Who Should Set Up the Dates?

When it comes to being single, and going out on dates, who should set them up? Who should be the one to ask "So hey do you want to meet up this day at this time?"

Should it be the man or the woman? Or does it not matter who asks?

Should the date be agreed upon between the two people not have one person set it all up and then tell the person in advice "Hey so we're having out this day at this time, is that ok?"

The last few guys I am talking too, I have these ideas for dates and then try to set up those days for dates but it always back fires and I never get to go on the dates, because the guy is never free or this happens or that happens.

Like for instance, this one guy who is out of state for work, is coming home on December 12th, and on the 15th there's this concert and I thought we could meet up and have our first date as that concert, but when I asked "Can we meet on the 15th?" he says "Maybe that Saturday".

Well thats already blowing off my idea and then that "MAYBE" is already like a NO answer. Its like WTF.

I don't know what to do about asking guys out on dates or what to do in general really anymore.

If the other person is interested also, it will just happen naturally. You can't "make" someone interested in going on a date. It's also probably better to suggest a day/time when you're both free and THEN select an activity together rather than try to force a date to happen around a specific event. Most people are busy and can't just clear their schedules because you want your first date to be going to a specific concert.

When I've done online dating, it's usually been 50% me asking "Would you like to meet up next week?" and 50% them. We usually mutually discuss availability and an activity we both enjoy-- or something simple like a glass of wine for a first date. It tends to feel natural, not forced. If I'm talking to someone who can't seem to make a specific plan, I usually move on because it lets me know that they just aren't that interested or they have something else going on. I don't want to waste my time.

If you're finding that the guys you're talking to aren't making plans with you, you may want to consider if there's a pattern going on. Are you coming on too strong? Asking to plan a date too soon after talking for the first time? Pershing guys who are unavailable? I'm not saying that you are doing these things-- just something maybe worth considering if you find this to be happening a lot.

This I have found to be a mixed bag of sorts. Because there are guys who will say on their profile they don't want to stay on email to get to know one another, they want to meet but if you make it clear you are willing to meet, they get put off...specifically a guy I chatted with once wanted to meet but he was in another nearby city. Trying to figure out where to meet in the middle, he ended up saying he felt like he was in a real estate negotiation. needless to say that went nowhere. The last guy I went out with he chatted with me on the site, we went to text and then ph calls. He asked when I was available and then suggested where to meet (in public). Even my long term friend I let decide but he works 3 jobs so it's hard for him to get time off. I hate to say but sometimes he can be a little short notice, But if I have a plan or whatever, we just figure out an alternative time. It just seems you really never know what the guys really want you to do. I just notice they don't want me making the suggestions most of the time. Maybe that's part of the 'chase' I read so much about?

Let whomever wants to set up the dates do it. There is no "one sex should do this, and the other should do this" in dating. No set roles to play. Just do whatever it is you want in the relationship. I absolutely despise "predetermined gender roles". We don't live in the 18th century anymore for crying out loud!

And thank Gaia we don't. Though I know some love the feel of a good corset around their torso, but I prefer to be able to breathe deeply and freely myself. Also, wearing all those many pounds and layers of petticoats and then a large skirted dress? That seems a workout in and of itself to put on. Not to knock anyone if they prefer the Victorian ladies look, but it's just not for me. I'm more a free spirited hippie kind of person myself (but I do bathe more frequently than they did, and I don't partake in the Mary Jane).

Eh, do whatever it is that makes you two happy. Relax, have fun, and enjoy yourselves, it's a fun outing, not a super stuffy formal occasion.

Whoever starts the proposal, both must agree on it. The first person would suggest a date/time and a place, and then ask the other person if they are OK with it. Personally, I don't think a crowed place is a good place to meet for a first date. Quiet places like a coffee shop would probably be a better place to talk and know each others.

I don't think there's someone who "must" set up the date.. there are no rules, if you ask me.

I think it doesn't matter who suggests a date but if people are interested they wouldn't be blowing others off. These men come across as not interested. Just in my opinion and my dating experience.

Now the guy that works out of town...I wouldn't suggest first date at a concert. It's hard to talk at a concert. Maybe wait for subsequent date. Just meet this guy in
a coffee shop.

Also most people don't date during the week. I think it's better to decide when you are both free and only then figure out activity. Another thing is since you do not work or go to school but those guys work let them select days when they are available. They are less flexible.

I think both people have equal rights to make the date plans. If you get brushed off on your ideas, keep trying. The right guy will be willing to go out on your terms and ideas. A concert is fun but not an easy place to talk or get to know each other in some cases. Maybe that is what held this person back? Some people don't like concerts or crowds so that's always possible. You could always ask "do you not like my idea and if not why". Direct is always a good approach when you are confused.

I might just say Hey ! How about we meet for coffee"

In your situation you could do it anytime where as the guy works.

Honestly I would not want a date going to a concert right off the bat, nor would I want a movie date , first date or 2 should really be about getting a feel for who this person is.

Both meet at a predetermined place. I personally in this day and age would not have someone pick me up in the beginning until I had a desire to keep dating and felt the guy was not going to harm you.

But that's just me

Good luck !

I don't think this guy was blowing off your idea. Maybe he has things to do once he gets back in town and the weekend works better for him? I know doing stuff during the week is difficult for me because I work. You can't expect people to drop everything for you because you suggest a date and time. WHat usually happens is you say when you're free, then they say when they're free, and the two of you mutually decide which date and time and venue works for you.

I also agree, I don't think I'd attend a concert with a girl I hadn't met yet. That's more something I'd do with current friends rather than someone I'd like to get to know.

Good luck,
Seesaw

The one who is most interested.

I've done a concert for a first date, it had me be intimate with the guy, he was holding me while enjoying the music, or us holding hands, we got to know each other, on the drive to the concert, standing in line to get into the concert, on the ride home from the concert. Its a good topic goer because there's lots to talk about.

But anyway as far as these guys go, I was suppose to have a date this weekend and last weekend from the same guy but neither times happened which sucked.

Last weekend's date didn't happen due to the weather. Him and I talked last weekend and had both said this week or weekend we would try the date again but throughout this week and weekend nothing was brought up.

I didn't want to be the one to ask about the date and be pushy about it. Because thats what I did last weekend, I asked him "Hey so we going to go to this event on this day or no because of the weather?" and we couldn't go because of the weather.

Then we both said we would try again this week or weekend and neither one of us said anything. I was hoping he would have said something, because he was interested in dating me in the first place but again nothing was said.

I did mention to him I bought new clothes and wanted to wear the new outfit on our first date but nothing else was said about that.

I really want to go see the new Disney movie Moana and I don't want to go see it with family or a friend or by myself. I want to go see it with a guy on a date but yet no guys want to go out with me. Or they let me down like these guys are doing.

There are no rules for who asks who.

If you are inclined to want a coffee, do the inviting.

On a side note: when it comes to picking up the tab, never assume the other person will pay it. Always be prepared to pay your own way. If he should indicate he wishes to pick it up then allow him to do so.

I would refrain from holding hands and hugging as well as be in their car alone with them on the first date.