[Artchic528]

I've come to the indisputable conclusion that love, as portrayed in the movies and in novels, doesn't exist in reality. There are no "fairy tale endings" where "Prince Charming" comes gallivanting into your life and carries you away to a "Happily Ever After".

In fact, the only kind of love that exists is a strong bond between family members, if at all. I've concluded that people get married simply because society, and to a certain degree, their elders, dictate that is what they should do as constructive members of society. This exact reason, along with the biological necessity to reproduce to keep the human species alive and thriving for another generation, is why people pair up and become "couples".

I'm pretty sure a majority of you will respond with statements to the effect of "you're wrong" and "true love exists", but I've yet to see this as a fact. All the words and reassurance in the world are useless to me if facts can't be backed up with evidence. Of course, all one has to say to refute my evidence is to suggest I look at my own parents, and surviving grandparents.

My two remaining grandparents have been "happily married" for 63 years. I can't fathom waking up to someone who will be willing to do the same for such a great length of time. I highly suspect that their faith, Lutheranism, as well as the expectations of men and women in the day and age they were wed, the early 50's, heavily influenced their decisions to marry and start a family. One simply just got married and had kids as they aged, as it was expected of them if they were to be proper believers of their faith, and proper citizens of society. I think that they learned to live with each other and grew dependent on one another's presence to the point where they can't imagine life without each other, finding such a life downright unlivable.

In fact, there was a time where women who DIDN'T get married were branded as "spinsters" and as such, were considered not desirable to men, or even not of normal mental cognition, perhaps being seen as to strong willed and stubborn to follow societies' expectations and morals and willingly "settle down" with a man. This title was considered highly taboo in it's time. Such women were to be pitied, cast out of society, and destined to grow old and alone, without children to pass their legacy down to.

Marriage has lost the "permanency" it once held, as people can readily separate and divorce and not feel branded or looked down upon as a failure for doing such, as they might have once been. Also, more of marriages today end up in divorce than ever before, either due to financial strain, or out of what is commonly referred to as "irreconcilable differences". More and more individuals are taking the title of being a spouse for granted. Yes, I know that back in Victorian times, most men had a mistress along with a wife, and it was considered normal and accepted as a regular thing in marriage, and that there were other marital practices that happened back then that we, today, would be shocked over. However, the bottom line is, men and women are getting married more so for the sake of convenience rather than any semblance of "romance". I strongly feel that marriage is loosing it's once solemn and dignified meaning and becoming a more so, "thing to do" on a whim, rather than a well thought out and permanent decision it once was.

However, let's get back to living with a person for many, MANY years. My own parents even raise doubts as to how one can live with another for such a length of time. My father and mother couldn't be any more different. Mom is a (mostly) vegetarian, liberal, Democratic, peacemaking, yoga doing, new age soul. Dad is a meat and potatoes, farm raised and bred, semi conservative, often times abrasive and rude, stubborn old man. These contrasting personalities often cause conflict in their marriage, yet somehow, they are still together. I think it's more so because divorce is daunting to my folks, and they don't want to throw away what they have done together, and the lives they've henceforth created. They also don't want to add stress and confusion to my two brothers and I. I also feel they are still together more or less out of convenience and expectations over anything else.

Mom has even confided unto me that their wedding ceremony was more so for their parents, rather than for herself and Dad. It's simply what was done and expected of men and women in their time, to have a big wedding, then children thereafter. If she had a say in her life, she might have done things a bit differently.

Don't get me wrong, I'm glad my parents had decided to bring me into this world, but I can't help but feel that such a decision was pressured unto them by both society and what was expected of them as adults, both genetically and as dictated by their parents before them.

That's how most species on this planet function. There is no such thing as true monogamy, actually. Even species renowned for their monogamy, like the Bald Eagle for instance, often leave their mate for another for whatever reason, or mate with another on the side. Sometimes more than one female lays her eggs in the nest.

Anyways, I apologize if you find my experiences and rambling to be offensive. I'm simply using my own experiences and observations as basis for my conclusion, as any good scientist would do.

[TishaBuv]

There must be couples who felt they love each other so much they just want to stay together for life. I think of a gay couple I know who stayed together 30 years. They had none of those societal motives or to have children.

Then, even though the reason to marry may be for those life reasons, the person you choose to be with is the one who wins over your heart. It's that person you feel love for above any others.

You have to really love someone to go through life together. The ups and downs of life, having children... even couples who truly love get torn apart by the stresses.

I am a product of being taught to believe in fairy tales. Now, Disney changed that to teach girls to be more independent.

I've complained to no end on here about my h because we developed such a problem. But, he sure did seem like Prince Charming when we first met and married! I was floating on air.

Maybe that did set me up for a fall.

People still need to have children. Children still need parents.

I hope marriage doesn't become obsolete.

[Moogieotter]

You write well, Artchic. I'm admire your ability to organize your thoughts.

I think marriage is cool.

moogs

[Artchic528]

Originally Posted by Moogieotter

You write well, Artchic. I'm admire your ability to organize your thoughts.

I think marriage is cool.

moogs

Thanks for the compliment, Moogs. I once had aspirations of being a writer, but can't really discipline myself sufficiently to write out anything worth publishing. I had many an idea of a YA novel, but they all used plot devices that have since been well overused in YA media, such as a love triangle, or romance in general.

Anyways, I'm digressing from the main subject of this thread. Romance as we've been shown in movies and books isn't reality at all.

Marriage means different things to different people. They marry for a variety of reasons and it's not up to me to decide if their reasons are valid enough. Marriage is becoming obsolete over time. For some it's obsolete now. Throughout history people have married for a variety of reasons (financial, political, love, forced) love means different things to different people. Family might be viewed as more important than a lover to some, but not everyone has family or feels that way. I think it's healthy for you to discover your own feelings on love and marriage. We all view things in unique ways and these shade our world in profound ways. Keep learning what you think and feel.

[Artchic528]

Originally Posted by ElsaMars

Marriage means different things to different people. They marry for a variety of reasons and it's not up to me to decide if their reasons are valid enough. Marriage is becoming obsolete over time. For some it's obsolete now. Throughout history people have married for a variety of reasons (financial, political, love, forced) love means different things to different people. Family might be viewed as more important than a lover to some, but not everyone has family or feels that way. I think it's healthy for you to discover your own feelings on love and marriage. We all view things in unique ways and these shade our world in profound ways. Keep learning what you think and feel.

Thanks, Elsa!!

I too, agree, that marriage is becoming obsolete. Especially since couples living together out of wedlock isn't at all as taboo, nor as illegal, as it once was. My brother and his girlfriend aren't married, nor, do I believe, even engaged at the moment. However, they've been living together for nearly 6 years. I don't know much about if they ever intend to be married in any "official" capacity, or if they even feel they need to. For all I know, they are common-law and his girlfriend is my SIL. My mother already considers her a DIL.

[~Christina]

You really are a wonderful writer.

Movie and novel "love" is not reality, same as the Barbie doll isn't what a real woman is.
Things are just not that way.

Know you don't want to hear this but..... My husband and I truly love each other, we laugh and live our life good times and not so great. Often when we try the whole " romantic " we wind up laughing lol

I know I am lucky, we were best friends long before we took a leap.

After my first marriage ended I had no intention of dating and hell no to getting marriage. Anyway he proposed and it was actually very cute and I couldn't help but say yes. Marriage does me something to us.

[divine1966]

Well I am 50 and just got married second time. Society doesn't give a damn if we are married. My family can't care less about legal marriage especially if no kids involved. I have been in a long term cohabitating relationship with someone for almost 9 years. Clearly society did not pressure me to do anything. I dated other people etc

Then I met my second husband and we are just a great match and wanted to be married, we are happy and we like being by married. There might be was some societal pressure in old times especially if you want kids but those times are over in the western world. If one doesn't want to be married they don't have to be

[Nammu]

I don't believe in happily ever after either, I think it's constant and heavy hard work. I do think societies and individuals expectations have changed over time. Once spun a time one was expected to "get on with life", "make do", now one is "entitled" to a life.

[Crazy Hitch]

I got married because I wanted to. Not because society said I had to.

Turns out the marriage wasn't even worth the paper the certificate was printed in. Marriage on a piece of paper doesn't mean your partner will love you for life or that they won't cheat.

[Trippin2.0]

I learned many years ago that its quite a common mistake to base for some to base their romantic expectations off of fairy tales, RomComs and Soapies.


Such relationship obviously don't exist as they were dreamt up by writers who got paid to do so.


True love does exist, but its up to each of us to define what it looks and feels like.

Never did go with 'romance' myself, I married my best friend - it hasn't been easy and there have been peaks and troughs but I've learned a lot with him, that's been the pleasure.