Not going to be good or easy

Well, the perverbial poop is about to hit the fan tonight in my house. And I'm going to be the one slinging it!!!

My oldest daughter and her son are living with me for awhile. It was to help her and to help me out but it has turned into a funfest for her. She has become completely irresponsible as a mother and I've about had it up to my eyeballs.

My grandson deserves better than what he is getting from her. I know life is difficult for the both of them, but she has NOT been doing what she needs to do in order to improve things for the two of them. It's much more fun to go out partying and leaving her son with family or so called friends (I cringe at who he stays with sometimes). All in the name of "I deserve to have some fun now and again". Crap! Total CRAP.

This daughter has a perpensity towards addiction...alcohol and drugs or both. It is time for an intervention and I WILL do it tonight. Let the chips fall where they may, she may be out on her ear tonight but her son is staying and I'll be in court tomorrow morning if need be.

Please pray for us and send me some strength to get through this. It's going to be rough going, but I'm up for it right now....we'll see how I am tonight when she decides to show her face *sigh*

Thanks for all your support. I so appreciate each and every one of you!



sabby

have faith in you , your strong and a loving person, if daughter has a problem with your house rules tell her when ever she leaves her son with family and doesn't get back that evening it could be looked at as abandonment by the courts
xoxoxoxox
Angie

((((((((((((sabster)))))))))

stay strong in your convictions...no matter how difficult!

Hello Sabau -- I am so sorry that you have to do this. Personally, I hate confrontation, and I will do almost anything to avoid it. You are brave to face this -- but the stakes are high, your grandson's life.

I hope his mother will wake up. When I was deep in my alcohol addiction and living with my mother in my 30s (no kids, just a dog whom I did take very good care of; I was being self-destructive but not irresponsible) -- one morning after I came out of room following a drinking binge, she just looked at me sadly and said, "Don't you see what you're doing to yourself?"

It was 'nuff said and a powerful intervention. It will not be enough in this case, because there is a young child involved.

Best wishes, Sabau. I know you will handle it just right.

stay firm.........your daughter is not behaving as she should towards her son and YOU.............

I hope this goes as well as it can. At the end of the day there is a child involved. I wish you luck.

I would agree with the rest that it is definately time to do something...

You may have already done this and it hasn't worked which is why you are to your wits end...

Wouldn't a candid sit down conversation be better...lay out the rules of the house (together)...have your thoughts prepared...maybe jointly you can avoid what will be a relationship breaker...just a thought?

I'm most concerned about your grandson...court may not see it your way...if you loose and don't get costudy...you will for sure loose your a relationship with your granson as you will need to go through his mother (your daughter) to see him again...and of course there probably will be little or no relationship with your daughter...

I'm sorry for this awful mess...

(((((((((sabby))))))))))
I know the pain you are having with your daughter and grandson. I too go through the same thing with my daughter. I decided not long ago to confront issues with her and let the chips fall where they might...there has been some difficult times but I think in the long run it has been the right thing to do. I pray that you will have the strength through this and what ever might occur.
(((((sabby))))
Snow

you're doing the right thing jean.........i'll pray that all goes well for you

Please keep us posted.

You're doing what is needed to be done...
My thoughts are with you, my friend.
Hope it goes well.

((((((((((( sabau ))))))))))))))

Sabau...I'm so sorry you are going thru this , and so sad for the little fella.
Love,
Patty

Thanks so much everyone! I truly appreciate your support and love.

I wasn't able to have the conversation I hoped I would with her, but we did talk some this evening. I was very calm and spoke softly with much love and concern in my voice. She was ticked at me, of course, but after about 10 minutes of me repeating that I have a valid reason to be concerned and that I loved her and Larz, she finally calmed down and spoke with me rationally.

I did not threaten anything at this point. She's a smart girl, she knows that I am watching and that I am not stupid. She will think about what I have said and will make her decisions from there. I have told her before (a few years ago) that if she didn't get her act together, I would get custody of my grandson. So she knows I will do it if I feel I have to.

Thanks once again everyone....I don't think I would be able to get through all this as calmly as I have been without your support.

Please know too, I am not closing my eyes to her behavior. I am giving her the chance to redeem herself while keeping a close eye on the situation. I will not allow my grandson to be harmed further (emotionally). She knows that



sabby

i was in a situation four years ago, like yours, and i checked into Texas law and found that it isn't hard for a grandmother to get custody if the mother of the child is not being a good parent. i'm sure all state laws are different.

i lived in Oklahoma then and i spoke with the district attorney's office here and was assured that the courts do what is best for the child. and that the mother is assessed and a lawyer appointed for the child and it goes from there.

good luck to you. you're in my thoughts tonight......xoxox pat

Thanks so much Pat.

I used to be a CASA/GAL in NH and I would be assigned to be a guardian ad litem for an abused/neglected child in the system. I would go to court and speak for the child's best interest to the judge. It was a good learning experience and I hope someday to be able to do that volunteer work again.

You are absolutely right, most judges will do their best to keep the child safe. If the situation continues and I do have to go to court, I would love to discuss some stuff with you if you don't mind.

Hugsss
Jean

(((((((((((sabby))))))))))) (((((((((((larz)))))))))))))) i am so sorry to hear things have gotten so out of control. i admire you for what you are doing. many of us here have problems because there weren't people like you who were willing to intervene on our behalf. i hope your daughter can get her act together for her son's sake and her own. but if it does come down to the system making the decision, i wish you the best of luck.

recluse1

Thank you very much ((((((((((((((((((((((((recluse1))))))))))))))))))))))



sabby

So glad that Pat has checked into this thread. I know about her experiences, and I thought she would make a good touchstone for you on this as someone who has been there.