[stolemyheart87]

The one guy I had dated for 1 month, goes and messages me last night, saying "Hey", I didn't notice the message until today, and replied, and him and I talked a bit, sharing how each of us was doing, and I told him I was still talking to guys and dating on and off, but being screwed over by guys too basically getting hurt.

HIM: "I'm sorry. I didn't want to screw you over. You actually are a really sweet girl. And very cute."

HIM: "If you want to get out and see a movie or something, I'd still like to be your friend. Just let me know."

ME: "Why be friends, there's no point in that."

HIM: "Well, I'd love to do more, but I think I am missing something important. There's something about you that keeps me interested, but I feel like I need to make a change in my life before it can work."

ME: "What do you mean?"

HIM: "Once I get my situation and little more stable, then I won't have so much self doubt."

ME: "I don't get it. Your life is already set what more do you need or need to do to change it, I don't get it."

HIM: "I'm OK, but living paycheck to paycheck. I'm pretty close to changing that. But I still doubt everything. I have only myself to depend on. If I make a mistake, it really hurts. So I feel like I need to be extra cautious."

ME: "Well the doubtfulness needs to be changed and only you can change it. You and I can try dating again, and just date, like we did, I didn't see anything wrong when we dated and thought all was well."

HIM: "It was actually pretty good. But I have doubts about my life. I'm working on it, but like you say, only if can change it."

ME: "Then why can't you change while we date? Why does everything need to be set in stone, then go forth. Everything should have been that way, before you got onto the dating websites etc."

HIM: "I don't know. I'm very conflicted. Date me. I'll put the full effort into it."

So what does he mean exactly? I am so confused here.

[Artchic528]

He basically had something going, it didn't work out, and he is going back to you. Basically, your just an second option to him, and not his first choice. I would tread carefully with him if I were you, or possibly just cut him out of your life. Who needs to give such guys the time of day anyways?

[stolemyheart87]

Well it doesn't hurt to take things slow and see what happens this time. I am not going to focus on this guy just go with the flow, and see what happens with whoever comes my way.

[divine1966]

The guy pretty much offers friendship. He either is already dating or is lonely and wants to get out. You can't force people. I wouldn't like this conversation. Seems off to me.

[Moogieotter]

I say give him a chance. On one hand you cannot find a date or someone who likes your looks and wants to spend time with you, but here is someone who does like you at least a little. Romance is risky - if you are suspicious about every prospect that comes along, it might be time to start thinking up names for all of the cats you are going to adopt.

As frustrating as finding love can be at times, getting cynical or jaded about it will pretty much wipe out any chance of succeeding at last love.

I'd give him a shot - not much else going on and it might blossom into something special.

We're here to support you!

Good luck,

moogs

[avlady]

i would tell you to be leary of this person, always be on your guard until you feel safe enough with him. conversation is always fun for me. then you can get to know him better and see what you have to expect.

[TishaBuv]

I'm confused by this conversation, too, and I am really good at reading between the lines. I am also confused by the different perceptions by the others' opinions about the convo.

My impression was that he was talking about not being financially stable and wanting to be before committing to a serious relationship.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

I'm confused by this conversation, too, and I am really good at reading between the lines. I am also confused by the different perceptions by the others' opinions about the convo.

My impression was that he was talking about not being financially stable and wanting to be before committing to a serious relationship.

It could be. But what's up with him seeing op for a month and then stopping? Then coming back suggesting friendship? Perhaps his other dating prospects failed and he thinks oh might as well go see this one because she is up to anything. Under no circumstances would I even consider dating him.

[TishaBuv]

Originally Posted by divine1966

It could be. But what's up with him seeing op for a month and then stopping? Then coming back suggesting friendship? Perhaps his other dating prospects failed and he thinks oh might as well go see this one because she is up to anything. Under no circumstances would I even consider dating him.

That's true, too. Heck, if I liked the guy, I would go out with him again. I'm not that proud. What does she have to lose?

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

That's true, too. Heck, if I liked the guy, I would go out with him again. I'm not that proud. What does she have to lose?

Sure. When I was young I'd probably go too. I wasn't very selective in my younger years either. As I got older that changed. No way I'd go on a date with someone after this conversation. I honestly think it's better to do other things than going on dates with someone not THAT interested. I'd rather get busy with something else. Just my two cents

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm not sure... but I'd be careful about it, tbh :/

[stolemyheart87]

His life was when we were dating before was stable and is stable now as far as driving he bought a new car, he has his own house, and a job too. So thats fine in that aspect, I think he wants to get his self confidence and esteem up and that type of stuff he was referring too.

[scorpiosis37]

Honestly, it sounds like he just isn't that interested. If he were, he would have continued dating you and he would not have said "let's just be friends." It sounds like he is making excuses in order to let you down easily and get you to be okay with "just friends."

[stolemyheart87]

Well him and I talked everything over and he says when we were dating he didn't have his life in the right place, but now he is more than ready to date again and wants us to try dating again. So we are going to do that and just see what happens and take things slowly.

[divine1966]

Perhaps when talking about stability he was hinting that you might need to become more stable? Not him?

[Moogieotter]

Originally Posted by stolemyheart87

Well him and I talked everything over and he says when we were dating he didn't have his life in the right place, but now he is more than ready to date again and wants us to try dating again. So we are going to do that and just see what happens and take things slowly.

Awesome. I like him.

[stolemyheart87]

Well him and I are still talking, but due to the weather conditions this past weekend, we weren't able to have our date. So this week or weekend we should be able to have our date then.

It does hurt my feelings though, that he isn't being very talkative, like I've said in other posts, I have had guys who did like me, and wanted to date me, want to talk to me, talking to me throughout each day or night time, we would be talking a lot.

But this guy hardly talks. He says he likes me and wants to date me but he himself has low self esteem, and low confidence in himself and this that and I guess due to those things, he doesn't want to be very talkative or know what to say really.

[Moogieotter]

Hey stole,

Good Luck on your date. I think you can get him out of his shell - it's going to take a little patience and warmth, but you've got it covered. We're here for you!

moogs

[divine1966]

Hope you have your date soon and then see if it works out in person

[~Christina]

This fellow could easily be busy with work and needs to just decompress once home.

My dating years decades ago pre cell phones and social media mind you . I was not a person that got off work and wanted to spend loads of time on the phone with anyone.

I spent all day talking to people . Didn't mean I wasnt interested , just meant work drained me and days off I was much more talkative.

I agree with Moogies response.

Good luck

[Artchic528]

Originally Posted by stolemyheart87

Well him and I are still talking, but due to the weather conditions this past weekend, we weren't able to have our date. So this week or weekend we should be able to have our date then.

It does hurt my feelings though, that he isn't being very talkative, like I've said in other posts, I have had guys who did like me, and wanted to date me, want to talk to me, talking to me throughout each day or night time, we would be talking a lot.

But this guy hardly talks. He says he likes me and wants to date me but he himself has low self esteem, and low confidence in himself and this that and I guess due to those things, he doesn't want to be very talkative or know what to say really.

Why don't you talk to him about this lack of communication? They key to any successful relationship is honest and open communication.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Artchic528

Why don't you talk to him about this lack of communication? They key to any successful relationship is honest and open communication.

In my understanding they haven't met. I wouldn't start such conversations before meeting. Too much invested too early on. It's too early to tell if there is anything there

[stolemyheart87]

Actually you are wrong, this guy and I have met before, and we have also dated before. Him and I dated for 1 month back in the summer/early fall time. Then we stopped dating, now that some time has past, this guy messaged me recently, and wants us to date again. So him and I will be going on our first date again, real soon.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by stolemyheart87

Actually you are wrong, this guy and I have met before, and we have also dated before. Him and I dated for 1 month back in the summer/early fall time. Then we stopped dating, now that some time has past, this guy messaged me recently, and wants us to date again. So him and I will be going on our first date again, real soon.

Oh thanks for clarifying. My bad. I thought that was a new guy

[stolemyheart87]

No, this guy and I have dated before. This is the chat we had during Thanksgiving of this year, about us setting up our first date.

On November 25th

HIM: "So. Tomorrow or Sunday?"

ME: "I don't know. I heard it was going to rain this weekend. lol"

HIM" OK. We can stay in. I know you are very cautious, but I would enjoy watching a movie at your home with you. But we can wait for that."

ME: "Yeah let's hold off on that for another time. We could try doing Sunday's Christmas event out in Hollywood, but again with the rain, who knows how it will go down or if it will still happen. My phone says it will rain sometime this weekend unless it's lying lol."

HIM: "Google says rain."

ME: "What do you think? Are you able to drive in the rain or you rather not take a chance, plus it is also still black friday/thanksgiving time so crowds may be packed. what do you think we should do?"

HIM: "I'll drive in the rain, but I don't want to be outside in the rain."

ME: "Okay lol."

On November 27th - DATE DAY

ME: "So did you still want to go out today or want to hold off until this week/weekend?" Referring to the week of December 1st

HIM: "Next week is better. It's raining a lot here."

ME: "Okay."

So DATE 1 did not happen due to the weather.

BUT the week of December 1st and its weekend came and went and DATE 1 make up never happened.

Last time I spoke to him was Friday December 2nd around 11AM since then no word about trying again as far as doing another make up date for DATE 1 or talking to me in general.

This guy says he does like me, and does want us to date again, but then again look what's happening. I am unsure on what to think or what to do. What should I do?