Is the mother fair or wrong? What should her oldest child do?

A woman has two adult children, one has to pay $100 for rent per month and utilities to live at home, the other adult child doesn't have to pay anything but has to pay a $400 car loan every month, a car that they chose to buy themselves. The oldest child who has to pay money for rent and utilities could not get a key to the house until they "proved themselves" and didn't call out unequal treatment between the two siblings. The oldest one also has to rely on the youngest sibling (who is a narcissist) to get in the house until they were able to get their own key.

The oldest one doesn't want to go to a shelter and rent elsewhere is sky high compared to living at home. But she's had all she could take of her sadistic sibling and the enabling mother. She also doesn't have many friends to rely on.

Is this particular mother right or unfair with the rent? Should the oldest one just stay and save up money to move out or save her sanity and go to a shelter?

The mother is neither right or wrong/ fair or unfair. She is damn nice to allow her adult children to stay in her house at all.

$100 pr. Mo. rent is fabulously low. You're not going to get that deal any where else. Are you going to look a gift horse in the mouth and complain about not being treated equally to your sister?

I actually agree.. That "rent" is very low..

Good luck

$100 a month is an awesome price.
If I were the oldest child, I'd probably stay at home and save up money so I could move out as soon as possible. Good luck to you.

If your chief complaint is the money, I don't see a problem here. If you're being abused, manipulated, put down constantly etc., then ignore them as much as possible. Save up money and find a place you'd rather live. Stay in a dorm room, or something.

Why are you all being so rude to the OP? She's clearly not complaining about the money, the problem is that she's being treated badly while her sister can do as she pleases with no consequence.

Sounds like you don't have the kind of sister or mother that you had wanted. Neither did I and it does hurt, but there's not much you can do about it. I'd try to save some money and move, or maybe find some kind of exchange deal for rent with an elder...or someone who needs a babysitter on occasion? Big hug and good luck.

I get it.

It really isn't anything to do with the money that's an issue.

It's the total inequality of the situation. You're paying rent, your sibling isn't. You weren't given a key, your sister was.

I'm sorry that you've got such a brutal contrast staring at you everyday to show you that your mother plays favourites.

I do get the brutality of the inequality in the situation - been there (and more..) with the FOO ("family of origin") and it stinks.

I think the best thing is to get away from these people as soon as you can

The whole problem can be summed up as this:

"Adult" children living at home.

It's just not gonna work.

I think a lot of you are missing the point a bit.

Yes, $100/month rent is insanely cheap. Yes, adults living with their parents really should try to save up to leave and can't really complain about the rules.

But I don't think that's the point. It's the way that the two siblings are treated so vastly different that would cause the pain. It's hurtful to watch how a family member has a clear favourite, as parents should be trying to not show who the favourite is.

That causes a lot of pain and is a huge topic on this website as it causes a lot of emotional anguish. It feels like a lot of you are dismissing that valid source of pain due to the reaction of "wow that rent is cheap!!"

BOTHchildren should be paying rent.

Sure, I can hear the resentment in the OP's post about how the siblings are not being treated equal by the parent. But there's a lot of info we don't know, like why. Remember school reading tests where you had a short story to read and then got tested on your understanding? I feel like this post is like that.

Growing up, nothing was equal with my sisters. And raising my sons, nothing was equal, either. It's not possible to have all things be equal. Situations are just different. And that has nothing to do with playing favorites. It wasn't like that, it was just some kids get this, some kids get that.

One of my sons got a full college scholarship, the other one got none. What should happen there?

A family is a team.

I understand the OP's point that she wants to save the $100 so that she can move out on her own. That's a good point. If I was the mother, didn't need the $100, and wanted my daughter to move out, I would help her save that money so she could get out of my house. But we don't know the whole situation.