[KristenRenee]

Hi there. I am been married to my second husband now for 18 years. We have been separated for 16 years now. But it's not been like a normal separation. We still do everything together and see each other every day but we just can't live together. After about 2 years into our marriage i notices something was wrong with my husband and intimacy. He no longer touched me or wanted to make love. Then over the years we still did it once in awhile. Now it has been 2 years and i was always afraid to approach him about it because i thought he knew it was him that was the problem. But in the last couple of weeks i have been gnawing at him and asking him why he no longer desires to be with me intimately or touch me at all for that matter. He finally gave me his answer which I sure wasn't expecting. He said it is because I drink and use. I do have substance abuse issues and have for the last 30 years and he has always known and that never seemed to stop him from being intimate with me before so I got really angry at him and wasn't ever going to call him again. But we have been best friends and I really don't have anybody without him. I was just wondering if anyone had any suggestions about what i might or should do. i mean i know i have to get clean and sober, but i somehow don't think that will fix our love life situation. Anyway, thanks for listening.

I am sorry about your love life situation. However, if your ex made it a point to say that he no longer wanted to be intimate because of your substance/drinking problem--that may be a more serious issue than your love life. When we abuse substances sometimes it makes us "bad lovers". Plus, if you have been using/drinking heavily for 30 years it effects your health, energy levels (ability to reach your potential/get things done), and appearance. That just isn't attractive. To much drinking can contribute to depression too. Working on the substance abuse issues should be a priority. You are right, that doesn't guarantee that your love life will be fixed but it will help you in many other ways. It is good that he is still your friend and cares enough to express his concern about your problem. I hope you can find the strength to give it all up.

You won't know what the next step is until you clean up and sober up.

So clean up and sober up and then work on the next step.