MI. We've grown really close over the last 5 months.

I'm worried I may be going into a depressive (slight) state. Negative thoughts, crying at the drop of a hat.

Reality is if he leaves me now, knowing that I'm bp, he would leave me during an episode anyway .... In having said that, I truly don't believe disclosing this would impact on his commitment to this relationship.

I'm clearly thinking out loud and just sharing my nerves. I'm going to hold back on how much I disclose [I have no intentions to ever tell him that I was hospitalised last year due to a psychotic episode where I decided I would be smart and stop my meds - that's something I will never repeat.]

I feel like saying wish me luck but that doesn't feel appropriate

Good luck. Youi've postponed fair disclosure by a few months in my opinion, but what do I know - I'm a crazy person.

[Crazy Hitch]

Originally Posted by Lefty the Salesman

Good luck. Youi've postponed fair disclosure by a few months in my opinion, but what do I know - I'm a crazy person.

Ha! Thanks I don't know if we get more crazy than me around here

Sooner the better, anyway. Maybe he suspects already and loves you anyway.

[Michelea]

Okay, wishing you good luck doesn't feel appropriate....then I send hugs and strength your way.

[~Christina]

I would say now would be a good time to let that lil cat outta the bag..

I honestly think most people can figure out something is a bit different about us Bipolar peeps. Talking about your Bipolar could easily make your relationship closer.

I didn't know I was Bipolar until I was 43. When I was diagnosed Bipolar my current husband , said ,,Oh well that explains some things LOL . Its not always been LOL ...but my Bipolar didn't scare him away... He loves me and that includes the Bipolar bits.

As for spilling on your past IP stays? I personally wouldn't worry about giving him details until I saw how he was dealing with " Bipolar"

I often think if I was tossed back into the bipolar dating pool I would probably wait a few months and if "Bipolar" scared someone away I would be grateful that I didn't waste anymore time on someone that just wasn't able to or want to understand.

Good luck and just do what feels right to you

[Crazy Hitch]

Originally Posted by Lefty the Salesman

Sooner the better, anyway. Maybe he suspects already and loves you anyway.

To the best of my knowledge I've been stable since I met him although my judgment can sometimes be subjective

[Crazy Hitch]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

I would say now would be a good time to let that lil cat outta the bag..

I honestly think most people can figure out something is a bit different about us Bipolar peeps. Talking about your Bipolar could easily make your relationship closer.

I didn't know I was Bipolar until I was 43. When I was diagnosed Bipolar my current husband , said ,,Oh well that explains some things LOL . Its not always been LOL ...but my Bipolar didn't scare him away... He loves me and that includes the Bipolar bits.

As for spilling on your past IP stays? I personally wouldn't worry about giving him details until I saw how he was dealing with " Bipolar"


I often think if I was tossed back into the bipolar dating pool I would probably wait a few months and if "Bipolar" scared someone away I would be grateful that I didn't waste anymore time on someone that just wasn't able to or want to understand.

Good luck and just do what feels right to you

Thanks for this Christina. Makes a lot of sense. Really don't think he'll do a runner....

[leomama]

Originally Posted by Crazy Hitch

We've been together for 5 months. I don't think there's a "right" or a "wrong" time to disclose the fact that I have a MI. We've grown really close over the last 5 months.


I'm worried I may be going into a depressive (slight) state. Negative thoughts, crying at the drop of a hat.


Reality is if he leaves me now, knowing that I'm bp, he would leave me during an episode anyway .... In having said that, I truly don't believe disclosing this would impact on his commitment to this relationship.


I'm clearly thinking out loud and just sharing my nerves. I'm going to hold back on how much I disclose [I have no intentions to ever tell him that I was hospitalised last year due to a psychotic episode where I decided I would be smart and stop my meds - that's something I will never repeat.]


I feel like saying wish me luck but that doesn't feel appropriate

May I ask why you didn't tell him before you went out on a date with him? I even tell a woman who asks me to hang out (I'm a heterosexual female) that I have PTSD because I never know when I might get triggered.

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[divine1966]

I think it's a good time to disclose. I mean not details but in general. My husband disclosed on 4th date ( not bipolar, something else), I suspected things but wasn't hundred percent sure but i was getting annoyed with some things. As soon as I found out diagnosis and Meds and how things worked I stopped being annoyed with small things because they were parts of something he couldn't control. I was so glad he told me what that was.

Perhaps your BF knowing your diagnosis would make it much easier for him to deal with whatever issues he might start noticing. I am all for full disclosure of everything early on if people have plans for serious relationship and commitment.

Sending you hugs

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[healingme4me]

I would compare disclosure of bipolar as to telling someone of a diabetic diagnosis because in a serious relationship, careful monitoring is necessary.
I wouldn't feel too bad about not telling immediately. I wouldn't disclose my MS which is in remission and has been for years unless I felt serious about that next step to longevity. I could relapse, then again, I might not.

"Investigate your hidden assumptions."-Cornel West

Originally Posted by healingme4me

I would compare disclosure of bipolar as to telling someone of a diabetic diagnosis

With all due respect, that's a weak analogy. A bipolar partner doesn't need to constantly monitor their blood sugar level lest they drift into hypoglycemia or diabetic shock: candy intake notwithstanding, they can rapidly and literally wreck your life.

Apples and oranges, and the orange has a razor blade hidden in it.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by Lefty the Salesman

With all due respect, that's a weak analogy. A bipolar partner doesn't need to constantly monitor their blood sugar level lest they drift into hypoglycemia or diabetic shock: candy intake notwithstanding, they can rapidly and literally wreck your life.

Apples and oranges, and the orange has a razor blade hidden in it.

I certainly don't mean to offend. And yes not the greatest of analogies. My cousin who is, does need to be mindful of her sleep schedule and make certain of her nutrition as part of staying on an even keel. It is important for her husband to know and understand her mi in order to have sensitivity to her and it works for them, it works for her.

Isn't it important to learn and understand where bipolar fits into their lives?

"Investigate your hidden assumptions."-Cornel West

Originally Posted by healingme4me

Isn't it important to learn and understand where bipolar fits into their lives?

Without question, and I certainly don't mean to offend, either. My point was only that diabetes is a disease that affects the blood sugar equilibrium of the patient; bipolar disorder is a subtle but vicious mental illness with the potential to reach beyond the patient and destroy lives, property, careers and reputations if left untreated or not taken seriously.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by Lefty the Salesman

Without question, and I certainly don't mean to offend, either. My point was only that diabetes is a disease that affects the blood sugar equilibrium of the patient; bipolar disorder is a subtle but vicious mental illness with the potential to reach beyond the patient and destroy lives, property, careers and reputations if left untreated or not taken seriously.

I'm very familiar with diabetes. My late stepdad had it, my grandmother has it as does my half sister on my dad's side and as did my late paternal grandmom.
For me, in tossing these illness out there together in terms of when to disclose to a romantic partner seemed ok because diabetes when properly treating isn't something that needs disclosure right away. I felt that each after getting to know one another, a delay would seem justifiable in the sense that, hey look, watch how well I've taken care of myself, but it's important to know going forward, a relapse could occur with bipolar-provided it's being treated and monitored or hey look it's important to know that there could be a high or low sugar moment, here's what to do.

With MS, it's stress that can be a major factor. Eventually, as a relationship evolves, recognizing that stress or colds or no clear cause at all can be trigger enough for a flare up. For me, better communication reduces my stress immensely.

But I see you are saying about untreated mental illness and how damaging the results are.

"Investigate your hidden assumptions."-Cornel West

[Hairball]

Hitch, good luck hun!! At least u will know where u stand as far as his commitment level that will be good.

[Crazy Hitch]

Originally Posted by leomama

May I ask why you didn't tell him before you went out on a date with him? I even tell a woman who asks me to hang out (I'm a heterosexual female) that I have PTSD because I never know when I might get triggered.

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Because I didn't want to be judged as a person before he got to know who I am. It doesn't define the grand sum total of who I am, and it's not something I disclose to people

[Crazy Hitch]

Originally Posted by divine1966

I think it's a good time to disclose. I mean not details but in general. My husband disclosed on 4th date ( not bipolar, something else), I suspected things but wasn't hundred percent sure but i was getting annoyed with some things. As soon as I found out diagnosis and Meds and how things worked I stopped being annoyed with small things because they were parts of something he couldn't control. I was so glad he told me what that was.

Perhaps your BF knowing your diagnosis would make it much easier for him to deal with whatever issues he might start noticing. I am all for full disclosure of everything early on if people have plans for serious relationship and commitment.

Sending you hugs

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He did say he'd never have guessed I was once I'd told him last night , but more on that later

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Crazy Hitch

Because I didn't want to be judged as a person before he got to know who I am. It doesn't define the grand sum total of who I am, and it's not something I disclose to people

It's certainly unnecessary to disclose to people whom you never even met. IMHO disclosing when you are already dating is totally appropriate

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[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Crazy Hitch

He did say he'd never have guessed I was once I'd told him last night , but more on that later

Oh that's cool, hope all went well. I said that I noticed and guessed about my husband because he has Tourette's. It is obviously noticeable even if I didn't know exactly what that was. Severe OCD is noticeable as well but could be something else etc I have met bipolar people and nothing was noticeable on surface. Good for you telling him

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[leomama]

Originally Posted by Crazy Hitch

Because I didn't want to be judged as a person before he got to know who I am. It doesn't define the grand sum total of who I am, and it's not something I disclose to people

Thank you for answering my question. I am fortunate that my partner also has PTSD so it helps. My former husband has untreated diagnosed bipolar, that relationship increased my PTSD. I wish you luck.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by divine1966

It's certainly unnecessary to disclose to people whom you never even met. IMHO disclosing when you are already dating is totally appropriate

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I wasn't clear on what was going on, and of course I would not advise that. I apologize for misreading. Sometimes I am on my phone and I get confused.

I was talking about disclosing to someone before you hang out with them, of course PTSD works different then bipolar, I assume.

I would disclose to someone in case I got triggered when we were out together, for example the sound and vibration of employees at cafes dragging chairs across floors to put them away totally triggers me and I would want my friend to know why I was jumpy.

Originally Posted by Lefty the Salesman

Without question, and I certainly don't mean to offend, either. My point was only that diabetes is a disease that affects the blood sugar equilibrium of the patient; bipolar disorder is a subtle but vicious mental illness with the potential to reach beyond the patient and destroy lives, property, careers and reputations if left untreated or not taken seriously.

Any disease can affect the people around the patient just as much as mental illness if they don't try to get help for it. If someone with diabetes doesn't take care of themselves and eats junk food all day, it can be equally as hard to watch them get sick. But the word "diabetes" alone doesn't scare people. The word "bipolar" does. It shouldn't have to be like this. Mental illness is a disorder and that itself is beyond the patient's control. The only reason that word is so scary for people is because of ignorance. It's beyond sad. That's why people feel the need to hide it, when in a better world they won't have to.

....I'm really hoping that he accepts you as you are, and takes the time to educate himself on mental illness before making assumptions. If he doesn't, it says a lot about who he is as a person. Everyone has issues of some type. It's really how you deal with them, which I am learning.

[hazn]

When you tell someone about your mental illness, do you explain what it actually entails? It's one thing to tell someone you're bipolar, it's another to tell them what kinds of behavior they can expect and to let them decide whether or not that's acceptable to them.

It feels wrong *to me* to let someone fall in love with you and then tell them about your MI afterwards. Especially if it's something that is likely going to have a big impact on the relationship.

I understand that you might not want them prematurely judging you based on your MI, but is not telling them in the beginning and waiting until their already attached a good idea? If people were told in the beginning, then perhaps they could make a decision based on logic and what their thoughts are concerning MI. They can then decide whether it's something they can deal with. By delaying it, emotions are going to play a big part in the decision-making.

I don't know, but I wonder if this is the best approach for both of your sakes.

Originally Posted by hazn

It feels wrong *to me* to let someone fall in love with you and then tell them about your MI afterwards. Especially if it's something that is likely going to have a big impact on the relationship.

But if someone truly loves you it shouldn't matter that you have a mental illness. Even people without mental illnesses do things their partner can't handle and they leave them because of it. So if they can't deal with you, they can't deal with you...it shouldn't matter if you have a label for it or not. And so far he has been fine with her, so if he left just because she told him that, that would be very closed minded and judgmental on his part.

I think that it's the person's business who they choose to disclose to and when. We shouldn't have to walk around with it written on our foreheads.