[stolemyheart87]

One of my best friends since middle school up until now, all these years, she recently had a new baby boy. I have told her as well as others, that I have never liked kids, and I myself never want kids.

But this doesn't mean I want nothing to do with her or her baby boy. I wanted to see her when she had her baby bump, and touch her belly to feel the baby kick, or attend her baby shower, but I wasn't able to go to her baby shower due to it being a surprise, that she didn't even know of it. And she never came to see me in person during her pregnancy.

Now she's had the baby boy and its been 8 months, she had the boy in February of this year. And that kid will be hitting 1 year's old s00n and I honestly don't think I will ever get to see her or her kid ever. Last time I ever saw her was summer of 2015.

I am afraid I will never see her again by the looks of it. I wanted to see her in her pregnancy state with the belly and see her kid at least at 1 years old, to show her, I am there for her and her kid, and not against her or her kid.

I want to see them both but I don't think it will happen. I have told her to stop by but she always doesn't have money, (she doesn't work) or can't borrow money from her mom, since she lives at home, with her family.

So what to do, should I just give up and not bother asking her to hang out or see her ever again or keep trying or what? What would you do in this situation?

[Trippin2.0]

I would do whatever it takes to go and see her.

[~Christina]

You should find a way to go see her.

It's often easier for a friend to go see a pregnant or a mom as you would not have to deal with a diaper bag and all the stuff that goes with having a baby and going places.

Anyway that makes the most sense to me.

[stolemyheart87]

Every time I try to go and see her, she is never home haha. But I found out she is seeing other friends and family, even invited them to party's for her new boy but have I been invited, or met her kid, hell no ha. So whatever when she wants to see me, I will be waiting. Every time I ask her she never comes through so why bother trying anymore.

I would say (from what you have said) that she has moved on.

I would not wait for her.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by stolemyheart87

Every time I try to go and see her, she is never home haha. But I found out she is seeing other friends and family, even invited them to party's for her new boy but have I been invited, or met her kid, hell no ha. So whatever when she wants to see me, I will be waiting. Every time I ask her she never comes through so why bother trying anymore.

Now based on this information after your original post, I agree with Sophiesmom.

Your friend has moved on. Probably for a lot of reasons.

I had a couple friends that our relationship kinda fizzled once I had a baby, it happens.

I was no longer able to just pick up and go places. Having a baby changes your priorities, I know it did mine.

[stolemyheart87]

But thats the thing, I see her posts on social media, she is going out and about to dinners, having BDay party's for her kid, but she hasn't invited me to any, but invites her other friends or familys, and yet she calls me her best friend and sister and yet she never see's me.

In my experience having a baby can be a watershed moment in our lives, some friendships do drop away, other new ones can form often with other parents. Parenthood is pretty all consuming and does change your life.

That said if you feel it's right you can always try picking up with her again in the future, some friends we can dip in and out with over the years but pick up where we left off - only you can know if this is such a friendship.

[seesaw]

Can you send her a belated baby shower gift to show you have an interest in her baby and her new life as a mom? Maybe that could help re-kindle things. Or even just a card.

Seesaw

[Trippin2.0]

Well you did tell her you don't like kids...


Maybe she thinks you don't want to be included and in a twisted way is saving you and herself the torture.


Unless you said "I don't like kids but I'll make an exception for yours" I don't see how she's supposed to smell you're suddenly child friendly.

[yagr]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

Well you did tell her you don't like kids...

I was reading through the comments thinking....'When is someone going to say it?'

[stolemyheart87]

When it comes down to it, her and I talked about this, and she says she's busy with her life blah blah blah. But yet she can still see other people, even if they are family, or other friends, they still stop by and see her and I am still hurt by that. I told her I want to see her but she never said "sure stop bye" she went off saying other stuff.

[divine1966]

She doesn't want to see you. Whatever the reason is. Can't force people

[stolemyheart87]

Oh well then another friend I lost. I might as well just be alone. Maybe I will find a date or another friend but who knows.

Well it's hard to know what is going on in other people's minds. Did you directly invite her somewhere and did she decline more than once?

[stolemyheart87]

I asked her to come over to my house a few times, she always said she never had money or gas in the car. Then I invited her to one or two concerts to see HER favorite band and I got tickets and everything and she totally forgot about the show altogether.

Originally Posted by stolemyheart87

I asked her to come over to my house a few times, she always said she never had money or gas in the car. Then I invited her to one or two concerts to see HER favorite band and I got tickets and everything and she totally forgot about the show altogether.

Oh that's rough. It sounds like you've really tried.

I guess you do have the option of asking if there's anything wrong, have you done anything to offend her (from her perspective). She may not respond to that of course.

[A Red Panda]

So, you've invited her over and to a concert.

Did you ever suggest meeting somewhere closer to her place? Would you ever go to her?

Babies and children make going to really late events tough.

You might feel like you're reaching new out, but honestly they aren't very considerate for a new mom. Did you ever ask if you could come hang out with her and the baby at her house? I did that this past summer. A friend of mine had her first baby, and when I travelled to the city (from quite far away and for various reasons) I told her to just let me know what time worked for her on the day of we had picked, and I said I'd come to her. So I did.

[amandalouise]

one thing my non parent friends had to adjust to was that when a person has a baby their whole life changes. everything revolves around the baby, baby issues, play dates where parents get together with their children, parents get a baby sitter and go out to socialize together, even something as simple as going out shopping changes from going out shopping with friends to going out shopping with other parents, going to child friendly events...

as a parent or a pregnant person...when you have a friend that tells you something like...I dont like kids, I dont want to ever have any kids, I dont want to be around any kids that literally translates over to ok so I wont talk about my pregnancy with you, I wont bring by children around where they are not wanted, I only want my children to be around people who like children. not someone who doesnt like children. bottom line children are noisy, messy and can make someone who hates children uncomfortable and upset.

Im taking a guess here that your friend is just honoring what you told her. you dont like kids and her whole word revolves around her kid. from that moment on when you told her that your two lives took two different paths, hers parenthood and every aspect of her life is now parenthood issues and yours is remaining non parenthood\childless.

my suggestion if you would like her and her child in your life you are going to have to be the one to make contact and clarify what you want and you are willing to change your attitude of not liking children if you expect to have her child in your life. Im not saying you have to go out and get pregnant but she and her child will know if you say one thing and show another in this situation. you cant say yes I accept you and your child back in my life then get upset and yelling and such if the child someday spills something or writes on something they shouldnt or throws a temper tantrum in your home. by telling your friend you accept her and her child and want them back in your life you are accepting not only the good stuff but the bad side of having a child in your life.

[divine1966]

Going to concerts having a new baby isn't easy. It seems like asking people to go to concerts and then getting upset when they can't is a bit of an issue (asking bf to go to concerts in the middle of the week, wanting husband who'd go to concerts, wanting new mommy go to concerts etc . Could you find concert going group somewhere? It seems that others can't or don't want to go to concerts.

[stolemyheart87]

I will find a guy that loves concerts as much as I do. I had a guy who was just like me before and I will find another one.

As for this friend I am just going to leave her alone. I asked her why she doesn't want to see me, or why she doesn't like me anymore etc. But she just blows me off so whatever.

And again I have asked her to stop by her place and she always says my house is dirty, I can't, I am busy.

If I asked to help her clean up her house she will say no it is ok etc.