What is wrong with me?

I am starting therapy soon so that I can understand why I've repeatedly had difficulties in my intimate relationships. My boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me pretty recently and we're living together as "friends"/"roommates" for the time being.

Our relationship seems like it's been unhealthy for a long time, but each of us decided to ultimately stay together, until now. Since the break-up, which was nearly 2 weeks ago, I have come home from work and literally sat around with him until bed, while he plays video games to "cope."

Since before we broke up, our interactions have consisted of the following:

--light/humorous conversations

--arguing

--me crying and him getting angry

--me getting angry and him ignoring me

Our major relationship problems consist of:

-- A lack of sex / intimacy / affection (I want this, he doesn't...for multiple reasons.)

-- Cheating (I cheated for a long time and lied about it. I know this definitely added to our problems.)

-- Arguing (...over ANYTHING - our lack of sex, how I cheated, how I think he isn't thoughtful, etc. )

-- Jealousy (I'm typically the one who gets jealous.)

-- Isolation (He only wants to sit home, get high, watch television and/or play video games - hence he now has no friends and does not want to try out any other activities).

-- Boredom (I am bored -- see above).

-- Codependency (I am pretty codependent.)

With all of this information in mind, is it possible to save our relationship?

I really do love him. Thank you.

I don't see any listed positive aspects of when you were in the relationship.

How long before there's a new living situation? Privacy is important to getting over a relationship.



"Investigate your hidden assumptions."-Cornel West

Sounds like my recent breakup. I still love him but we are just not compatible. I can't make him happy/he can't make me happy. I would get out and move on. There are more negatives than positives.

I am hoping that therapy will help you understand yourself and therefore understand the relationship.

Does he know about you being unfaithful?

That's an almost guaranteed deal breaker in any relationship.

What patterns happened repeatedly in all the relationships? Is his lack of interest in sex with you because you cheated or did you cheat because of his lack of interest?

Although it appears as though I mentioned none, there were positives - it's just now, they are mostly outweighed by the negatives. He is my best friend (or was) and can make me laugh more than anyone else in the entire world.

I am trying to decide what to do now. I started looking for apartment postings today, actually! I just want to make sure there isn't any way we can work it out living together first...

You are right on compatibility. I am trying to decide what to do. If there was a chance at all we could both change a little or a lot, I would want to try to do that.

Thank you Bill3! I am hoping so, as well!

He does know about it. I lied for a really long time, and ultimately he put the pieces together before I came clean.

I have cheated in several different relationships I've been in. I would like to say that I cheated because of his lack of interest in sex -- yes (and I did not cheat until after we stopped having sex). It is interesting that I have done this before though. What kind of character flaw is that?