I feel I need to make peace with this reality..

I've recently realised I'm paralyzed by the fear of people not liking me.. Part of me feels ashamed to admit this because I've always prided myself on my 'toughness', on not caring what anyone else thought of me..

But now I have to admit I do.. It's always been lurking underneath.. I actually think I didn't know how to care before! But since starting therapy and having someone actually care about how I feel.. The emotions are finally coming to the surface.

I actually had a dream about this last night.. My ex told a group of girls to take me out with them, and I screamed at him that I didn't want to go. He got angry and shamed me in front of everyone, saying I'd 'rather go sit at home than go out with a bunch of nice people'.. He did this in real life, too, and I just remember being SOOO angry with him that he wouldn't listen to why I was afraid, what it was all about..

Now I'm admitting that it does hurt me when someone doesn't like me.. I do get that sense of 'have I done something wrong, why doesn't this person like me?' - I feel I need to admit how I feel so I won't lose myself.. Yes, it does hurt, but I'll get over it!

What I DON'T want to do is abandon myself and try to become someone other people would like.. Unless I'm hurting them, of course, then I need to change - but if it's just that we're interested in different things, then I don't want to change, just like no one else needs to only to please others.

I don't need to 'fit in' anymore - I can be me and give my own personal valuable contribution to the world!

Live and let live

[Unrigged64072835]

Sometimes it takes trial and error before you find your "tribe", the group or individuals you want to be around with. It's going to take rejection, and that's okay.

[LucyG]

If you grew up in an abusive home chances are you're a loner, and not comfortable in groups. Even if you're an extrovert, you're still a loner from what I've read about childhood abuse. If that's the case, you need to realize you'll probably never be comfortable in groups.

As for people not liking you, don't project stuff onto other people unless you know for sure they feel that way. Most people are so involved in their own lives that they barely notice anyone but their closest friends and family. For most people their three favorite people are me, myself and I.

Thank you for replying and sharing your insight!

LucyG, I definitely did retreat into my shell as a child, preferring solitary activities, and even when I was with other people, I was always convinced that if they 'truly knew me', they wouldn't like me.. Because my mum didn't, and my dad didn't even care

There have been other people as well who haven't accepted my dreams for my own life, and for some reason, I've always got stuck on those people's opinions and wishes, trying to please them while losing myself..

But no more The right people will want to know me, not for me to pretend to be someone else..

[LucyG]

Originally Posted by not.dead.yet

Thank you for replying and sharing your insight!

LucyG, I definitely did retreat into my shell as a child, preferring solitary activities, and even when I was with other people, I was always convinced that if they 'truly knew me', they wouldn't like me.. Because my mum didn't, and my dad didn't even care

There have been other people as well who haven't accepted my dreams for my own life, and for some reason, I've always got stuck on those people's opinions and wishes, trying to please them while losing myself..

But no more The right people will want to know me, not for me to pretend to be someone else..

Good for you!!

You can't choose your parents, and who knows what happened to them growing up that made them the way they are. As you get older, chances are you'll find out things that happened in their lives that made them who they are, and will help you understand why they behave the way they do. Good luck...