Not Making Enough Time for Me Or Showing He's Interested

You should have more respect for this guy's commitment to his work, the fatigue he must feel at the end of each day and the unsafe level of effort and stress it would take for him to live up to your expectations of him. I guess him falling asleep at the wheel or at his desk so he can attend your invitations to distant weekday concerts are an acceptable price for him to pay for your relationship.

How often do you do the things he would want to do?

You're correct that those of us who have posted here aren't metal heads. Guess what? Neither is this guy. Could I technically manage to go to that sort of concert and then work and live after so little sleep? Yes. Would I? No, because I think it is an absolutely idiotic thing for me to do to myself.

He isn't making excuses any more than I am. He is setting a healthy boundary for himself.

I think what you are missing here is that he is not your BF. You went on 4 dates. Had nothing in common and there was dead silence. I don't know if it's the same guy but didn't he say he doesn't want a relationship but just sex? But even if it's not him still he isn't a BF. Overall you assume and want things from men way too early.

He is not my Boyfriend. He wants to be my Boyfriend badly. And he knows we have nothing in common, and he doesn't want sex. He wants to date me.

Then find a metal head to date?

That makes your demands of him even worse..... Why would you want to spend your time dating him if you already, so early on, know that he doesn't have any desire to live your lifestyle?

I agree. Don't make him your accessory to take to concerts to. If he isn't into concerts and bending over backwards and jumping through hoops for you find someone who will.

The whole thing just makes no sense. You like metal heads and guys who talk on the phone and video chat and drive you to to see concerts during the week, this guy isn't any of it and you are upset about it. You either look for someone who matches your expectations or you accept that he isn't the type. You can't be angry that he isn't who you want him to be

Well he can change, I have changed a lot when it comes to guys and in relationships I do a lot and go out of my way for guys, so why can't they do it for me?

He hasn't made you change. You made those choices in the past. They have nothing to do with him.

A real relationship involves compromise. But what you want isn't compromise - you want him to completely change who he is and be your dream guy.

That's unrealistic. Especially when you consider that what you want is very much a subculture and not an average or easily compromisable lifestyle.

I don't know how old you are, but honestly the way you are speaking and behaving in this thread you kinda sound like a small child having a tantrum for not getting things your way.

Some people would have a hard time getting up the next day with that kind of schedule. I think it depends person-to-person since your exes were able and willing to do that. Getting 3-4 hours of sleep even just one night might just not be worth it to some people, because it can throw some people off for the next few days, and it's not healthy. If it's a specific concert you've been dying to see, and he has paid time off at his job where he is able to take a few hours off in the morning, then that would be a good option (only if he is willing though and remotely interested). This is what I do when I want to go to a special event, since otherwise, I probably would decline due to not being able to function on such little sleep....and I'd decline no matter how much I love the person. P.S. I am very much into metal, rock, and go to a lot of shows

That being said, if it is really important for you to be with someone who can accomodate you in this way, then maybe he is not the right guy for you and you're both mismatched. If you really like so many other things about him though, then it's not necessarily a deal-breaker. It's about understanding that he is different than you are and not able to keep up that kind of energy during the week for whatever reason, whether it be energy-wise, type of job, health, or motivation level. I really wouldn't take it personally though. One thing you said, however, is how you do not have much in common. I think it's time to really think and evaluate the relationship for what it is. It sounds like you are looking for someone different, and it's impossible to change who he is....nor is it fair to expect him to be someone he is not. If you feel you are not compatible, it is only fair to let him know that and move on so that you can find someone you mesh better with and so you do not lead him on.

I hear a lot of me, me, me and not "us"

You're trying to fit a square in a circle. Not all guys are the same...and most people don't change. What you're really saying is "Well, he can change his mind."

4 threads about the same thing and you just don't get it at all. If you ask for advice, take it.

Excellent LiteraryLark. EXCELLENT!!!!

Stolemyheart87.
You say "guyS" and "they." And maybe you have gone out of your way for them. But where are they now?
Not only that, but this man, (singular), is not guyS, or a part of "they." He's one human being with his own boundaries that HE set for HIM, not you!
Yes, in a relationship, the man should be willing to go out of his way to make the woman happy. I agree. BUT NOT TO THE EXTENT THAT IT WILL ADVERSELY AFFECT HIS HEALTH, AND HIS LIVELIHOOD!

Although I agree fully with the first 3 paragraphs, A Red Panda, I do think the last paragraph is a little too negative to be constructive. Not that I haven't been negative in the past, for sure. I just feel that way about some of the posts on this thread. After all, this whole thread is mainly for stolemyheart87's sake, so we shouldn't gang up on her with our negative criticism (without realizing it)... Sorry, I just had to speak out here.

Plus, I just wanted to say that although I think what you (stolemyheart87) is doing is probably wrong, I can understand how you feel and think you're going the wrong way about it. I don't think you'll be happy with a guy who won't do that stuff for you. And yeah, he might not be your type. If he isn't, you're sure to find many other guys who are. I know lots of people who love going to rock concerts and make a lot of time for it. I can't myself, though, since I'm more of a homebody.

If you're changing to accommodate guys, and they're changing to accommodate you, you're relationshipping wrong.


The point is to actually date people you WANT to date, and who ACCEPT YOU as you are.


I don't understand wanting to mold someone into something or someone they're not, like why choose THEM in the first place then?


We are not potential silly putty partners, created for whichever template comes next.


We are beautiful, unique creatures, and deserve to be loved and accepted as we are.


Sure, compromise is very good, which means meeting each other half way... Nobody should be bending over backwards and changing who they are just to please somebody else.

Yeah yeah I know this already. I just know there isn't a guy for me he doesn't exist and I will be alone and single forever because no guy wants a girl like me.

Ok then.

You do not know what kind of concert goers any of us may be, silly. Your opinion isn't always fact. Plus, it's not fair to compare one person to another. People are individuals.
I'm sorry you feel that way... because, in many ways, we are what we think we are. So careful with that line of thought.

PS: This guy has nothing to do with what you did (re: "I've changed for guys...) in previous relationships. Different guy, you know?

Perhaps you feel pressure to try to shape guys because you believe that there is no guy out there for you that would not need to be shaped.

I think all relationships require compromise to some degree, on both sides, I don't personally believe there is a perfect fit out there. It should be compromise though, not demands and ultimatums for the other person to radically change, and acceptance of the times no compromise is possible.

I don't see how you expect so much from this man. I had a similar situation recently with a guy who when he was off always went to see family first who in the main he could see any time. Sometimes he was tired which was fair enough but he did cancel for family at times. I did find that annoying even though that wasn't the reason we split.

If the guy is tired it could be that he doesn't want to drive over and you can't generalise to everyone, some of your friends maybe can live the way you do but not everyone can. As someone said, date one of them! He may be avoiding you because of your demands, but he sounds all right. He lives a bit away from you so it can't be easy
He has to be alert for work the next day. Be more considerate. If you can't compromise then end it. Compromise is important in long lasting relationships, just date someone who lives like you do.

There is no one worth being with who would mold themselves like a piece of clay to match another...maybe being alone, and single is OK. It gives you the freedom to do as you want, enjoy what company comes your way, and let it go. Sorry, but from what you keep saying, you do want the impossible...there isn't any more advice or support I can think of anyone giving you...
and yet, you say he wants You...? (that is not a question to be answered, just a thought for you to ponder)

Him and I talked last night, and he says he is still interested in dating me, misses me, and likes me a lot. So him and I are going to go out this weekend. And him and I had a nice time chatting last night.

You now have 5 threads going on about this guy.

You said you work in the music industry in one of the 5 threads ( I won't go through them all and find it )

Why in the world don't you look around and see people that WORK in your field as they are use to concerts during the week like you ?????

Your trying to make this guy a part of your life and expecting him to conform to the you're nightlife and seemingly at your beck and call. When you show so little regard to his life and need for rest to perform his job ? Or maybe that will be thread # 7

When was the last time you went to see him and paid your own way to get there? What have you done on these 4 dates that was something HE likes to ?

Square peg ... Round hole