[DwNouT]

Im really hating myself now for a bunch of things but right now its because I couldn't bring myself to talk to this girl who always stares at me I am seriously attracted to her. Is she waiting for me to talk to her? I have a crush. She would stare at me every time I drive away and back to my house or just when I'm outside. Today I saw her with some new guys who might be her boyfriend. I also noticed she didn't at me as much or at all today Yes I am the same person crying about my crush in a previous post. So many years has gone by so many missed opportunity. I am in my late 20s this is really sad. I cant change this part of me I know because I have tried numerous times to push myself to ask someone out or simply just say hi all has failed. Im really stuck all I can do is fantasize and look back with a smile. I know I am going to die soon yet I am just alone. Don't know who I can talk to, where to go or what to do. Depression, anxiety has taken its toll on me over the years. My last breathe is coming.

Why cant she just come up to me and ask? Please help :'(

[DwNouT]

Constantly refreshing page to see if I get any replies.

[Raindropvampire]

It's possible she's as shy as you are. It's possible she thinks since you don't say anything you aren't interested. It's possible she's just friendly and not really interested. The possibilities are endless as to why she doesn't. The biggest problem is you won't know if you don't ask.

IF you can't say hi can you wave at her the next time she looks at you? Just a little one to let her know you see her too. Would that be possible for you?

[Talthybius]

Why can't you talk to her? What are you afraid of? Can you talk to a girl you don't know at all? Can't you put yourself into a position where you are rejected? Are you afraid you will do the wrong thing?

Nothing will happen if you don't talk to her.

Next you start to talk about depression and death. Maybe that is the true problem. Talking to a woman you like or a stranger is completely different from contemplating your death at age 20-something.

[Torgath]

Dude, I've been here, and here's the thing: nothing will ever go anywhere with anyone if you don't say anything. Sure, there's some ways to go about flirting, but if she's eyeing you and you don't say anything or try to ignore her because you're nervous, that's just making it look like you're not interested either. You've just got to go up and do it. The worst thing that could happen is that she says no, but at least then you know her feelings, right? And you aren't going to know if that other guy is her boyfriend unless you ask. You don't have to be super cool or over the top. Just catching her eye, nodding, and then walking over and paying her a compliment and then asking for her number is fine. And if you do get talking, do some research into "push-pull" so you can really impress her. Otherwise, you're just going to keep on doing what it sounds like you've been doing for years. Thinking about what could have been, and all that is doing is adding to your anxiety and depression. I know it sucks man, and I know we all wish that there was some magic way of getting the girl to kiss you first like in all the movies, but unless you just did something that's heroic or cool, it's not going to happen. And even then, she'd most likely be to shocked to say something. Just take the plunge. You can't soar with a hang glider if you don't first take the plunge.

You've got this (:

[DwNouT]

Originally Posted by Talthybius

Why can't you talk to her? What are you afraid of? Can you talk to a girl you don't know at all? Can't you put yourself into a position where you are rejected? Are you afraid you will do the wrong thing?

Nothing will happen if you don't talk to her.

Next you start to talk about depression and death. Maybe that is the true problem. Talking to a woman you like or a stranger is completely different from contemplating your death at age 20-something.

Im scared that she might not like me. I will freeze up and look like a creep. I can but I'm not good at talking to them I find myself trying to end a conversation fast. My mind starts thinking negative when I see that they are not interested. They also would have to initiate first. I dont handle rejection very well due to bad experiences. Yes very afraid because if I make one unintentional mistake they will leave and not be interested.

[Bill3]

Have you seen any therapists to help you overcome the obstacles that prevent you from speaking?

[DwNouT]

Originally Posted by Bill3

Have you seen any therapists to help you overcome the obstacles that prevent you from speaking?

I have been seeing a counselor but again I find myself hard to open up I did however told her I might need help im relationships. Got caught up in talking about other things and I cant go further just yet with this one because my counselor wont be back until next year of January. I choose to wait for her return and not get a new counselor.

[DwNouT]

Originally Posted by DwNouT

I have been seeing a counselor but again I find myself hard to open up I did however told her I might need help im relationships. Got caught up in talking about other things and I cant go further just yet with this one because my counselor wont be back until next year of January. I choose to wait for her return and not get a new counselor.

You wanna know what else is sad... On my first day with my counselor I wanted to hug her since but held onto it for over 7 months lol. Keep telling myself I will ask for a hug on next visit never did. Simple friendly hug because I know shes married.

[Crazy Hitch]

Originally Posted by DwNouT

You wanna know what else is sad... On my first day with my counselor I wanted to hug her since but held onto it for over 7 months lol. Keep telling myself I will ask for a hug on next visit never did. Simple friendly hug because I know shes married.

Some therapist might not mind the hug. Some might see it as a cross over of professional boundaries. Dunno. You know your therapist best.

[DwNouT]

So this girl I like looks like I can safely say she is taken I was driving home and saw her she saw me as we made eye contact as I she was with a guy they were standing pretty close they were getting something to eat and walked home together afterwards. I'm not the type to interfere with relationships let alone date a girl who has a boyfriend because I think they are taken for a reason. That being said I pretty much loss nothing I can do about it. Anyways thought I give you guys an update and I'm also lonely.

[Talthybius]

So what happened? You waited for 1.5 months, saw her talk to someone who is probably her boyfriend, and then you finally had a rational reason not to take any initiative, which you weren't doing already anyway?

Definately work with your counselor. Social Anxiety will hold you back and keep you from seeing your true happiness potential. We need human contact and having fears of it will do you no good in the long run. A little fear is healthy and helpful but you have a failure to launch when it comes to a very important part of the human experience and deserve to get the help you need to begin living the full spectrum life you deserve. (((Hugs)))

I worked in some social anxiety workbooks years ago and found them very helpful. Perhaps your local library has something which could be useful to you. (((Hugs))). Maybe you need a wingman to help you break from your shell? Do you have any friends like that?

[DwNouT]

Originally Posted by ElsaMars

Definately work with your counselor. Social Anxiety will hold you back and keep you from seeing your true happiness potential. We need human contact and having fears of it will do you no good in the long run. A little fear is healthy and helpful but you have a failure to launch when it comes to a very important part of the human experience and deserve to get the help you need to begin living the full spectrum life you deserve. (((Hugs)))

I worked in some social anxiety workbooks years ago and found them very helpful. Perhaps your local library has something which could be useful to you. (((Hugs))). Maybe you need a wingman to help you break from your shell? Do you have any friends like that?

I don't have any friends just people who like to use me whenever something needs to be done. That so called friend isn't much of a wingman he doesn't seem to care and just see me as incapable.

Perhaps you could work on making some more friends once you start tackling the social anxiety. What do you think?

[Erebos]

I am kinda with Elsa on this one, maybe if you had some or even a genuine friendship first, then you'd have that extra support for the girl issue.

You know we don't all come with the coding for social etiquette. For some of us it's as difficult to learn as a new language. Couple that with crippling social anxiety and it seems so much safer to just let things slide by than risk a humiliation that will give you nightmares for weeks, maybe months. Don't feel it's just you.

You can just start really small you know, you don't need to rush to tell someone you like them. If your passing someone regularly and they frequently catch your eye and hold contact, one day just say 'hey' and keep walking. After a couple of weeks of that try a simple nod and ' how you doin?' Just go slow. Until you work up to introducing yourself.

I can definately say from a personal perspective that no matter how much eye contact a person initiates with me if they don't speak to me I would never dare believe they are interested. So I do know where your coming from. But for now I would think in terms of finding a proper friend or two.

I really hope that you manage to broach this subject with your counsellor, maybe write it down and take it with you so you remember to bring it up at your next session.

All the best. And good luck.

[MickeyCheeky]

I can really relate to this.. I'm sorry I feel you and you have my support.