[rmm5497]

Adjusting now to having moved out and it's strange, I feel so good...I don't have to come home from work and worry about what is going to make my husband angry or just deal with all the negative emotion that I didn't really realize I just carried around with me just from knowing that I was in a relationship that didn;t make me happy. It's like when I see him or speak to him now it's from a slowly changing perspective. I moved out and I'm living and naturally, I get upset and I get frustrated at times and I i've cried but he is CONSTANTLY angry, I can tell when we talk or when I see him that he teetering on the brink of a tantrum, he tries to needle me so that I will fall back into the old routine of losing my patience with it, pushing one of his buttons and then when he explodes being there for him to blame it on because I pushed him. He called and asked me to pick up some money yesterday after I told him that I would prefer if he would just deposit in the account so we didn;t have to see each other and he caused a scene in front of my house, he was definitely reining in the anger and I was surprisingly calm (surprising even to myself) I told him that any concerns he had could be directed to my lawyer, that that was appropriate at this point because I did not want to argue with him and he proceeded to follow me out of the house and hold my car door open and not let me leave "until he was finished." I feel badly, I really do. He has alienated everyone in his life with his out of control temper and unreasonableness and on top of that he is one of the most dependant people that I know, he has completely leaned on me and his parents to take care of things for him....everything was in my name, he only works part time, he really is a lost soul at this point and he feels doubly betrayed because I've fallen in love with someone else. I wish it weren't like this, I wish that I could help him, but I can't...the problem is that everyone has helped him too much his whole life, everyone has enaabled his behavior and there have never been any consquences for any of his actions. He has spit at my face, called me a ****, pushed me, broken furntiture, held me down so that he could get a point across or held doors shut so that I could not go where I wanted to...he has physically attacked his father and called his mother by the same endearments that I mentioned above with respect to myself and EVERYONE has tolerated it, everyone has said "Ya know if you do this one more time...." and then done nothing...I recently found out that his parents financed his new car and that he's not even paying them for the loan like he agreed to!! It's sad it really is AND I AM SO GLAD TO BE PUTTING IT BEHIND ME!!! I hope that he gets the help that he needs, I really do, for the sake of our son if nothing else.

[heidu]

You sound good and sure of your decision. What a relief for you. Stay strong!!
I know it's gotta be tough cause you want to help him but he really can only help himself. They say people like that have to hit rock bottom before they can find there way up. Maybe he just has to hit his. It's hard to watch people suffer while they get there but it's the only real way to help.
I am so glad you didn't lose control when he flipped on you. I have a brother who is extremely controling. We met one nite for dinner so I could tell him I was moving to Norway. Before I told him he was telling me his angle on the key to munipulating people. It freaked me out. He has it down to a science. We hadn't gotten along very well in our adult lives and we fought alot. He pushed my buttons and got me worked up or told me I didn't know what I was talking about. Any way he could to degrade me. We didn't talk for a couple years but a situation had him living at my house for a year and we got along pretty good. I enjoyed the time getting to know him and realized we had alot of common interests and common beliefs. Then when I told him I wa moving he started in about me about getting married again, what was I thinking etc. I didn't fold and didn't get irritated. Then he pulled out the big guns and said that time living with me was hell and there were so many things he wanted to say but didn't and that I was an idiot. HI still didn't take his bait. Then went after me bringing up the past issue that stopped us talking for years and I finally said, "I just wanted to have dinner with you and I don't understand why you are doing this." I walked away. I went to say bye when I came to Norway for the summer. He went after me again. I walked away. didn't say a word, just walked away. I saw him 4 months later when I got back form Norway and stopped in to say hi. He told me what a worthless human being I was. I walked away again. He never came to the family gathering to wish me well the weekend before I moved. I saw him this last spring at a family thing but it was fine. His girlfriend was there and the family so he couldn't say anything. I didn't actually talk to him.
I finally realized that the reason he treats me the way he does is a way for him to control me. The things he says aren't true. Then I realized I really don't like him either. Of course I will always care about him because he is my brother but he is not my friend and the only thing that holds us is blood. I don't miss him because there is nothing good to miss. I wish him the best in life. I feel sorry for him. I hope he can find a way to heal. The thing is, he isn't someone I need in my life and I am not responsible for him or his actions towards me. I know it killed him when I walked away but he also learned that his ******** doesn't affect me. He stopped.
Now I should...getting long!!
Wishing you the best in your new calmer life. You deserve it!!
Heidu