Denial

I'll always think it's better not to love people because at least I won't be stealing there potential. I was never watering the flower, the sun light is what is nourishing them I will never be the sun and so I learnt to draw my line in the sand ever since I was young. I would never betray there freedom just because I care about how I feel. Useful this denial especially if I think it's necessary to save someone else's life.

The thing is that there are many KINDS of love....read the 4 Loves by C S Lewis to better understand this.

English only has the one word LOVE for all the different kinds of love & it gets confusing where Greek has a different term for each type of love so that people better understand the kind of love they are experiencing toward the other person & the other person has a better understanding of the emotions involved also.

There is brotherly love, the kind you feel within the family, affectionate love (storge), friendship love (philia), romantic love (eros), & spiritual love (agape).

Learning to love without clinging onto the person you love would also be another solution to not allowing yourself to love them at all & denying emotional connection which I found makes life difficult to even connect with friends then.

It just hurts to cling to others after all the **** men put me through...

Sounds like you need to learn how to LOVE without clinging.....it's definitely possible to reprogram the way you have learned to love since clinging never works for anyone....it just smothers the other person.