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#1
Oct 09, 2016, 02:23 PM
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I was not looking for anyone right now but was messaged on OKCupid by a seemingly nice guy who is working for his PhD, has his dissertation all worked out but has yet to be officially given the title.
The hitch? He is in a toxic marriage and told me that his physically, emotionally and psychotically abusive "wife" would literally try and kill him if he tried to divorce her as he still shares the same living space as her. He assured me he would most certainly divorce her when he and his two cats had a place to go. Now, me being the realistic yet sympathetic person I am, am wondering if it's any semblance of a good idea to get to know him. He seems nice and the bleeding heart part of me wants to give him a chance but I know guys can be manipulative and use that angle to take advantage of me. I also realize he could just be looking for someone to use to escape his abusive marrage and once out of it, he could just leave them. I am not trying to be in denial of anything. He also lives a few states away from me in Massachusetts, around the Boston area. I guess what I am asking is for an outsider's opinion on whether getting to know this guy is anywhere near a good idea.
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#2
Oct 09, 2016, 02:29 PM
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Me, personally, no. I'm not interested in getting involved in anything that potentially hazardous in my life. No thank you. I don't recommend it either.
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 eskielover, Trippin2.0
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#3
Oct 09, 2016, 02:33 PM
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It sounds like all he wants is a mistress. If the wife finds out, she could retaliate against you. Keep safe. You deserve better anyway.
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| Trippin2.0
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#4
Oct 09, 2016, 03:26 PM
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I would not get involved with someone who was still living with his wife, regardless of how awful he claims she is. Becoming involved with someone who's in such a toxic situation isn't likely to end well. If I'm gong to get involved with someone on a dating site, I only want to see the potential positives they might have to offer. With this guy, the negatives are already in plain sight. I would avoid getting involved at all costs.
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| Trippin2.0
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#5
Oct 09, 2016, 05:12 PM
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Art chic! I'm sorry but I would stay away from this guy. At least in a romantic sense. Men don't often leave their wives if they haven't already in a situation like his.
__________________
 What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
| Trippin2.0
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#6
Oct 09, 2016, 06:27 PM
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Bad idea. He is not only legally married, he lives with his wife. And he lives far away. Possibly looking for some casual phone sex. Otherwise he'd be looking locally and will be filing for divorce as well as living apart. I also would check if he is really in PhD program. Ask what school and what field and do some checking. Or just stop talking to him.
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| eskielover, Lauliza, Trippin2.0
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#7
Oct 09, 2016, 06:29 PM
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I find it difficult to believe that the "physically, emotionally and psychotically abusive "wife" [who] would literally try and kill him if he tried to divorce her..." doesn't have a problem with him being away from home hours at a time. You wouldn't think someone like he describes would "allow" that.
I think he is likely lying to you, along with all the others he chases and catches on dating sites.
__________________
“Hope drowned in shadows emerges fiercely splendid–– boldly angelic.” ― Aberjhani |
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#8
Oct 09, 2016, 06:53 PM
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Maybe he can introduce you to a single guy who lives in your town. Otherwise, you have no use for him. Why is this married guy hitting on women on a dating site? Very creepy.
__________________
"And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
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#9
Oct 09, 2016, 06:57 PM
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Start using your logical mind in place of your emotional one & the answer will be as obvious as all the great replies you have received here about why NOT to get involved with this guy. I'm sure if you FACT CHECKED him you would find at least most of what you have been told are lies.
__________________
 Leo's favorite place was in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this. Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018 |
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#10
Oct 09, 2016, 07:50 PM
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Hi,
I thought OKCupid really worked for finding local dates. Does he have children? Tell him to text you a photo of the divorce decree when he's ready to talk to a nice girl from the dating site. moogs
__________________
Current Status: Stable/High Functioning/Clean and Sober Dx: Bipolar 2, GAD Current Meds: Prozac 30mg, Lamictal 150mg, Latuda 40mg, Wellbutrin 150 XL Previous meds I can share experiences from: AAPs - Risperdal, Abilify, Seroquel SSRIs - Lexapro, Paxil, Zoloft Mood Stabilizers - Tegretol, Depakote, Neurontin Other - Buspar, Xanax Add me as a friend and we can chat 
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#11
Oct 09, 2016, 11:32 PM
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No. He is married.
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#12
Oct 10, 2016, 12:54 AM
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I 150% agree what all posters above me have said.
Absolutely not. Do not entertain even meeting a guy that isn't living separately from his (ex) wife. He's scamming you by the sounds of things, wants a sidekick. |
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#13
Oct 10, 2016, 09:26 AM
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Been there, done that. Not a good idea at all.
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#14
Oct 10, 2016, 09:35 AM
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Stay the hell clear of him! Sounds` a bit shady too me! If you have already got baggage of your own `WELL` it goes` without saying!!!!
I wonder why his wife is the way she is with him????????? Maybe he has been caught being unfaithful???????????..........Run girl run 
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| eskielover
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#15
Oct 10, 2016, 12:41 PM
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Do you really need to ask? What's the female equivalent of ' I wouldn't touch her with yours' Stay well clear.
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#16
Oct 12, 2016, 10:44 AM
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"he would most certainly will divorce her when he and his cats have somewhere to go"
You say he seems like a nice person, etc. Yet in your description of your first knowledge of him he's complaining of a psychotic wife whom he is not divorced from nor even separated. Hmm that's all kinds of complicated in more ways than I can say. |
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