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  #1  
Old Nov 27, 2016, 12:16 PM
Anonymous37954
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I'm sure we've all experienced it....

I have a friend who I would drop everything for the minute she had any kind of problem. Now, when things are particularly bad for me (past 2 weeks or so), I don't get the same consideration. At all. In fact it's been remarked (indirectly) that I am too much trouble.

I hate this. I truly hate it. Because I have self-esteem problems as it is, and then to be considered too much trouble for someone it's very devastating to me. The wording that someone else would just brush off, I have to believe.

It's so brutally unfair. Why do I even THINK I might be valued enough to get treated with the same respect and consideration? I'm so stupid.
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  #2  
Old Nov 27, 2016, 12:30 PM
TishaBuv TishaBuv is offline
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You're not stupid, you just have a crappy friend who doesn't deserve your support. I've been there, too.
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  #3  
Old Nov 27, 2016, 12:56 PM
leejosepho leejosepho is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sophiesmom View Post
It's so brutally unfair. Why do I even THINK I might be valued enough to get treated with the same respect and consideration?
Because you know you are of value and it is reasonable to assume the offending party should also have know that and then responded accordingly. No matter what that person does, however, please keep being the person you are...and may you find the support you need in the meantime.
  #4  
Old Nov 27, 2016, 01:31 PM
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seesaw seesaw is offline
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I think your friend has shown their true colors. I'm not saying end the friendship, but maybe the next time they need you, you can determine whether or not they are worth your time.
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Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.

Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien

Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...
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  #5  
Old Nov 27, 2016, 02:36 PM
Anonymous37908
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Sorry sophiesmom,I understand exactly how it feels.

Was your friend always there for you before,is this something new?Just asking because I had to ask myself the same question.I realized that my friend was never really there for me,it's always been the other way around.

I am keeping her as a friend because she does have many good qualities.But I don't turn to her or expect her to be there for me anymore.She's just not that kind of person.As much as I don't like it,I have to accept it.

Do you have anyone else you can turn to for support?
Thanks for this!
xRavenx
  #6  
Old Nov 27, 2016, 03:28 PM
Bill3 Bill3 is offline
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I'm so sorry that you are hurting and abandoned and feeling stupid to have thought yourself worthy of support.

You definitely are worthy of support. I'm really sorry that this person has let you down. You deserve so much better.


Last edited by Bill3; Nov 27, 2016 at 06:01 PM.
  #7  
Old Nov 27, 2016, 05:12 PM
Anonymous59125
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Being too much trouble for someone doesn't mean anything about you, it means the other person cannot handle it and that is their right. I am too much for some people and too little for others. For some people I am just right. Sometimes when people are going through their own stuff, they simply cannot handle stuff from anyone else. They might be standing on the edge of a cliff and hanging on by a thread. If they need to take a step back from others for their own safety, so be it. Does it hurt? Of course it does! But we cannot always expect people to do what seems right to us....sometimes they must do what is right for them even if it hurts us.

The right friends will not continually leave you feeling let down. Might they let you down sometimes and still be a good friend? Yes! The trick is knowing and trusting your feelings regarding them. If they consistently let you down, it might be time to evaluate the situation in greater depth. (((Hugs)))
Thanks for this!
xRavenx
  #8  
Old Nov 28, 2016, 12:54 PM
Anonymous37954
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Thanks everyone for your support. It's always meant so much to come here for a somewhat objective opinion. In my case, I seem to have lost the ability to see things that way. I think that happens with depression. Probably happens with most mental illness.

Things are going really well for this particular person.

I think what they did stinks and, maybe, she's showing her true colors. She's a friend when it suits her convenience, I guess.

I cannot, nor will I ever, be like that for anyone, friend or not.
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xenko
  #9  
Old Nov 28, 2016, 01:03 PM
Anonymous59125
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sophiesmom View Post
Thanks everyone for your support. It's always meant so much to come here for a somewhat objective opinion. In my case, I seem to have lost the ability to see things that way. I think that happens with depression. Probably happens with most mental illness.

Things are going really well for this particular person.

I think what they did stinks and, maybe, she's showing her true colors. She's a friend when it suits her convenience, I guess.

I cannot, nor will I ever, be like that for anyone, friend or not.
It does stink and it's not fair. If this person habitually let's you down and is only there when she needs something it would be healthy to reevaluate this relationship. We can only control our own behaviors and not the behaviors of others. Making a decision not to be like the people who hurt you is a wise decision. (((Hugs)))
  #10  
Old Nov 29, 2016, 01:55 PM
Bill3 Bill3 is offline
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Hi. Just coming back here to see how you are doing and to remind you of how worthy of support you are.

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Anonymous37954
  #11  
Old Nov 29, 2016, 02:31 PM
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PumpkinPieHead PumpkinPieHead is offline
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Hi sophiesMom. As they say, a friend in need is a friend indeed!

I'm sorry you went through this. It isn't fair and it isn't right!
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  #12  
Old Dec 11, 2016, 04:40 PM
Bill3 Bill3 is offline
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Just checking in again. Know that you deserve kindness and support.
  #13  
Old Dec 17, 2016, 12:22 AM
Bill3 Bill3 is offline
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Keep hanging in there sophiesmom!
  #14  
Old Dec 24, 2016, 12:00 AM
Bill3 Bill3 is offline
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You can do it sophiesmom!
  #15  
Old Dec 24, 2016, 02:59 AM
Anonymous37954
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I am really trying. I suppose that my expectations were too high, so I decided to have none.

It's kind of sad. But then when I am shown a kindness, it's kinda like an unexpected surprise, so there's that...



Thank you Bill3, for the support. It means so much to come here and know that whatever it is I'm going through, there is understanding here. I feel as if we're all a bunch of strange little misshappen peas in the same, slightly imperfect, pod...
Hugs from:
Anonymous57777, Bill3
Thanks for this!
Bill3
  #16  
Old Dec 24, 2016, 03:14 AM
Anonymous57777
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<<Hugs>> to you this Christmas Eve morning! You deserve kindness everyday. The people around you who aren't giving it to you must have "issues" because kindness is second nature for you. Thinking of you....
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Bill3
  #17  
Old Dec 24, 2016, 02:30 PM
Chyialee Chyialee is offline
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Hi SM.

What Bill said (each time, lol)

<3
Chyia
Thanks for this!
Bill3
  #18  
Old Dec 24, 2016, 05:54 PM
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xRavenx xRavenx is offline
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((hugs)).
I've been there. I've debated whether to remain friends with someone who would flake or not be there in the same way that I am there for them. After reflecting, I have grown to accept for whatever reason, some people are just unable to be that person that I want them to be.

Some things to think about:
1. It is nothing to do with you! The person definitely has their own issues, although there's no need to accept this kind of behavior from them, since it is clearly hurting you. 2. Take care of your own needs, and know that you cannot rely on this person, although you can still maintain a friendship if you choose (maybe just not the kind that you want) 3. You can keep your distance more, and you always have the option of talking to them about it. They won't automatically change their ways, but sometimes this person might be more mindful and respectful of your time by knowing it bothers you.... or ....4. You have the right to walk away from this friendship, if you choose. Some friendships aren't meant to last. It's up to you whether this is a deal breaker, and it's acceptable either way. Don't compromise your values, health, or wellbeing, if this friendship is destructive.

Although we cannot change others, we can change our response to them, with time and acceptance. I know it's sad not to have expectations since some people fail to live up to their word, but the more you shift your focus on to other things, the easier it will become. I also hope with time, you'll meet friends you can rely on more, maybe joining something or over a common interest, if you choose.
  #19  
Old Dec 28, 2016, 02:27 AM
Bill3 Bill3 is offline
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