[MusicMan2016]

Hi Everyone,

I had a few questions regarding my ex girlfriend who I loved very much. She dealt with quite a few internal issues and I have a feeling they played a part in our breakup. She broke up with me almost right at a month ago. She's 23 and I'm 26.
We dated for about 5 months and had conversations about getting married in the next year or so. Below is a rundown of things she told me during our time dating.

Keep in mind her parents have been divorced since she was 9 (although they are still heavily involved in her life) and she is an only child. After our 3rd or 4th date, she mentioned that she has Alopecia Universalis and that all of her hair fell out when she was a little girl and she can't grow hair anymore. She wears a wig. I assured her that I was completely fine with this. In fact, I fell for her more after telling me this.

She then starting mentioning through text messages that she blacked out on a few occasions, mentioning hallucinations and that she was basically delusional. She couldn't remember how she got on the bathroom floor and on the living room floor of her apartment. She also suffered from sever migraines. I assumed she was filling her parents in on all of this.

A few months into the relationship, she mentioned to me in person that she had a problem with herself. I asked her if it was psychological and she said, yes. I then asked if it was depression and she said it was. She started crying and said that she was worried it was coming back. She was diagnosed while in college and since being on antidepressants hadn't been having many issues. She was worried it was coming back, though. I told her I felt so bad for her and that I was going to be there for her (although I didn't really understand what that entailed). I also said I understood I wasn't going to be able to "fix" anything.

We continued to date and things continued to get better and better between us. I, at least, thought we were getting a lot closer as a couple. We started saying I love you. She would say "You are my best friend." "You're my soulmate." "I can't imagine life without you." We also started to have conversations about marriage. She introduced me to her mom and her mom really liked me. I introduced her to my parents and they loved her and she really liked me parents. Everything went great until the week before she broke up with me.

We had two dates on a Monday and Tuesday night, two weeks before she had to go to a conference in Nashville. She wanted to see me those nights so she could get her "Jeremy Fix." Both nights were great and we really hit it off well, as usual. She bought the card game "Never Have I Ever" for Tuesday night and we played that. During the game, she made a strange comment that she had a moment recently where she woke up and was naked in her office. She acted like she had no idea how she got there and said it's a good thing no one could see through the blinds. It sounded like this could have been a dissociating episode.

Fast forward a few weeks later, she flew to Nashville for her conference. I tried to get in touch with her a few days later to see if she had made it, but heard no response. Keep in mind, we had been at least texting everyday since we met. She finally got back to me, and came across as a completely different person. Treating me almost as if I were a stranger. We had plans to meet my sister for dinner that following Saturday night. On Thursday, she told me she was flying in that night and wanted to see me the following night. She also agreed to stick to our plans for Saturday night. I thought everything was good between us. We agreed to meet at a wine bar around 7 the following night.

I got to the wine bar the next night and she was already inside with a glass of wine. I noticed she was dressed very different, had a new wig on, and was slouched over with a very different posture than I had seen with her. I hugged her, kissed her, and sat down. I noticed she had already gotten me a glass of red wine. She asked me how my family was. She then leaned in and acted like she was about to ask me if I wanted to go somewhere after we had our wine, but then she got a serious look in her face, moved back, and said I know you like red wine, but there's another reason I got it for you. You're going to need it....

She said she thinks it could be the age difference (She's 23, I'm 26) and the fact that she's only been in one meaningful relationship in her whole life. Her delivery was so different than the girl I've known. Gender neutral, cold, calculated, emotionless. She was wearing a pretty thick coat, new wavy wig. This was in Texas and the weather was in the 80s. I asked her if it was another guy and she said no it had nothing to do with guys. I then got a little emotional and she reared her head back and had the weirdest look of confusion on her face. We then decided to leave. I was still so confused, but she said nothing. As we walked into the parking lot I just said "Good Luck" and she said casually "You too." I swear it seemed like she didn't know what she was doing. Like a robot.

Within an hour, her mom had contacted me and apologized for what had happened. She said she was shocked by the news, too, because just a few days ago she had been talking about making plans to spend her life with me. Within the next 10 days or so, her mom was in contact with me trying to help me understand what happened. She made it clear that she was dealing with mental problems. She said when she pushes people away, the best thing to do when you're on the receiving end is to give her a wide berth and let her circle back to you after she gets out of her head. She seemed aware that she has issues, but also seemed surprised by the things I told her that her daughter mentioned to me during the time we've dated. She seemed very concerned and apologetic for our relationship.

Within a few days after the break up, I tried reaching out to her for answers and to let her know I just want her to be happy and I love her. I'm always here as a friend. Her texts were very different than she's been in the past. She is a bit of a "grammar Nazi" and she lacked proper grammar in most of her texts from that point on. They were also very direct and to the point. It sounded like I was talking to a parent or a guy. She said it's not that she didn't have feelings for me, whatsoever. She just said she's trying to understand her feelings.

A few weeks later, I noticed her activity on Facebook was very different than I've ever seen. She started posting jokes as facebook statuses that were very dark and scientific. She was way more active on facebook than usual. She also posted a strange post that said, "I'd quit calling your asexual relationships "platonic". It does not mean what you think it means." It seemed as if she was speaking to herself on facebook. Very strange comment to make. She deleted it within a few minutes. Keep in mind, she said she was a virgin and wanted to wait until marriage when we dated.

That was the last time she's posted anything. A few days ago, I noticed a guy coworker of hers posted pictures of the two of them at a Reneissance Festival and at a Haunted House for Halloween (she had bought tickets for the two of us to go to the Haunted House and I had already bought my costume before she broke up with me). She was again dressed in a thick coat, new wig, and had a crown of flowers on her head. She looked very different. I don't think there's anything going on between them. I honestly think they're just friends, but I find all of her behavior to really be pointing towards an identity disorder. A few more things I wanted to mention are below. These are all keywords of things she's told me directly about herself and things she's dealt with. Do you think this could be a protective alter coming out? Thanks so much for reading all of this! I would really appreciate any insight into what may be going on with her.......

Hallucinations, blackouts, delusional, migraines, Alopecia Universalis, Depression, Fascinated by horror/gore/demonic possession, obsessed with Frasier (so am I, but more for the humor), has asthma/allergies, allergic to shellfish and tree nuts, talks to herself, has conversations with herself, speaks in different voices when alone, mentioned multiple personalities casually, says she can be thoughtless at times, says she's too good to be true and she doesn't deserve me, says she does stupid things a lot, only wants to text, if she doesn't get adequate sleep she can get into zombie like state, drinks a lot of caffeine, says she has a lot of addictions, parents divorced/only child, mentioned she hardly ever thinks about sex, says she's a virgin and wants to wait until marriage, alludes to the fact that she may be asexual on facebook, mentioned she's obsessed with 50 shades of grey and has a rape/tied up fantasy, mentioned she found herself naked in her office and didn't know how that happened, said things to me like "You save me" "You're my best friend" "You're my soul mate" "I can't imagine life without you." Wanted to have a quick wedding/honeymoon, pushed me away and broke up with me out of the blue, dressed/talked/acted like a calculated/emotionless/gender neutral person, came across as a big brother, texted differently with me, using social media differently, mom strangely reached out to me after breakup, has adults in her life that seem to serve as caretaker or support system from afar for her both on social media and in everyday life, mentioned "Whenever I'm about to do something scary/controversial/risky/potentially dumb, I think well, once it's over Jeremy will still love me. That helps a lot." I found this comment to be strange. Mentioned she was scared and overwhelmed. Everyone thinks she has it all together, but she doesn't. She's afraid she won't be able to handle what's coming up. Says she has helicopter parents on her 24/7. Has other pictures on facebook where she looks and is dressed like a completely different person. Has home intrusion dreams, paranoid about people breaking into her apartment, anxious, heard neighbors "having sex" five nights in a row in the apartment next to hers, spends a lot of time alone and watching shows on her computer, says she often sits in a corner in the dark, says when she sees herself in the mirror without her wig on she feels like she looks like a different species. Again, thank you for reading. Any input would be greatly appreciated.....

[Skeezyks]

Hello MusicMan2016: Well... I read your post. But honestly I don't know what to tell you. We here on PC are not in a position to diagnose people. From what you wrote, it sounds as though perhaps your friend is struggling with some sort of multiple personality disorder. But I obviously don't really have any idea.

In order for your friend to figure out what's going on, & what can be done about it, she needs to see a mental health professional... perhaps a psychiatrist as well as a mental health therapist (assuming she's not already doing so. Perhaps she is & you just weren't aware of it?) Assuming she's not, though, she needs to make the decision to do what is necessary to heal. Others cannot make that decision for her. Given what you wrote, it may be best for you to simply move on if you can.

I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. There are many knowledgeable & caring members here. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!

Encourage your girlfriend to get professional help if she will listen. It's the kindest thing you could do. (((Hugs)))

[amandalouise]

um a few things from your post jumps out at me but they all boil down to much of what you posted actually rules ...out.... a diagnosis of DID based on the new and presently used diagnostics... something else that jumps out at me is that your friend has been very clearly putting distance between the two of you. which tells me its time to give her space and maybe not be in contact with her at your pace but rather you wait for her to contact you. take things at her pace rather than worrying about trying to fix her, or trying to diagnose her or what ever it is that you are asking us. (your post has so many things in it Im not sure what you are looking for)

another suggestion is if you have a treatment provider of your own maybe you can talk with your own treatment providers to help you deal with all this confusion in your life as a result of being friends with a mentally disordered person. if she really does have these things and you are already having all these problems dealing with it its probably a good thing the relationship is cooling down for a bit. it will give you both a chance to work with your treatment providers.

[Moogieotter]

Sorry you are struggling.

She's your ex, move on.