[marisa86]

How much of the past sexual experiences do you tell your partner?

I had very little previous experience before meeting my husband, I think I'm probably very unusual.

He wanted to know details (he's actually very possessive and jealous in nature like that) and I told him the very little there was to tell. I'm kind of an open book in many ways like that (with him anyway).

[Trippin2.0]

Absolutely zero.


The past is the past, and I'm glad we both have taken that stance as I have seen numerous threads posted by tortured souls who either learned or shared too much.


The only reason I would ever share anything related to past sexual behavior, was if I had an STD.

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by marisa86

How much of the past sexual experiences do you tell your partner?

Very dependent on where you are in your relationship, how much trust has been built and whether those past events are really relevant to your current status of your relationship.

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

Absolutely zero.


The past is the past, and I'm glad we both have taken that stance as I have seen numerous threads posted by tortured souls who either learned or shared too much.


The only reason I would ever share anything related to past sexual behavior, was if I had an STD.

I partially agree. I think that there are a few cases when the past is something that affects the current relationship and in those cases sharing may be a good thing. STD, would be one of them, yes but I'm sure there are a few other reasons.

Generally though I agree that the past doesn't have to come up in most cases.

[marisa86]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

Very dependent on where you are in your relationship, how much trust has been built and whether those past events are really relevant to your current status of your relationship.

Together for more than 5 years...he says he doesn't care but yet he keeps asking about certain things,i think fessing up now would just destroy us...it's nothing that would come back to him it was just an experience with an ex who has moved on with his life a long time ago married with kids now

[marisa86]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

Absolutely zero.


The past is the past, and I'm glad we both have taken that stance as I have seen numerous threads posted by tortured souls who either learned or shared too much.


The only reason I would ever share anything related to past sexual behavior, was if I had an STD.

my point exactly STD only clearly that's a must tell...

[marisa86]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

I partially agree. I think that there are a few cases when the past is something that affects the current relationship and in those cases sharing may be a good thing. STD, would be one of them, yes but I'm sure there are a few other reasons.

Generally though I agree that the past doesn't have to come up in most cases.

i understand like number of partners maybe who they were etc but getting into details about everything you tried is touchy

[marisa86]

Truth be told i told him i never tried something when in fact i did in a previous relationship from day one he smelled a rat but i kept on saying no all because i really liked him and didn't want him to look at me any different or ruin something that could be really special .....5 years after he still keeps asking this time he's saying he don't care he just want to know but it won't take a fortune teller to tell me he will care and god knows what else but now i'm on this guilt trip of thinking i deceived him into being with me and maybe i should fess up and lose him ..... or be hated by him for the record he knows i wasn't no virgin and i had past relationships

[s4ndm4n2006]

if h'es been asking for 5 yrs I'd say he cares very much and for that reason he's hung up on something that should not be important. Do you really want to continue with a person that is bound to hold your past over your head for years to come?

[Trippin2.0]

I wouldn't fess up.


Sorry but that's just me, I'd tell him to get over himself because I'm sick of the same topic coming up for 5 years.


I would also tell him that if he just can't drop it for whatever reason, amd he expects me to accept that, then he must just accept that I will be ignoring the question from now on because I've answered it already.


Why?


Well because I smell a rat too and no good can come from this.


It's like he's itching to grab hold of something to hold over your head. If he knows you lied (which it seems he does) why not just accept it (since it has nothing to do with him) and move on since you haven't changed your story in 5 years? That would be the healthy response... Instead it's like a mini obsession he has.


No good can come from telling him what he wants to hear, I would bet my salary on it. (And I live paycheck to paycheck)

It sounds like insecurity to me, does he show other signs of insecurity too? Like wanting to keep tabs on you and who you talk to?

[jimmy rich]

Originally Posted by marisa86

How much of the past sexual experiences do you tell your partner?

I "shared" every single thing I could remember with my late wife because we started off with 100% honesty but, shortly after she crossed over, I learned of many unspoken details of her life which she NEVER shared with me! It's OK, since I realize that her past may have been just too painful to talk about and share with me and others while my past was easier for me to talk about even if it did and still does hurt. I suppose it comes down to what is safe and less painful to share with others or at what time to do it. Maybe, if my late wife had lived a few more years, she might have opened up and shared more of her self with me. Oh well............

[~Christina]

Outside like STD's as mentioned no need to talk about your past relationship.

Nope nada zilch.

If he just can't move past whatever he is hung up on then he needs therapy to help him understand why he feels the need to know and how to get past it.

[marisa86]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

I wouldn't fess up.


Sorry but that's just me, I'd tell him to get over himself because I'm sick of the same topic coming up for 5 years.


I would also tell him that if he just can't drop it for whatever reason, amd he expects me to accept that, then he must just accept that I will be ignoring the question from now on because I've answered it already.


Why?


Well because I smell a rat too and no good can come from this.


It's like he's itching to grab hold of something to hold over your head. If he knows you lied (which it seems he does) why not just accept it (since it has nothing to do with him) and move on since you haven't changed your story in 5 years? That would be the healthy response... Instead it's like a mini obsession he has.


No good can come from telling him what he wants to hear, I would bet my salary on it. (And I live paycheck to paycheck)

Great minds think alike....

[marisa86]

[QUOTE=prefabsprout;5332184]It sounds like insecurity to me, does he show other signs of insecurity too? Like wanting to keep tabs on you and who you talk to?[

not really i live alone i get the usual good morning call the during the day sometimes if he's not busy,then i get the regular evening calls to say he's home and later on a goodnight call the usual, whenever i'm leaving my apartment i let him know but that's just for security purposes, he rarely checks up on me when i'm out, when it comes to my phone he doesn't screen my calls or check my messages the only time he would ask it's who is if it's like 10pm or so and messages coming in. but sometimes his jealous side shows up for instance i was at a supermarket and i saw a guy from my hometown same time the guy was passing he called and he heard the guy say good morning and asked how i'm doing,casually in pass and i replied and he was on the phone catching a fit asking who and where he from etc etc that side of him i rarely see and it comes out when he knows he hasn't been spending much time with me.

[Trippin2.0]

[QUOTE=marisa86;5332753]

Originally Posted by prefabsprout

It sounds like insecurity to me, does he show other signs of insecurity too? Like wanting to keep tabs on you and who you talk to?[



not really i live alone i get the usual good morning call the during the day sometimes if he's not busy,then i get the regular evening calls to say he's home and later on a goodnight call the usual, whenever i'm leaving my apartment i let him know but that's just for security purposes, he rarely checks up on me when i'm out, when it comes to my phone he doesn't screen my calls or check my messages the only time he would ask it's who is if it's like 10pm or so and messages coming in. but sometimes his jealous side shows up for instance i was at a supermarket and i saw a guy from my hometown same time the guy was passing he called and he heard the guy say good morning and asked how i'm doing,casually in pass and i replied and he was on the phone catching a fit asking who and where he from etc etc that side of him i rarely see and it comes out when he knows he hasn't been spending much time with me.

Yeeeeeah. No.


Don't share. Just no.