[black-roses]

my problem is my self esteem is so damaged I fail to believe that anyone would be interested in me. They always think when I say I have mental problems it's an excuse but really I hate my self how am I going to let anyone love me when all I think about how ADHD turned me into a useless person. I feel at anger for being born this way and I feel if my ADHD doesn't go away I will always be hating my self. I've said it in other threads how I'd feel sorry for a guy loving me mainly because I can't do the same things people my age normally do on a whim... I have thought to myself so many times I have nothing that would draw a guy to me. I can't housekeep and all I can see is my doubts and failures. My own failures are what's colouring how others think of me...

You are worthy of love. I'm sorry you feel so terrible. (((Hugs)))

[gayleggg]

You are not your disease. You have worth just the way you are. Let people love you and they will if you let them. (((((Hugs)))))

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

I relate a lot with this. A lot lot. Big time lot. I strongly believe you may need to work on yourself. I know this sounds cliché, and I guess it is, but it can be so true. In a roundabout way, I think you're acknoledged this already. It doesn't mean you're unlovable or anything, it just means you need to focus on yourself. I'm sure you'll find someone, but your chances will shoot up when you are more focused on your own happiness (without relying on a man/woman) and in your own hobbies.

Try to be proactive in life. Work on what makes you miserable (even just the small stuff, like perhaps if you have clutter in your home which bugs you) or unsatisfied and work on that first. Build up a sturdier foundation on which a relationship can settle and grow. I used to sit around and wait for a woman to "save" me from my stuff, but I got sick of it and realised I was going nowhere in a hurry, so, step by step, I worked on myself, on my own situation. Right down to learning about body language and how people peceive me. Always more to work on. Now when I notice a flaw of mine (of which there are certainly many) I mark is as something to work on, not something that is the end of the world about me.

Contrastly, try to work towards accepting things you can't change, but take that negative thing and learn to better cope with it, such as learning to better cope with or manage your ADHD. I'll probably always have anxiety problems and OCD with recurring bouts of depression. I'm 30 years old and this has been going on since I was a kid. I don't see a way out of it, BUT I can learn to cope better with what I do have, so I can make the most of it.

Have goals. That was a big thing for me... I needed goals... even simple things like physically getting healthier, going to college (even if just a part time course) just really made a difference, and it didn't go unnoticed. Am I perfect now? God no. I still struggle, but I'm more proactive about it and I'm in a better place than I was, that's for sure. IMO, it's all about making the best of what we have.

Just my 2 cents, as they say. Sorry for the rambles.

"my problem is my self esteem is so damaged" <-- this, IMO, should be the target of your energy. Ask yourself why your self-esteem is the way it is. Does it come down to core beliefs you have about yourself? Could those beliefs be challenged? Is it possible that your beliefs about yourself aren't rational or fair? Could you use any local resources and the Internet to chase down methods you can use to combat low self-esteem? Focus on the problem as a challenge, not defeat.

https://www.youtube.com/results?sear...cope+with+adhd

http://www.helpguide.org/articles/ad...-self-help.htm

There are resources out there on the interwebs. Hope those links lead to more interesting searches.

"because I can't do the same things people my age normally do on a whim" - neither can I, and neither could I in my 20s, or even earlier. Just the way it is. Learning to accept that and look at what you can do could be a good move. You're not alone, if it's any consolation. I struggle as well, as I'm sure many of us do. Lots of things I can't do... it gets me down, especially in my relationship. Finding someone understanding will be key, IMO.

Sorry for the long reply. I kept thinking of new things to add. xD

[fosterthehuman]

i literally have those same thoughts. i can relate to this so much. there's so many times, i mean numerous times where i've pushed away people cause i was afraid they wouldn't like me or judge me cause i wasn't as "smart" as them, or i couldn't do things as fast as them. and a lot of times, i don't want people to figure it out, i'm scared of being judged. i think about the times where people have judged me and i just go "nope" they're not gonna even get close to me to even figure it out. i've screwed myself so hard cause of this. i wish i could give advice cause i would love to help. all i can say is that you're definitely not alone.

[black-roses]

Originally Posted by fosterthehuman

i literally have those same thoughts. i can relate to this so much. there's so many times, i mean numerous times where i've pushed away people cause i was afraid they wouldn't like me or judge me cause i wasn't as "smart" as them, or i couldn't do things as fast as them. and a lot of times, i don't want people to figure it out, i'm scared of being judged. i think about the times where people have judged me and i just go "nope" they're not gonna even get close to me to even figure it out. i've screwed myself so hard cause of this. i wish i could give advice cause i would love to help. all i can say is that you're definitely not alone.

Yes, other people seeing my failures and flaws are big thing for me I just push them away because I feel so guilty that they want to help me. I feel responsible for making there lives harder. I am the role of the self sacrificer I will sacrifice my own needs if it means that someone else doesn't have to help me... I feel like I don't want them to suffer just because I suffer.