[BluePlue]

Hey everyone, I'm new here and just really wanted to let out some of my emotions. So lately I've been feeling really afraid of losing my boyfriend due to this growing depression. The ironic thing is that I'm becoming depressed because I feel like he just doesn't understand me. This happened when I was a teenager also and I felt alone, but my solution (not the greatest idea) was to just pretend I was someone else. We have very different opinions of the world and life and I do realize I can't blame him for any of that but lately I've been feeling like everything is my fault and if I just start pretending like I used to that we would be better off. He is very strong willed, which is one thing I love about him, but that strong will is impossible to bear when all you want is to be heard and told it's gonna be ok. Anyway sorry for the long post just wanted to talk to someone about this.

[Skeezyks]

Hello BluePlue: Welcome to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit. (By the way... your post wasn't long at all... no apologies necessary!)

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. There are many knowledgeable & caring members here. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!

[kamikazebaby]

I'm sorry. Sometimes people want so much for their reality to be their loved one's reality (or the only reality) that they try to force it. It sounds a bit like what your boyfriend is doing. If you have to pretend with someone, that means you can't really have true emotional intimacy with that person. It's hard to trust or be vulnerable when we can't be ourselves and our reality is dismissed or invalidated. Has he said things or acted in ways that make you fear you'll lose him if you don't pretend? Or is it more seeing that the current situation is untenable?

It doesn't sound like you can feel safe with him.

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

He is very strong willed, which is one thing I love about him, but that strong will is impossible to bear when all you want is to be heard and told it's gonna be ok - I very much expect he returns your feelings, but I wonder if he is unsure how to deal with your feelings of depression. They can be very frightening for people unfamiliar with depression.

Perhaps you are in a spiral of depression that makes him more amd more uncomfortable and perhaps you need a little relief - maybe your doctor can prescribe medication just to help you break the cycle?

I wonder if you can give him some steer on how to help - say perhaps 'I would like sometime to take my mind off things, take me to the seaside or bowling or wrestling greased pigs', then he can feel he is doing something which will be a relief to him, and he may be more receptive to talking about things. Just a thought.

[Bill3]

What happens when you speak or act contrary to that strong will?

[BluePlue]

Originally Posted by Skeezyks

Hello BluePlue: Welcome to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit. (By the way... your post wasn't long at all... no apologies necessary!)

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. There are many knowledgeable & caring members here. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!

Aww thanks so much! 😊