Need input on whether or not this is a good idea.

I was not looking for anyone right now but was messaged on OKCupid by a seemingly nice guy who is working for his PhD, has his dissertation all worked out but has yet to be officially given the title.

The hitch?

He is in a toxic marriage and told me that his physically, emotionally and psychotically abusive "wife" would literally try and kill him if he tried to divorce her as he still shares the same living space as her. He assured me he would most certainly divorce her when he and his two cats had a place to go.

Now, me being the realistic yet sympathetic person I am, am wondering if it's any semblance of a good idea to get to know him. He seems nice and the bleeding heart part of me wants to give him a chance but I know guys can be manipulative and use that angle to take advantage of me. I also realize he could just be looking for someone to use to escape his abusive marrage and once out of it, he could just leave them. I am not trying to be in denial of anything.

He also lives a few states away from me in Massachusetts, around the Boston area.

I guess what I am asking is for an outsider's opinion on whether getting to know this guy is anywhere near a good idea.

Me, personally, no. I'm not interested in getting involved in anything that potentially hazardous in my life. No thank you. I don't recommend it either.

It sounds like all he wants is a mistress. If the wife finds out, she could retaliate against you. Keep safe. You deserve better anyway.

I would not get involved with someone who was still living with his wife, regardless of how awful he claims she is. Becoming involved with someone who's in such a toxic situation isn't likely to end well. If I'm gong to get involved with someone on a dating site, I only want to see the potential positives they might have to offer. With this guy, the negatives are already in plain sight. I would avoid getting involved at all costs.

Art chic! I'm sorry but I would stay away from this guy. At least in a romantic sense. Men don't often leave their wives if they haven't already in a situation like his.

Bad idea. He is not only legally married, he lives with his wife. And he lives far away. Possibly looking for some casual phone sex. Otherwise he'd be looking locally and will be filing for divorce as well as living apart. I also would check if he is really in PhD program. Ask what school and what field and do some checking. Or just stop talking to him.

I find it difficult to believe that the "physically, emotionally and psychotically abusive "wife" [who] would literally try and kill him if he tried to divorce her..." doesn't have a problem with him being away from home hours at a time. You wouldn't think someone like he describes would "allow" that.

I think he is likely lying to you, along with all the others he chases and catches on dating sites.

Maybe he can introduce you to a single guy who lives in your town. Otherwise, you have no use for him. Why is this married guy hitting on women on a dating site? Very creepy.

Start using your logical mind in place of your emotional one & the answer will be as obvious as all the great replies you have received here about why NOT to get involved with this guy. I'm sure if you FACT CHECKED him you would find at least most of what you have been told are lies.

Hi,

I thought OKCupid really worked for finding local dates. Does he have children? Tell him to text you a photo of the divorce decree when he's ready to talk to a nice girl from the dating site.

moogs

No. He is married.

I 150% agree what all posters above me have said.

Absolutely not.

Do not entertain even meeting a guy that isn't living separately from his (ex) wife.

He's scamming you by the sounds of things, wants a sidekick.

Been there, done that. Not a good idea at all.

Stay the hell clear of him! Sounds` a bit shady too me! If you have already got baggage of your own `WELL` it goes` without saying!!!!

I wonder why his wife is the way she is with him????????? Maybe he has been caught being unfaithful???????????..........Run girl run

Do you really need to ask? What's the female equivalent of ' I wouldn't touch her with yours' Stay well clear.

"he would most certainly will divorce her when he and his cats have somewhere to go"

You say he seems like a nice person, etc. Yet in your description of your first knowledge of him he's complaining of a psychotic wife whom he is not divorced from nor even separated. Hmm that's all kinds of complicated in more ways than I can say.