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#1
Oct 30, 2016, 03:41 AM
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I was journaling the other day and came to the sound conclusion on why I had unsuccessful relationships in the past. I hate touching another person physically. It's just something that doesn't come naturally to me. If I think about touching another, like reaching out to hold a guy's hand, my throat gets tight, my heart palpates, and I get very anxious. As a result of this building pressure inside of me, I just cop out and can't do it.
I've determined that if the guy were to initiate all the physical contact, and physical intimacy, then the relationship would be perfect, but of course, no healthy relationship is that one sided. Both sides have to initiate so that the other feels wanted and desired and attractive and all that. So, what am I to do? It's a huge trade-off, but would being perpetually single just to avoid this pressure to initiate physical interaction with the guy be a healthy option? Being single for the rest of my life actually seems kind of.....depressing to me in the long run now that I really think about it. It also seems like I'm just avoiding the issue. However, knowing that I would just let the poor guy down and make him feel that I'm not at all interested in him would just make me feel so guilty. Therefor, the singleness comes in. If I don't have to deal with such things, then no problems can arise. No problems, means no emotional struggles etc.... *sigh* This sounds like a job for my Anxiety and Phobia workbook....because now I am having relationship anxiety over my physical interaction anxiety.
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 MY BLOG IS NOW CONVENIENTLY LOCATED HERE!! [UPDATED: 4/30/2017] LIFE IS TOO SHORT, TOO VALUABLE AND TOO PRECIOUS A THING TO WASTE!! |
 Anonymous59125, Yours_Truly
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#3
Oct 30, 2016, 11:09 AM
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Why not date someone who's love language is not touch?
Couple that with effective communication and I don't see why this is an "I should never date" level problem... My mother is not touchy feely, never was. My dad accepted that about her from day one... When relationships work, they just work, issues such as yours are not insurmountable. So please don't lose hope.
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 DXD BP1, BPD & OCPD  "The best way to make it through with hearts and wrists in tact, is to realise, two out of three aint bad" FOB...
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 Crazy Hitch
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#4
Oct 30, 2016, 11:14 AM
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I don't know how to look for people with different "love languages". Besides, I love receiving touch, just not initiating it.
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MY BLOG IS NOW CONVENIENTLY LOCATED HERE!! [UPDATED: 4/30/2017] LIFE IS TOO SHORT, TOO VALUABLE AND TOO PRECIOUS A THING TO WASTE!! |
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#5
Oct 30, 2016, 11:54 AM
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I don't think it's a doozy at all but I don't think it's a big issue. If you are not currently seeing anyone then it is not a big concern. If you start dating you might let the person know you have trouble initiating physical contact. They could be ok with it. I think you worry very prematurely.
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#6
Oct 30, 2016, 12:00 PM
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Quote:
Well then this simplifies your issue. Communicate your difficulty effectively and it should no longer be a difficulty at all. Communication is key and in time, who knows, maybe you'll get more comfortable with initiating, that's what's happened to me at least. 
__________________
DXD BP1, BPD & OCPD "The best way to make it through with hearts and wrists in tact, is to realise, two out of three aint bad" FOB...
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#7
Oct 30, 2016, 06:41 PM
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My youngest son has aspergers and many people with this condition do not wish to be touched but find ways to manage and have relationships which would be considered healthy "for them" You could find a guy who has the same issues you do....you might age and grow and find you enjoy intimacy more as time goes on. It doesn't have to be all or nothing....nobody deserves to put that kind of pressure on themselves IMO.
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| Crazy Hitch, LucyG
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#8
Oct 30, 2016, 08:17 PM
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Artchic, if I recall correctly, you haven't been in that many relationships. I think you may find as you date more and engage in more relationships, that you become more comfortable with initiating touch. I was much the same way. I was brought up in a household where my parents never showed affection physically towards each other or to me and my brothers. It's kind of weird to me as an adult now when my dad wants a hug and a kiss goodbye, because we never did that before, and I feel really awkward doing it.
I had to acknowledge that I didn't know much about physical affection when I started having relationships. It was difficult but I learned to read body language and cues and I also learned just when to speak my mind, like telling a man, I want you to kiss me now. In fact, apparently that's a big turn on. Yay me. I think if you know it's something you are uncomfortable with, you can find ways to deal with that. The other thing is, maybe you're just not an initiator. Just communicate that and what you want from your partner, and you really should be fine. Good luck, Seesaw
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 What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
| Crazy Hitch
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#9
Oct 30, 2016, 09:58 PM
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over thinking
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| Crazy Hitch, Trippin2.0
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