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#1
Oct 18, 2016, 04:54 AM
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3, almost 4 years ago I ended my relationship with a guy whom I was head over heels in love with. We dated on and off which pissed my friends off. He sent a bunch of mixed signals, cheated on me, flirted with attractive women in front of me immediately post breakup and many other things. Enough to do some lasting mental and emotional damage.
It took all that time since our last breakup for me to stop missing him and being in love with him. However, because of what he put me through, I find it practically impossible to date again. Whenever I find a potential boyfriend, I start out happy and excited to start dating but then suddenly I shut down. I panic and decide that dating is a really bad idea. Usually this turns the guy off and he stops talking to me. However, this guy I've known since when I dated my ex mentioned, wanted to date me after I finally ended my relationship but I was extremely heartbroken at the time and couldn't do it. We didn't talk for years after and have recently reconnected. He says he's still interested in dating me and we discussed a possible relationship. He also plans to come visit me (we live in different states now) and we were supposed to try dating when he came. We talked everyday and I was super excited. Suddenly I was having panic attacks just thinking about it. I got depressed and kept breaking down over it so I asked him if we could wait even longer and just be friends for the mean time. He seems okay with this and that he understands my resistance to dating and says he went through a similar situation. However, he says one thing that honestly bothers me and I can't get out of my mind. After saying he's okay with just being friends until I'm ready, he says "Just please don't leave me in the friendzone." This bothers me because I've been unable to have another relationship in the past 3 years and when I say I'm still not ready to date again, I'm told not to "leave him in the friendzone". To me, it feels like he's sort of pressuring me. I can see if I left him as a friend and decided to seek out a relationship with somebody else but what if I'm just not ready for a very long time? I'm I still friendzoning him? Am I just overreacting about this or am I right to be a little annoyed with what he said? I am so confused. |
 Anonymous59125, Bill3, MickeyCheeky, Yours_Truly
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#2
Oct 18, 2016, 05:43 AM
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I wonder if you are seeing a therapist to help you overcome what that guy did to you.
It strikes me as very accomodating of the new guy to basically wait for as long as you need..To me, what he is asking is that you maintain the possibility of dating him. If you friendzone him then he would be waiting for nothing. |
 Delicious, Trippin2.0, Yours_Truly
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#3
Oct 18, 2016, 05:46 AM
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The only way to get over your past experience is to work on the present. You don't need to abide by any timeline, you go at your own pace. Maybe he's not the one for you- you won't know until you try dating and honestly, if you do end up only wanting a friendship, it's only fair that he finds out sooner than later. He's afraid if he waits too long you'll end up losing interest and wanting him only as a friend. He doesn't want to put in a lot of time to end up hurt. That's all he means.
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| Trippin2.0
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#4
Oct 18, 2016, 06:01 AM
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Quote:
That's the thing though. It's nice of him to wait but even I have told him that since I don't know when or even if I'll been ready to date again (not trying to sound dramatic), I don't want him to wait too long. Why wait for somebody like me when there's plenty of women out there that are ready for a relationship. He's a great guy and deserves to have a woman who wants to be with him. I guess what bothered me what just how he worded it. I don't like the term "friendzoned". It makes me feel rushed. |
| Bill3
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#5
Oct 18, 2016, 06:05 AM
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Quote:
I think I'll have to try to get in to see a therapist about my past stuff like Bill said. Try to work through it so then maybe I can move on with this guy. |
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#6
Oct 18, 2016, 07:52 AM
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Quote:
However, it sounds like the knowledge that he is waiting is something that weighs on you. Maybe you tell yourself that you should be healing faster, that you should not be panicky, so as to not keep him waiting? Quote:
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| Trippin2.0
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#7
Oct 18, 2016, 08:14 AM
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You owe it to yourself to go to therapy to deal with your hurt and anxiety.
I respect him for his comment. He has romantic feelings for you and it would hurt him if you only think of him as a friend. I don't feel like he said it to rush you. I think he said it to make his intentions very clear.
__________________
"And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
| Lauliza, RKORyder, Trippin2.0
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#8
Oct 18, 2016, 09:04 AM
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I think he's a nice guy.. he's honest, but also kind and patient, and he understands what you're going through
 Not many guys would do that..Take your time, and try him out IF you want and WHEN you want. If you don't like him, that's fine 
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| RKORyder
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| Reply |
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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