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#1
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I'm sure we've all experienced it....
I have a friend who I would drop everything for the minute she had any kind of problem. Now, when things are particularly bad for me (past 2 weeks or so), I don't get the same consideration. At all. In fact it's been remarked (indirectly) that I am too much trouble. I hate this. I truly hate it. Because I have self-esteem problems as it is, and then to be considered too much trouble for someone it's very devastating to me. The wording that someone else would just brush off, I have to believe. It's so brutally unfair. Why do I even THINK I might be valued enough to get treated with the same respect and consideration? I'm so stupid. |
![]() Anonymous37908, Anonymous37914, Anonymous45023, Anonymous57777, Anonymous59898, Bill3, hvert, justafriend306, LadyShadow, MickeyCheeky, Skeezyks, xenko, xRavenx
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![]() xenko, xRavenx
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#2
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You're not stupid, you just have a crappy friend who doesn't deserve your support. I've been there, too.
__________________
"And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
![]() LadyShadow, lizardlady
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#3
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Because you know you are of value and it is reasonable to assume the offending party should also have know that and then responded accordingly. No matter what that person does, however, please keep being the person you are...and may you find the support you need in the meantime.
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#4
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I think your friend has shown their true colors. I'm not saying end the friendship, but maybe the next time they need you, you can determine whether or not they are worth your time.
__________________
![]() What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
![]() xenko
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#5
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Sorry sophiesmom,I understand exactly how it feels.
Was your friend always there for you before,is this something new?Just asking because I had to ask myself the same question.I realized that my friend was never really there for me,it's always been the other way around. I am keeping her as a friend because she does have many good qualities.But I don't turn to her or expect her to be there for me anymore.She's just not that kind of person.As much as I don't like it,I have to accept it. Do you have anyone else you can turn to for support? |
![]() xRavenx
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#6
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I'm so sorry that you are hurting and abandoned and feeling stupid to have thought yourself worthy of support.
You definitely are worthy of support. I'm really sorry that this person has let you down. You deserve so much better. ![]() Last edited by Bill3; Nov 27, 2016 at 06:01 PM. |
#7
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Being too much trouble for someone doesn't mean anything about you, it means the other person cannot handle it and that is their right. I am too much for some people and too little for others. For some people I am just right. Sometimes when people are going through their own stuff, they simply cannot handle stuff from anyone else. They might be standing on the edge of a cliff and hanging on by a thread. If they need to take a step back from others for their own safety, so be it. Does it hurt? Of course it does! But we cannot always expect people to do what seems right to us....sometimes they must do what is right for them even if it hurts us.
The right friends will not continually leave you feeling let down. Might they let you down sometimes and still be a good friend? Yes! The trick is knowing and trusting your feelings regarding them. If they consistently let you down, it might be time to evaluate the situation in greater depth. (((Hugs))) |
![]() xRavenx
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#8
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Thanks everyone for your support. It's always meant so much to come here for a somewhat objective opinion. In my case, I seem to have lost the ability to see things that way. I think that happens with depression. Probably happens with most mental illness.
Things are going really well for this particular person. I think what they did stinks and, maybe, she's showing her true colors. She's a friend when it suits her convenience, I guess. I cannot, nor will I ever, be like that for anyone, friend or not. |
![]() Anonymous57777, Anonymous59125
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![]() xenko
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#9
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Quote:
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#10
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Hi. Just coming back here to see how you are doing and to remind you of how worthy of support you are.
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![]() Anonymous37954
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#11
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Hi sophiesMom. As they say, a friend in need is a friend indeed!
I'm sorry you went through this. It isn't fair and it isn't right!
__________________
We have a social group here at PC for members of large families. Please have a sibling group of 5+. PM me if you qualify and wish to join. |
#12
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Just checking in again.
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#13
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#14
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#15
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I am really trying. I suppose that my expectations were too high, so I decided to have none.
It's kind of sad. But then when I am shown a kindness, it's kinda like an unexpected surprise, so there's that... ![]() Thank you Bill3, for the support. It means so much to come here and know that whatever it is I'm going through, there is understanding here. I feel as if we're all a bunch of strange little misshappen peas in the same, slightly imperfect, pod... |
![]() Anonymous57777, Bill3
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![]() Bill3
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#16
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![]() Anonymous37954
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![]() Bill3
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#17
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Hi SM.
What Bill said (each time, lol) <3 Chyia |
![]() Bill3
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#18
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((hugs)).
I've been there. I've debated whether to remain friends with someone who would flake or not be there in the same way that I am there for them. After reflecting, I have grown to accept for whatever reason, some people are just unable to be that person that I want them to be. Some things to think about: 1. It is nothing to do with you! The person definitely has their own issues, although there's no need to accept this kind of behavior from them, since it is clearly hurting you. 2. Take care of your own needs, and know that you cannot rely on this person, although you can still maintain a friendship if you choose (maybe just not the kind that you want) 3. You can keep your distance more, and you always have the option of talking to them about it. They won't automatically change their ways, but sometimes this person might be more mindful and respectful of your time by knowing it bothers you.... or ....4. You have the right to walk away from this friendship, if you choose. Some friendships aren't meant to last. It's up to you whether this is a deal breaker, and it's acceptable either way. Don't compromise your values, health, or wellbeing, if this friendship is destructive. Although we cannot change others, we can change our response to them, with time and acceptance. I know it's sad not to have expectations since some people fail to live up to their word, but the more you shift your focus on to other things, the easier it will become. I also hope with time, you'll meet friends you can rely on more, maybe joining something or over a common interest, if you choose. ![]() |
#19
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![]() Anonymous37954
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