Dearly beloved

I tried addressing this topic in another forum and results weren't satisfactory so I'm going to try again here.

Recently I shared how upsetting it was to me when certain people only like pictures of my daughter and nothing else on my page. I took down a picture of my daughter, edited it, rewrote the caption and reposted it.

My relationship with my daughter is complex. People can't figure out what we are when we're out in public together. I look like a teenager on my good days and she is a teenager. We are different colors. We've role played out in public her being adopted, me being her babysitter, her friend, sister, for our own amusement.
I feel very protective of her, for good reason.
I find it ironic that people ask me if I have a support when I tell them her father is sociopathic. I don't need support. I have it and a lot of it.

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I'd find it bizarre if the only likes on my page, that I received were photos of my sons.

I'm a whole person. Not just a mom. And I'm worthy of being regarded as such.

"Investigate your hidden assumptions."-Cornel West

People probably ask if you have support because they can't possibly know you already have it and lots of it. I am not sure why it's ironic.

I don't know why people don't like anything on your page, but your daughters pics. Who are these people? I am not on Facebook. I think if it's triggering or annoying, it might be good to take time off it. I hear people complain about Facebook a lot. I think it's ok to simply not be on it or not friend questionable people. IMHO

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Exactly!

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I have over 300 friends, these are a small minority. I'm on Facebook because I edit a page and because it's how I stay in touch with my friends, my religion, mental health, fitness, gardening, and more. Facebook is not the problem. It's the people who don't acknowledge that my daughter belongs to me, that we are a package deal, if they don't want to deal with me they can go to her page. I think I solved my problem. As I said I am very protective of my child, for very good reason.

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Can you unfriend these people? Or block them?

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No, one of them is the former church school director, and I've tried to talk to her about my daughter. To be fair to her, she has tried to help. Its very complicated. I think that would be sending the wrong message if I unfriended her, and besides my therapist told me no more unfriending or blocking for me. That's borderline behavior, and I can't do that anymore. I have to learn how to ignore people.

My daughter and church and church school is very complicated.

I may post about it in the healthy parenting forum at some point.

A simple solution? Don't post pictures of your daughter unless you are in it as well. She can post her own photos - she's not property, she doesn't belong to you.

What other stuff do you post besides pictures of her, that you are offended people don't like? Pictures of yourself? Pictures of scenery/inanimate things? Memes? Jokes? Status updates? News articles?

Lots of people only pay attention to specific things people post, and then facebooks newsfeed makes decisions for you that are totally weird (I've often wondered who's fb I'm signed in to because for ages it will be pictures of people I don't know that my friends have liked!)

A lot of people will click like on pictures of someone's child. Because they tend to assume that the parents is proud of the kid, and would appreciate the shared love. How are they to know that you'll be jealous and resentful of it?

I think that this thread has reached its usefulness in this forum. Thank you for your participation .

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You start numerous threads on different forums and it seems if you don't get a response your looking for you dismiss the thread.

Maybe if you tell us what advice you want responders can be more helpful

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I'm not looking for advice or a specific response. That's called forum shopping. I don't do that. I think it's intellectually weak and that's one thing I am not.

For example the member that accused me of being jealous and resentful of my daughter is so far off base I don't even know where to begin, so I won't. This clearly is the wrong forum for this issue.
The critical responses I get, 3 on this forum, tell me I'm in the wrong forum. I know where to take this now, one of two other forums. I am sorry my process of deductive reasoning upsets you. I understand if you don't want to participate . To those who do, I appreciate your input, good or bad, it lets me know where I am going.

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Your response after I posted was very dismissive.

Your response to Christina is also rather snippy - but at least you let us know what you actually wanted. I didn't know you posted about this in more than one subforum - it makes it hard to not be repetitive if you don't know what half the conversation is due to it being elsewhere in the forum.

I did ask a valid question though - what sort of stuff do you want people to be liking?

I actually have not posted about this in more then one forum, I have been trying to get to the bottom of this and I know the forum that I can do that in because I know where this is coming from. It's not a relationships or communication issue. I wouldn't have known that until I posted here.
Please do not describe my posting in a critical manner, it's not helpful.
If my posting upsets you, please don't read it.

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So you like totally changed your post above mine. That's a huge change in post!

You misread my first post. You don't need to say "some other poster" when you are clearly speaking of me.

Changing a post after a reply is given is confusing to anyone that opens this thread, I'm not really sure why you tend to become angry and dismissive with seemingly all your threads. Maybe common sense advice isn't helpful for you ? I will bow out of your threads as you are rather rude when advice is given.

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I am trying to place principalities above personalities here. I'm finding this conversation difficult. I appreciate your input and it's missing the mark. Thank you for your contributions.

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I really don't appreciate you putting me down when I disagree with you. I'm trying to be respectful and stand up for myself. I appreciate your input. I am sorry it hasn't been a pleasant experience for you to interact with me. I am not trying to be difficult, actually the opposite.

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I haven't changed any posts. The dearly beloved in the subject is referring to my daughter. I have realized this is not the right forum to discuss this. I don't understand why you're being hostile when I realized I made a mistake. It's not a personal affront to you. I'm really not trying to create controversy.

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I'm sorry your having some wars with people here but I'm not here to add to that. I'm unaware of your other posts so I will add to this one.

I actually notice that on fb, pics of people's children do get liked a lot more. When I post something myself I get barely any response. But when I'm posting pics of my step kids I get likes out the ***. So I get what you're going through. It annoys me too. I don't have a solution for you but I'm just saying that I get it.

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Thank you, I'm not aware of my other posts either. I'm really trying hard to be peaceful.
In my case my relationship with my daughter is complex, not between us, we're thick as thieves, but between us and the outside world.
I get triggered by certain things on Facebook.
I'm kind of weary to say too much more publicly but I would be happy to discuss it in private message with you. I appreciate your kind response.

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Maybe stay away from fb for awhile? It may do you some good. That's great you're so close to your daughter to. And you can PM me anytime!

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What do you mean by saying "I am not aware of my other posts". Do you mean you don't know you made other posts???? I am confused on the meaning of this sentence. Sometimes it's unclear what you are trying to say in your posts

I still don't get it. If you two have great relationship then why are you upset people like her pictures?

I am a parent and am pleased if people make positive comments about my daughter.

If people don't like other things on your page and it's important to you, perhaps you could take a look what other things you post? Things that others don't appreciate?

You said you don't want to abandon Facebook but if your friends don't like anything on your page and cause you frustration perhaps those are not good friends?

Also if Facebook triggers you, perhaps it's wise to take time off or limit number of friends or become more selective with people

Are you in therapy? You tend to get very angry and good t can help you working on this issue.



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I get the most likes on photos of my children as well. I don't take it personally since I never post any of myself and therefore have nothing to compare it to. I am unusual on Facebook in that I rarely post, however. The only time I post pics of my kids is for a specific reason - an event, vacation, first day of school, etc., otherwise they don't appreciate It. I find Facebook triggering as well, so I limit my time on FB to maybe once or twice a week or even less unless I have specific people to reach out to. It's easy for me to become absorbed in that alternate reality if I'm not careful and that's not a healthy place for me to be. Maybe changing what you post or taking time off would be helpful?

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Hi everybody - it was a photo of the first day of school.
Facebook is not triggering.
It's not the amount of time I spend there.
It was this particular individual .
I really appreciate everybody's shares on my topic.


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It's not fb that's the problem. Fb is great. It's this particular person . I will pm you, I think I will have better luck there as I've made a mess of this thread. Thank you for your response.

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