Not to long ago I put out an ad on craigslist for a platonic friendship only. I made it clear that I was only looking for female friends. Thankfully no men replied. Anyways, I did get two responses from two women who are about 10 yrs. older than I am. One was single w/o kids and the other has a grown son.

They even liked some of the same things that I did! I was excited and happy at first, but now I'm sad an perplexed as I haven't heard back from them in over a week. One lady did write me back a second time.

The first one told me that she's an introvert too and that she just adopted a kitten. Naturally I asked her about the kitten and if she named it yet and what did she look like. She talked about having a dog and another cat too.

So I told her about my two cats briefly. I then told her that she could email me at my personal email account. I never heard back from her. Was I to forward? Did she maybe feel like she needed to give out personal info that she wasn't ready to share just yet like her email?

What did I do wrong? As for the second lady, in the second email she told me that a friend bailed on her for a concert. She told me that she had an extra ticket to an artist that I think is OK, but I wouldn't pay money to see them. I didn't say that of course. I said sorry to hear that, but although that artist is OK, I have to be more selective about what shows I go to these days due to finances or something like that.

I was stupid to mention money at all since a lot of people are really weird about money. Especially if they have money and you don't. Or especially if you have more money than they do and they're broke most of the time. I should've just said thanks, but I can't go at this time and left it at that.

I talked about some of the same bands that we like too and I kept things short and sweet. I didn't really ask them anything that might seem to personal or nosy I only asked one lady how old her son is since she mentioned him and that's it!

I don't think that I did anything wrong. I feel bad like I said and did all the wrong things though. I did email them within a day or two WTH What did I do wrong? I feel so rejected and worthless. I feel so lonely and depressed most of the time. I did this since the few real life friends that I do have rarely have the time to hang out with me much most of the time. This sucks! I feel like there is something very wrong with me to be rejected and ignored so often!

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by Shy Introvert

Not to long ago I put out an ad on craigslist for a platonic friendship only. I made it clear that I was only looking for female friends. Thankfully no men replied. Anyways, I did get two responses from two women who are about 10 yrs. older than I am. One was single w/o kids and the other has a grown son.

They even liked some of the same things that I did! I was excited and happy at first, but now I'm sad an perplexed as I haven't heard back from them in over a week. One lady did write me back a second time.

The first one told me that she's an introvert too and that she just adopted a kitten. Naturally I asked her about the kitten and if she named it yet and what did she look like. She talked about having a dog and another cat too.

So I told her about my two cats briefly. I then told her that she could email me at my personal email account. I never heard back from her. Was I to forward? Did she maybe feel like she needed to give out personal info that she wasn't ready to share just yet like her email?

What did I do wrong? As for the second lady, in the second email she told me that a friend bailed on her for a concert. She told me that she had an extra ticket to an artist that I think is OK, but I wouldn't pay money to see them. I didn't say that of course. I said sorry to hear that, but although that artist is OK, I have to be more selective about what shows I go to these days due to finances or something like that.

I was stupid to mention money at all since a lot of people are really weird about money. Especially if they have money and you don't. Or especially if you have more money than they do and they're broke most of the time. I should've just said thanks, but I can't go at this time and left it at that.

I talked about some of the same bands that we like too and I kept things short and sweet. I didn't really ask them anything that might seem to personal or nosy I only asked one lady how old her son is since she mentioned him and that's it!

I don't think that I did anything wrong. I feel bad like I said and did all the wrong things though. I did email them within a day or two WTH What did I do wrong? I feel so rejected and worthless. I feel so lonely and depressed most of the time. I did this since the few real life friends that I do have rarely have the time to hang out with me much most of the time. This sucks! I feel like there is something very wrong with me to be rejected and ignored so often!

You turned down a free offer to see a concert which in my opinion would be a small sacrifice to take a chance on making a friend. Why did you say no? After all the ticket was paid for right? I'm not sure why you feel rejected by the second one, she made a gesture of friendship by offering you the extra ticket.

If there's some underlying reason why you rejected her, I'd like to know.

I don't think you did anything wrong, either...

I have a low self-esteem that causes me to always, always beat myself up. Whether it's a mistake I actually made (no matter how small) or whether I didn't really do anything wrong..I just THINK I did.

So....It's probably my fault that they didn't get in touch with you again...

[healingme4me]

The concert could go both ways, in the sense that as a courtesy she could have said no worries, just come anyways.

I don't think you've done anything wrong nor worthy of not hearing for a week. Afterall, they responded to an ad to make a friend.

Some people just suck. It's nothing you did, in my opinion.

It's been my personal experience that it's not always straightforward to make friendships in adulthood. I'm not really sure the reason why, tbh I have wondered the same things you are wondering now at times.

It doesn't sound to me like you did anything wrong. Perhaps there were just no 'sparks' (for want of better word), idk, IMO friendships can be every bit as tricky as romantic relationships in their own way.

Sorry you are feeling hurt.

I don't think you did aything wrong. Bear in mind it takes more than a few discussions to form an aquaintanceship. Perhaps they just felt you didn't 'click' with them.

Consider - even jot down - what you are wanting to get out of this and what it will 'look like' when that clicking happens. So too do a self-evaluation and adjust your expections accordingly. I think you may find you have been selling yourself short.

Make a plan. Should you get that agreement for a get together, what too will the meeting look like. How do you intend to go about it. When? Where? How?

[Bill3]

I think it is possible that the first one was not ready to use a personal email, especially if her email address has her full name. I don't know but maybe it might be better to wait longer before bringing up personal emails?

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

You turned down a free offer to see a concert which in my opinion would be a small sacrifice to take a chance on making a friend. Why did you say no? After all the ticket was paid for right? I'm not sure why you feel rejected by the second one, she made a gesture of friendship by offering you the extra ticket.

If there's some underlying reason why you rejected her, I'd like to know.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
First of all, she made no mention of it being free. So naturally I assumed that I'd have to pay her for it. Maybe I was wrong, idk. Also, maybe she got offended that I turned her down. People are weird at times.

I didn't mean to reject her. I just don't see the point in going to see an artist or band that I'm not really into to. Especially when money is tight. I told her that nicely. It was her who rejected me. I was open to meeting her for coffee and a walk around the local track at her suggestion, and I even said that, so I don't see how I rejected her. Since I seemed to scare the other lady off so easily by offering my private email so soon, I didn't want to do the same with this lady by offering her my number so soon.

Originally Posted by sophiesmom

I don't think you did anything wrong, either...

I have a low self-esteem that causes me to always, always beat myself up. Whether it's a mistake I actually made (no matter how small) or whether I didn't really do anything wrong..I just THINK I did.

So....It's probably my fault that they didn't get in touch with you again...

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thanks, neither did I. If someone is going to not email me back since they supposedly feel "pressured" to give out a personal email, then that's just silly. I doubt that was the case though as she had her full name in her email, so that's kind of weird. Oh well. I have the same problem with self esteem at times, and it sucks!

Originally Posted by healingme4me

The concert could go both ways, in the sense that as a courtesy she could have said no worries, just come anyways.

I don't think you've done anything wrong nor worthy of not hearing for a week. Afterall, they responded to an ad to make a friend.

Some people just suck. It's nothing you did, in my opinion.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Yeah, it could. I assumed that I'd have to pay for it, and it wouldn't be cheap since it's a popular and well known artist. Money is an issue for now. I made a bad mistake of making myself look broke, ugh!

I stated that I like going out in my ad, then I claim that I have to watch what I spend for now, ugh! Stupid!

Yeah, some people do suck! And some people are just way to picky as well. It seems like if you don't like everything they like, or are like them in most ways, then they're quick to dismiss you w/o really giving you a chance it seems like, ugh!

Originally Posted by prefabsprout

It's been my personal experience that it's not always straightforward to make friendships in adulthood. I'm not really sure the reason why, tbh I have wondered the same things you are wondering now at times.

It doesn't sound to me like you did anything wrong. Perhaps there were just no 'sparks' (for want of better word), idk, IMO friendships can be every bit as tricky as romantic relationships in their own way.

Sorry you are feeling hurt.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You're probably right about what you said. Yeah, it does seem like trying to make friends is almost as hard as dating. It can be like a job interview at times, ugh!

[baseline]

Dear Shy, you did nothing wrong. I don't think I would go to a concert with someone I just met on line anyway. Keep trying hun. You seem fine to me. You have to get to know someone and feel safe. take good care

Originally Posted by justafriend306

I don't think you did aything wrong. Bear in mind it takes more than a few discussions to form an aquaintanceship. Perhaps they just felt you didn't 'click' with them.

Consider - even jot down - what you are wanting to get out of this and what it will 'look like' when that clicking happens. So too do a self-evaluation and adjust your expections accordingly. I think you may find you have been selling yourself short.

Make a plan. Should you get that agreement for a get together, what too will the meeting look like. How do you intend to go about it. When? Where? How?

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It does, but it seems like they didn't even try to give me much of a chance. They made up their minds real quick about me it seems like. I already know exactly what I want and don't want.

I made things clear in my ad. I put down no flakes and no drama in a nice way of course! I described myself and that I'm looking for women with similar qualities. I talked about what I like and that I was also just looking to meet other nice women who shared my interests.

Originally Posted by Bill3

I think it is possible that the first one was not ready to use a personal email, especially if her email address has her full name. I don't know but maybe it might be better to wait longer before bringing up personal emails?

--------------------------------------------------------------
That's possible, but I highly doubt that was the case as she used her full name in her response to me. So that's weird!

Originally Posted by Shy Introvert

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You're probably right about what you said. Yeah, it does seem like trying to make friends is almost as hard as dating. It can be like a job interview at times, ugh!

Yes I've had that 'job interview' vibe before, I've always taken that as a sign things aren't going so well.

Have you considered volunteering in something you are enthusiastic about? This was something I did and met some really great friends along the way, no job interview vibes from those people, if you share an enthusiasm it seems to be part of the 'spark' somehow, it's the shared experiences thing - similar to dating.

Don't be despondent, I'm sure you will meet some great new friends given the right opportunity.

Originally Posted by baseline

Dear Shy, you did nothing wrong. I don't think I would go to a concert with someone I just met on line anyway. Keep trying hun. You seem fine to me. You have to get to know someone and feel safe. take good care

---------------------------------------------------------------------
Thanks. I like to take things a bit slow. I need to know that person isn't a flake, or worse, some psycho, lol!

Originally Posted by prefabsprout

Yes I've had that 'job interview' vibe before, I've always taken that as a sign things aren't going so well.

Have you considered volunteering in something you are enthusiastic about? This was something I did and met some really great friends along the way, no job interview vibes from those people, if you share an enthusiasm it seems to be part of the 'spark' somehow, it's the shared experiences thing - similar to dating.

Don't be despondent, I'm sure you will meet some great new friends given the right opportunity.

-------------------------------------------------------------
Sorry to hear that. I'm going to try to find a job soon since we might loose our house soon. Hopefully we won't. We're 10000 short at least, ugh! And we only have until the end of Nov., so even if I get a f/t job, there is no way in hell that I'll make enough to save the house-

I feel like such a loser at times. I've always had a hell of a time making friends even when I tried to be open and friendly.

I don't get how some people can make and keep friends so easily and I struggle to do just that usually no matter what! This really takes a toll on my already fragile self esteem most of the time, ugh!

[Nina Simone]

Doesn't sound like you did anything wrong so don't blame yourself. It can be a challenge making friends just hang in there. Have you tried Meet Up? They offer all kinds of groups for whatever you're interested in. I've also met people on Facebook! They also offer different groups based on your interest. I think the hardest thing is starting a conversation. Practice a little when go places. Chat with a cashier or someone in the market. That will help you get comfortable talking with new people. Most importantly remind yourself everyday you are a great person and a good friend!

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

Yeah, I don't think you did anything wrong at all. By the way, you can quote and reply several times in one message, so double, tripple, or further posting isn't necessary. xD

Originally Posted by Shy Introvert

-------------------------------------------------------------
Sorry to hear that. I'm going to try to find a job soon since we might loose our house soon. Hopefully we won't. We're 10000 short at least, ugh! And we only have until the end of Nov., so even if I get a f/t job, there is no way in hell that I'll make enough to save the house-

I feel like such a loser at times. I've always had a hell of a time making friends even when I tried to be open and friendly.

I don't get how some people can make and keep friends so easily and I struggle to do just that usually no matter what! This really takes a toll on my already fragile self esteem most of the time, ugh!

Really sorry to read that about your house that must be very worrying.

[monipom]

Regardless of whether she was offended or not, I think you worry about things where no concern is needed. I'm very lucky to have some close friends despite my problems, but it hasn't been easy maintaining the relationships. I have trouble dealing with rejection, even if I asks someone if they want to catch up for coffee and they say they're too busy and don't make another date. I've learned now though that people have other stuff going on in their lives. I imagine that the women responding to your ad will also have a bit of social anxiety so their behaviour might not be what you expect. I personally think that Meetups are a better way of meeting people. I was at a comedy show recently and I observed two groups of women who were there as apart of a Meetup and it seemed to be a very inclusive and non-judgmental dynamic. The reason why I think it's a better way of meeting friends is because it's based around an interest rather than the only thing being in common is that you're both shy. You like cats and music so that's two interests already! And everyone likes comedy right!

[divine1966]

Sorry about the house. My husband lost his and had to declare bankruptcy ( years ago before we met). It scared him for life. He is afraid to have any kind of debt. Good luck

[eskielover]

I think our expectations on people to reply continually when we start to communicate might be a bit of the problem. Lol I have a really good friend & we call & talk but I get busy on my farm & with working around the house & don't always have time for our long conversations. She actually got worried that I didn't WANT to communicate with her as it could be weeks between talking after the weekly Bible study we were in ended. I have gotten better at calling also, but the expectations of WHEN someone SHOULD respond can create undo anxiety about rejection.

Lol I had started messaging a person on FB that I had known before. We would constantly text.....but I have a life & it was busy. At first this person wondered where I was. I respond when I have time....sometimes I have more time than others......maybe that is the case with these people too? Or maybe they didn't feel a connection. Honestly I think it's good to take it slow & relaxed in getting to know the other person.