[TishaBuv]

I am completely absorbed with trying to figure out and solve my problem.

My problem is I have traumatic emotional 'attacks' that cause me to

Possible trigger:

SH (hitting and playing pill roulette)

My problem is a reaction to my husband's inability to meet my few specific needs, and I do not trust that he loves me because he will not/ can not give this of himself for my sake.

I know I will have to end the relationship with him to save myself.

But I am desperately trying to solve my problem and still hoping there is a future for us.

Here I am being told by doctors and trying to disprove or accept the diagnosis of MI and PD, but it honestly is my husband's neglect to act upon meeting my very few basic, critical, understandable needs.

[Rose76]

When you and he were first seeing each other, did it seem then like he was meeting your needs? Did something change since then?

Whatever emotional diffuculties you may have related to a psych diagnosis can certainly be greatly exacerbated by being in a non-supportive relationship. At least that's been my experience.

I stopped living with my significant other because my symptoms were getting way worse when I did, ultimately leading to self-harm on my part that has left me with two embarrassing scars. (And I had no history of S.H. before that, or since.) So, though we are still involved with each other, we now live in separate residences.

Sometimes you have to leave to save your sanity. I did. Sometimes I think I should have left the relationship entirely, but I haven't.

I think S.H. can be a way of trying to make the invisible hurt visible.

[TishaBuv]

I never had this hysteria or SH before, but I was never married before. When past relationships went south, I left.

In the beginning, things felt good and promising of a happy life together. He was meeting my needs sexually because I was his new toy. This lasted until I was 6 months pregnant and he had enormous stress with his job. He became consumed with anger at his bosses and began neglecting me. Then everything started to get dysfunctional in the bedroom, progressing over all these years, building into me having MI and PD from stress and frustration, unable to solve this problem.

I agree, the SH is my way to say 'see how sick I am? Help!!!'

[divine1966]

When I felt like self harming ( and I did mild attempt twice) it wasn't because I wanted to make my pain visible or wanted help. I felt anger that had no outlet for me, so I had to release pain. I don't drink, don't do pills, don't smoke, and was living with other people do screaming was out of the question. Self harm ( I bit my arm pretty bad) did help at the moment.

I also had developed huge shopping addiction to mask a pain and overall I felt really weird ( I thought I was having mania, my t says that severe reaction to severe stress could look and feel like mania). At that moment I knew that I had to leave.

This is no way to live. 20 or more years of unmet needs is way too long IMHO

[Rose76]

Most relationships have a "honeymoon" phase that is not sustainable over the long haul. The time comes when hard stresses, like things being difficult at work, come along. Being "consumed with anger at his bosses" sounds like a man who is emotionally immature. This is something he may, or may not, grow out of.

I'm not so sure a person becomes mentally ill because their marriage is not going well. More likely, as I understand it, an unhappy marriage may cause underlying mental illness to become more apparent. In any case you have a big decision to grapple with - whether to stay or go. You have to look at what you have to gain or lose by staying verses what you have to gain or lose by leaving. Part of that depends on the capacity of both your husband and yourself to grow and mature.

[TishaBuv]

Originally Posted by Rose76

Most relationships have a "honeymoon" phase that is not sustainable over the long haul. The time comes when hard stresses, like things being difficult at work, come along. Being "consumed with anger at his bosses" sounds like a man who is emotionally immature. This is something he may, or may not, grow out of.

I'm not so sure a person becomes mentally ill because their marriage is not going well. More likely, as I understand it, an unhappy marriage may cause underlying mental illness to become more apparent. In any case you have a big decision to grapple with - whether to stay or go. You have to look at what you have to gain or lose by staying verses what you have to gain or lose by leaving. Part of that depends on the capacity of both your husband and yourself to grow and mature.

Right. I feel like I've lived through all the pain already and I'm still standing. Thinking if we can move on to the more mature phase where we just don't care anymore and can enjoy each other in a new way...

The hardest part is there is so much that we really like and get along about each other. Is it possible to be so great in so many ways and so abusive in others?

[TishaBuv]

Plus, I don't have much faith that anyone else is any better or that my being a woman alone is even going to be something I can do. My friend said to me "Why don't you get out of the box?" And I said "There is nothing outside the box!"

[Rose76]

It is possible for some aspects of the marriage to be just fine, while other aspects are no good at all.

Part of why he doesn't treat you well maybe that he feels 100% certain that you would never leave.

[divine1966]

Rose might be on to something. He doesn't think you'll leave. You shared on here that you are a bit too much reliant on him? (Income or otherwise). He probably feels too powerful. Just stay in your own place until he shows improvement. Don't make him feel that powerful.

[TishaBuv]

Right. He knows damn well I won't go and he doesn't really have to give of himself. It's always been the same. I pitch a fit. He gives an inch. I come back. He goes back to neglect. Rinse. Repeat.

I'm on hold, sleeping alone, taking my time with a new therapist. It's working for me-- no hysteria! I know it's only temporary.