[Nahaira87]

I feel like my husband is uncomfortable with true intimacy. I love that we always joke around and laugh together. However, once In a while I would like to go sit at a park bench together, or listen to music and gaze into each others eyes. Today when we were laying down I asked him to look in my eyes, His response was that I was forcing him into something that should come naturally. It hurts my feelings that he would use the word force just Bc it's something that doesn't come natural to him...well there's a lot of things that don't come natural to me as his wife, but I do them Bc I know it's important to my husband and I genuinely enjoy making him happy, even if it's at the expense of my comfort level. How do I encourage my husband to engage with me more intimately and not find my ideas cheesy or dumb?

[Skeezyks]

Hello Nahaira87: Hm-m-m-m... I don't know about this. (By the way, I should confess that I am an old man. So perhaps I'm not the best member here to be replying to this post.) But my inclination is to say this is just the way most men are. They tend to be uncomfortable with the kind of intimacy you're talking about.

From what you wrote, you tried the direct approach & that apparently fell flat. You may simply have to accept that your man is who he is & not try to come up with ways to change him. Beyond that perhaps just try to find opportunities to "model" (demonstrate) the kinds of behaviors / activities you'd like to see from your husband. Don't announce that you're doing it & don't try to create opportunities for it to happen. Just do it spontaneously as the opportunity arises. Over time, your hubby may begin to get the idea.

Originally Posted by Skeezyks

Don't announce that you're doing it & don't try to create opportunities for it to happen. Just do it spontaneously as the opportunity arises.

Full point for 'old man' the Skeezyks. Maybe your husband feels that if the intimacy has to be requested, it's contrived, or 'forced', as he put it. If you want to look him in his eyes then straddle his lap and look into his eyes. You're his wife; if that's what you want from him, you shouldn't have to ask his permission, or 'force' him to look back at you. If he's not comfortable with that intimacy, that's a different issue.

[seesaw]

Lefty! Straddle him and look into his eyes! Love it.

So, with all due disclosure, I have never been married. I have had long-term relationships though. However, I don't think I have to be married to be able to give relationship advice--because this is about fulfilling each other's needs, and that happens in all kinds of relationships, not just romantic ones.

So, anyways, he's uncomfortable being intimate in that way. In what ways is he comfortable being intimate? Can you make plans for those so that he can give you intimacy in the way he is comfortable?

I will admit that when former partners have wanted things of me that I was not comfortable with, I put my foot down. I don't think anyone should be forced or asked to do something that makes them uncomfortable. That said, I also think that he should recognize that some romantic intimacy is important to you and find a way to fulfill that need that doesn't make him feel uncomfortable.

So maybe you can think of things he has done successfully that made you feel fulfilled in this way and try and do those types of things more?

good luck,
seesaw

[Crazy Hitch]

Okay so maybe the whole eye contact thing just isn't his style ... you know, the kind you see in the movies with the candles on dim and well ... just yeah ...

Can you take it back to the good old days when you two first started dating? Did you guys go out for dinner? What sorts of things did you do? Does he make eye contact with you when you're having a normal conversation?