He told me he loves me after a week

Laura Palmer · Oct 03, 2016, 01:18 AM

So, I met him online. He was really flirty from the get go and I was interested in getting to know him better with the potential for a relationship after some time of getting to know each other. But after a week of knowing him, he's been telling me that he misses me when we go 12 hours without talking and that he loves me. He asked me to be his girlfriend, and I politely declined because I want to get to know him longer before we get into that. But he keeps telling me he loves me, which is a red flag given the short length of being aware of each other's existence. He says that his heart races and he is really happy when he talks to me. I wonder if he thinks I'm naive.

I want to give him the benefit of the doubt and he is getting carried away with mere infatuation or puppy love. But he's gone on about how he doesn't like the conservative culture surrounding sex in his home country, and therefor wants an American girl to marry so he can avoid that.

I really enjoy talking to him but I'm worried that he's just looking for sex, or that he's desperate and trying to settle down with the first woman he can get. I'm attracted to him but as far as I'm concerned we're still in the friend stage, and I don't want to move into "I love yous" and promises about forever so quickly.

any thoughts?

Crazy Hitch · Oct 03, 2016, 04:46 AM

My thoughts?

Block the creep and run! Fast.

Yoda · Oct 03, 2016, 05:10 AM

I met a guy in 2000 who quickly became infatuated with me. He told me he loved me very soon and I told him he couldn't possibly love me because he didn't even know who I was. He would pout and give me puppy dog eyes. He was actually a very kind and nice man. I tried to explain to him that I had just ended a long term relationship six weeks prior (my BF died a tragic death) and I was in love with a dead man and not ready for anything serious and just wanted a friend. He persisted and after two months I stopped accepting his phone calls.

If he cannot understand that you do not reciprocate his strong feelings you may have to ditch him. Is his culture much different from your values and all?

Moogieotter · Oct 03, 2016, 07:31 AM

Hi Laura,

I am going to go the other way on this one. If you like him and he has his life together, you should consider going for it. I mean you took a chance by putting yourself out there to find love. He is taking a huge chance by expressing that you swept him off his feet. He has a lot of courage and maybe is just a die hard romantic.

You could just be straight up with him. It would be a good indicator of his character to hear some true feelings about moving a little quick instead of just running to the hills.

From my story, I met my wife in person on a Monday and stayed with her until Friday that week. 9 days later she asked me to be her BF. 12 days later she proposed. We were married within 3 months. Now we have a child together and a wonderful marriage going on 5 years. I am glad we threw out some of the norms and took big chances.

Don't fault a guy for being a big romantic with courage. I mean didn't you want to sweep him off his feet? It worked! Just go for it.

moogs

Oct 03, 2016, 09:30 AM

charlatan

ZenZeta · Oct 03, 2016, 09:41 AM

My advice... Proceed with EXTREME caution.

Everyone wants and NEEDS to feel loved, and it can be very easy to get wrapped up in emotion when someone you like says those three words.

While love doesn't have a time limit per se... TAKE YOUR TIME!!! TRUST ME!!!!!! If he "loves" you so much now, he will love you still a few weeks / months down the road.

Please just be careful. My BF did the same thing and what I thought was sweet and endearing turned out to be controlling and emotionally abusive.

Take your time and enjoy getting to know each other. Keep your eyes open and if it really is love, it will last and he will treat you with the love and respect you deserve

MickeyCheeky · Oct 03, 2016, 10:02 AM

Yes, you need to be cautious about it... there are a lot of creeps :/
If he ever does something that really creeps you out, or you think it's unsettling, you really need to get away from him.

catman8989 · Oct 03, 2016, 10:10 AM

I'd be careful.

Oct 03, 2016, 02:01 PM

Saying he "loves" you inappropriately early in the relationship could reflect a discrepancy in courtship culture from his home country; he may not have learned how loaded "love" is in Indiana.

He could be overwhelmed by testosterone coursing through his bloodstream, blinded by your considerable charms, and be completely, inappropriately, and absolutely infatuated with you. It's not necessarily right or fair, but it happens. I feel sorry for the guy, as early indications suggest that his timing and presentation is off, again perhaps for cultural reasons or out of sheer desperation, and he will blow his chance at being with you.

None of this need be your problem; should you choose to go forward, make sure it's at a pace that you are completely comfortable with. Which culture is he from, so we can sling some irresponsible generalizations?

Rose76 · Oct 03, 2016, 04:34 PM

Your worries are well founded. This guy sounds desperate.

TishaBuv · Oct 03, 2016, 06:42 PM

Be careful. He could be looking for a Green Card.

LucyG · Oct 03, 2016, 06:46 PM

I agree with the others that something is wrong here. What I pick up on control issues where he'll turn you into his whole world, and cut off your contact with family and friends. Proceed with extreme caution. If you can, see if you can run a background check on him and see what you can find out.

Yoda · Oct 03, 2016, 06:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

Be careful. He could be looking for a Green Card.

I had a one night stand when I was at university with a student who was from Saudi Arabia. A couple months later he appeared on my doorstep asking me to marry him.

Those two days were the only time I ever saw him or even talked to him.

pktrain · Oct 03, 2016, 07:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Laura Palmer

So, I met him online. He was really flirty from the get go and I was interested in getting to know him better with the potential for a relationship after some time of getting to know each other. But after a week of knowing him, he's been telling me that he misses me when we go 12 hours without talking and that he loves me. He asked me to be his girlfriend, and I politely declined because I want to get to know him longer before we get into that. But he keeps telling me he loves me, which is a red flag given the short length of being aware of each other's existence. He says that his heart races and he is really happy when he talks to me. I wonder if he thinks I'm naive.

I want to give him the benefit of the doubt and he is getting carried away with mere infatuation or puppy love. But he's gone on about how he doesn't like the conservative culture surrounding sex in his home country, and therefor wants an American girl to marry so he can avoid that.

I really enjoy talking to him but I'm worried that he's just looking for sex, or that he's desperate and trying to settle down with the first woman he can get. I'm attracted to him but as far as I'm concerned we're still in the friend stage, and I don't want to move into "I love yous" and promises about forever so quickly.

any thoughts?

In some cultures, love at first sight is still a concept and excites many males. As a matter of fact, I have gone through it. My advice to you is to not treat it as a red flag. Stay friend and be patient. As time passes, both of you will realize if you should be going ahead.

fairydustgirl · Oct 03, 2016, 09:52 PM

if this is an online dating guy that you are talking to and he's in another country (or says he's in CA) he is a scammer...block and delete. I talked to one for about a month but kept getting clues that things weren't right, I even went so far as to look up the area codes he was calling from and none of them matched up...and the CA area code was known for being used by scammers.
He was sweet, very lovely, sent pictures, sang love songs on the ph to me...quite a character..but I had my radar going because I know guys aren't really like that. he kept saying he loved me and wanted us to be a happy family, etc. I just let him talk. the day the word MONEY came into the conversation I immediately blocked and deleted him.

I have since been approached at least 4 other times by men who had similar stories and acted in a similar fashion. block, delete. they have a script they follow apparently and I recognized it right off after the first one. I looked this up on google about these guys. that's how I learned of this.

just be really careful of anyone who tries to move that fast.

hannabee · Oct 04, 2016, 08:53 AM

He wants to come to the US and a GREEN CARD is what he is after!! Don't be fooled....you are being played, even though it probably is very flattering!

Moogieotter · 11:00 AM

Am I missing a post? all I see is a first post about him. Where are we getting the idea that he is from another culture or after a green card? What did I miss?

moogs

Oct 04, 2016, 10:36 AM

Take exerpts from his correspondence and look them up in google. Many Charlatans and predators use the same script over and over and over again.

My sister-in-law lost $60,000 (!!!) to an internet predator. She would have given more had her accounts not been frozen by her bank and CSIS (Canadian version of FBI and Homeland Security). She was charged with fundraising for terrorist activities and spent thousands more in courts and lawyers' fees proving her innocence.

TishaBuv · Oct 04, 2016, 04:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moogieotter

Am I missing a post? all I see is a first post about him. Where are we getting the idea that he is from another culture or after a green card? What did I miss?

moogs

"I want to give him the benefit of the doubt and he is getting carried away with mere infatuation or puppy love. But he's gone on about how he doesn't like the conservative culture surrounding sex in his home country, and therefor wants an American girl to marry so he can avoid that. "

It was this quote that made me think he is after marrying for a Green Card.

Moogieotter · Oct 04, 2016, 06:08 PM

Haha oops! Thanks Tisha!

Oct 04, 2016, 08:52 PM

He could be honest. He most likely is not. IMHO

s4ndm4n2006 · Oct 05, 2016, 12:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Laura Palmer

So, I met him online. He was really flirty from the get go and I was interested in getting to know him better with the potential for a relationship after some time of getting to know each other. But after a week of knowing him, he's been telling me that he misses me when we go 12 hours without talking and that he loves me. He asked me to be his girlfriend, and I politely declined because I want to get to know him longer before we get into that. But he keeps telling me he loves me, which is a red flag given the short length of being aware of each other's existence. He says that his heart races and he is really happy when he talks to me. I wonder if he thinks I'm naive.

I want to give him the benefit of the doubt and he is getting carried away with mere infatuation or puppy love. But he's gone on about how he doesn't like the conservative culture surrounding sex in his home country, and therefor wants an American girl to marry so he can avoid that.

I really enjoy talking to him but I'm worried that he's just looking for sex, or that he's desperate and trying to settle down with the first woman he can get. I'm attracted to him but as far as I'm concerned we're still in the friend stage, and I don't want to move into "I love yous" and promises about forever so quickly.

any thoughts?

Two reasons to walk away.

First, he is not thinking you're naïve and truly thinks he's in love with you. That is a red flag already. No one is going to be able to love someone after a week. He may mistake infatuation for love and that might be true but it is also a sign of emotional immaturity which is going to lead to a lot of problems right there.

Second you're right, he just wants sex and all the other stuff you mentioned. Well you know why that's bad lol.

So either case, in my opinion it's not a good thing for someone to be so clingy in the first place, let alone after a week.