Their voices are on a LOOP.

This might be a little long because I have to explain the situation. But, briefly: What do you do to get mean things out of your head? Like when someone says something awful to you, how do you brush it off? I've been chewed out twice recently by people who I thought I was on good terms with. When I say chewed out, I mean I was shocked. Like you just do not talk to people like that. And I'm starting to think that I must be an awful person. I know the things they said aren't true, but it's just in my head. And I can't get it out. And it's like their words are on REPEAT. And I can't turn it off, they're just playing in my head over and over and over and over and I really need help moving on. If you want to know more about it, keep reading, but if you think you can offer advice from just that, that's the gist.

The first situation was my boyfriend's mom. She is from the Philippines. He and I have been together for a while and we live together, but because she lives so far away we had never met. She and his dad came to stay with us for a month. We were in the process of moving out of state. He moved first, and then I followed a month later after spending time with family (we were moving out of my home state). The month she stayed with us, she was very kind and polite to me. She is quite a clean freak, and she kind of took over our house, but I didn't really mind because she was so sweet. They left for the new state. I followed a month later. The day I got here, she avoided me. My boyfriend and I went out to lunch, I still hadn't seen her. When we got back her bags were in the hall and she informed us she was going to go stay at a hotel. Then she demanded that I come out on the porch so she could speak with me. When I came out, she let loose. She told me I am a pig, that I have no respect for my boyfriend or his house, and that I'm a disgusting slut for living with him without being married. Apparently I was raised to not care about anyone but myself. I'm only around until he "grows up" and kicks me out. It should be my responsibility to cook for him, clean for him, bla, bla, bla. I sat there in shock. I am not a messy person. My boyfriend and I have a very hands-off approach to our relationship: we kind of leave each other's space alone. He is messy, I am not. I do not clean for him, nor will I ever. But we had our house spotless before she arrived, because, hello? We had guests. Apparently she found a flip flop under the couch (why is she under my couch) and dirty underwear in our room (why, why is she in my room?!). I tried to be polite. She said "I have nothing more to say to you. You are disgusting and no good for my son." Then she left and they went back to the Philippines. My boyfriend totally backed me up on the situation, and we've put it past us. But I can't get it out of my mind. Every time I leave a dish in the sink, or laundry in the basket, I feel ashamed. I wonder if I am a pig. I wonder if he thinks I'm messy. I wonder if I'm really just here "until he kicks me out." I know none of this is true. But it's hard not to believe it.

The second situation is a lot of he said/she said but please bear with me. It was with my new job in my new state. I work as a nanny, and I found a job here through an agency. This job ended up being hell. The agency misrepresented the pay and the hours, and after hashing out a work agreement, the woman I worked for never provided me a copy of it (she took the copy I signed, didn't sign it herself, and then said she would sign it later and print me out a copy. Never happened.) Then there was the problems with payments. She had her CPA taking my taxes out of my paychecks, and my paychecks were coming in too low. I asked for paystubs to verify my tax history. She promised to get them, never did. Then she started asking for overtime hours. I worked them to be helpful. A nanny friend asked me if I was getting overtime pay, and I said no. Turns out overtime is guaranteed for hourly wage live-out nannies by the FLSA, meaning it's required under federal law to be paid to me. I'm no longer cool with working those hours without overtime pay, which the nanny agency never informed me of or negotiated for me. I asked the mom, she said it was too expensive for the family but she still needed overtime hours. I decided it was time to leave the position. I gave my 30 days notice, which she declined, because before I even quit she had planned to fire me (I was too expensive) and had found a daycare. That was this week. My last day was supposed to be yesterday. All of this up to the end had been amicable. The mom was nice. She was a micromanager, but nice. She assured me that she agreed the agency had not clearly articulated the job, and it wasn't working out for either of us. Then yesterday it all changed. She decided she didn't like the daycare she had chosen. Instead of asking me to fulfill my 30 days' notice, she called the agency, told them I had quit without notice, and demanded a replacement nanny for Monday. Then, at the end of my shift, she sent her father to come pick up the baby. I called her to ask about my paycheck. No answer. The granddad basically pushed me out of the house. I called her repeatedly. Finally, she texted me and said that because I had quit without notice, she was waiting for the agency to give her back the money she had paid them and to find out "what to do about final payment". She was extremely rude and aggressive. I immediately responded with my very valid reasons for quitting, reminded her that I HAD in fact given 30 days' notice, which she had declined, and it wasn't my fault she had changed her mind about her new care. I told her it is illegal to punish an employee for leaving a position by withholding their paycheck. I told her I would be expecting it. All of this stated in a polite way. Then, this morning, she blew her top. I got a 14-page text in which she accused me of quitting my job because of an anxiety disorder that I am "unable to manage" and that I am "increasingly unstable." She called me "little girl" and claimed she had me on camera complaining that my job doesn't allow me to run personal errands (uh, no). She basically told a bunch of bald-faced lies: that I never gave 30 days' notice, that she is not withholding my paycheck (it's not in my hand, it's being withheld), that she never had a daycare, etc, etc. Outright lies. And I know this is a lot of he-said, she-said, but honestly. HONESTLY. I have no reason to lie on this forum. I genuinely left this position with the best of intentions and did my best to leave the job amicably. She took it to a place of petty insult, and I'm scared she's spreading these things about me: that I have an anxiety disorder, or that I'm unstable, or that I lied about my experience in childcare. None of these things are true! I do not have an anxiety disorder, and I have never said that I did. I know I should be able to just brush this off. She is in the wrong here. The worst that can happen in this case is that the agency can fine me for leaving the position early: in the amount of $1125, which is not insurmountable. But I cannot get her words out of my head. I can't stop hearing "Little girl...welcome to the real world!" Or"We BOTH KNOW you quit this job because of your anxiety disorder and your inability to manage that!" or "Your disorder and increasingly unstable behavior seem to continuously cloud your judgement!"

I am a person who treats others with kindness. I see no reason for cruelty, and I don't engage in it. I have a hard time sticking up for myself, because I immediately feel I have been mean and I feel guilty. I know I am in the right in this situation. I mean, there's no legal record of my employment: I wasn't given a copy of my work agreement or my paystubs. Would you stay in a job that wasn't providing those things, especially when you suspected they were shorting your paychecks? It just hurts to have such outright lies said about me. And ultimately, I can't get the words out of my head. And for this to happen just weeks after that big showdown with my boyfriend's mom...I feel like I'm crumbling. I just can't stop thinking about it. It's playing on a loop. Please help me

Your boyfriend's mom sounds unpleasant - saying those things to you - so can you arrange that she is not to come to your home again? What do you know about the agency that you worked for - it sounds disorganized or worse? They misrepresented your pay and hours, and never provided you with a copy of the work agreement, and no pay stubs = something's wrong about all this. Even if you don't have things in writing - there is still their verbal agreement with you.

If I were you, I'd contact the Department of Labor and complain. I'd also answer that text with the truth and a copy to the agency. Good luck!