Spouse jealous of opposite sex friendship

Nov 04, 2016, 12:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by justafriend306

Gosh, I just wish to point out I clarified my position from the onset that I knew it would be controversial. I also clearly indicated my tone and viewpoint stemmed from personal experience. That this wouldn't be everyone else's experience I thought would be self explanatory.

The point of a forum is to exchange thoughts, ideas, and suggestions. It is the nature of a forum then that people have opposing opinions. Disagreement is going to happen.

At the risk of encurring further wrath here I think it neccesry to raise the following point. If we make a post looking for answers we must be prepared for those we are not going to want to hear. I think that comes with the territory. Whay ask something in the first place if all you want to hear is agreement?

When someone does offer critisism or alternate viewpaoint that is not being rude, it is actully ensuring the discussion remains healthy and real.

Yes, I was critical, but constructive criticism is what makes and propels honest discourse. To trounce upon differing opinions, to infer they should be disallowed is actually contrary to democracy.

You misunderstand me, it is not counter viewpoints I have a problem with (plenty of others I don't have a problem with), it is how you expressed yours. You implied my husband was not number 1, and that was neither true nor necessary.

Yes you are allowed to write what you like but I did not find your forceful tone or your implications helpful. This is a support site after all.

hvert · Nov 04, 2016, 03:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by prefabsprout

I don't personally feel losing my friend will help this long term, but I do think by seeing my friend less and with other people present may be the way to help. My gut tells me if f is a true friend (& I believe he is) he won't mind.

That seems like a reasonable approach given your situation. You are really in a no-win position. I wouldn't want to back down, but I also wouldn't want to cause marital strife over a relationship that wasn't as important to me as my marriage. There's no great solution.

Nov 04, 2016, 09:46 PM

I have several relationship questions I would like to pose to the board but I fear I already know the answers many would give and I'm a bit sensitive right now. Some people can't help but throw out the baby with the bath water. Or insist you throw away perfectly good milk which is only 1 hour past expiration. It's tough and it took courage to put yourself out there and listen to many points of view. In the end I hope you learned a bunch. People mean well....that is reality.....but some situations are'nt black and white and many people have trouble living in our grey world. (((Hugs)))

Open Eyes · Nov 08, 2016, 04:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by prefabsprout

Thanks Open Eyes, yes I think it is primal with him. I'm not sure if he doesn't like or does like F as he has said both things at different times and switches between.

It could be that he is fighting some deep instincts that he doesn't quite understand himself, like a negative gut feeling that makes him uncomfortable.
It's not as though he isolates you from working and being with friends, it's just this one "male" friend that he has this gut feeling that he needs to limit your exposure to, especially being alone with. It could be something you yourself might struggle with if your husband began spending time with a woman that gave you a negative gut feeling that came from some deep intinctual level.

Nov 08, 2016, 05:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

It could be that he is fighting some deep instincts that he doesn't quite understand himself, like a negative gut feeling that makes him uncomfortable.
It's not as though he isolates you from working and being with friends, it's just this one "male" friend that he has this gut feeling that he needs to limit your exposure to, especially being alone with. It could be something you yourself might struggle with if your husband began spending time with a woman that gave you a negative gut feeling that came from some deep intinctual level.

Thanks Open eyes, yes I feel he might not fully understand his own reaction.

He definitely doesn't isolate me from working, he wants me to work less hours but that is concern for me, he is very protective of me (a little too much sometimes) but I know it's because he cares.

In terms of my friends, well F is not the only friend he has been 'off' with, there have been others in the past - just different objections. It's not been frequent but it's happened a few times, he can be intolerant of those who are different to his usual type of company. He has focussed on F most recently.

Actually I just got back from a chaperoned meet up with F and another friend which was nice, and H is cool about everything so I'm hoping we have a compromise.

I can't say if I would struggle with jealousy with h, he has got some old gfs he keeps in touch with, his ex wives, none of which I feel threatened by. I just know he wouldn't cheat on me (as much as one can know). He even used to play in a band accompanying a stripper and although I didn't like it I trusted him.

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Spouse jealous of opposite sex friendship

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