[corlyn]

I'm in a long distance relationship with someone I met on another mental health forum..we talked for a year before we actually met in person..

I was getting to the point of giving up on ever meeting because neither of us had the money to actually travel..I told him I was giving up and he decided to drive to come see me and we ended up having the best 2 weeks together..

We've visited each other a few times since..but I'm starting to feel like this will never go anywhere other than a long distance relationship..I'm having a hard time having fun with it anymore..the distance makes me lonely at times..

He understands me better than anyone else in my life..I enjoy our connection..we've been talking since 2013..a time that I was really quite unwell and dealing with court and trying to avoid jail..he knows everything there is to know about me..but the loneliness I'm feeling from lack of human contact is really taking a toll on how I'm feeling about this relationship..

I'm just not sure if I can do it much longer..but the thought of him being out of my life saddens me..I'm just not sure how to go on with this..

Lately I'm getting paranoid that maybe he only went on that forum to meet women and I just happened to be the one he got..I'm thinking all sorts of messed up stuff lately..but then it's like who cares if that was the case..we met and That's that..but I am also scared he's gonna end up hurting me in some way..my last two relationships were abusive and I still get stuck thinking that's all I deserve..

I just don't understand my own thinking..I've been avoiding his calls and texts all day..I'm sure he's worried about me because of that..we talk the same time everyday and text throughout the day..he's really the only person in my life other than family..I'm just getting to the point of not knowing what to do..

I have no job..waiting for disability to approve or deny me..so I'm stuck here living with my mom..moving out right now is not going to happen..and I'm not so sure that I can go live with him..I have flashbacks of how horribly I was treated while living with my ex's...I'm not at tip top level of functioning..I have trouble taking basic care of myself and already feel like a burden..

If you made it this far..thank you for reading..

[Bill3]

What options do you have? And what are the pros and cons of each option?

[Skeezyks]

Hello corlyn: I'm sorry you are in such a difficult dilemma. (Please forgive my ramblings here. It's all just food for thought, as they say.) There really aren't any great solutions here. I don't get the impression, from reading your post, that you're in love with this man. At least not yet. You've known each other mostly long-distance for several years now & you've visited each other few times it sounds like.

You wrote your friend understands you better than anyone else in your life. Sometimes when people meet, they just know this is the one for me. (That doesn't always mean they're right. But at the time that's what they believe.) In your case, it doesn't sound as though you have this "instant attraction" / "swept off my feet" feeling. And the two of you have not had enough time together to really figure out if there is more to this relationship than simple friendship.

You mentioned you've been avoiding your friend's calls & texts. Of course, you posted this yesterday. So perhaps things have changed by now. My thinking is that what might be best here is if you could find a way to talk openly with your friend about what you're thinking... the things you wrote here. You wrote you don't understand your own thinking. Perhaps you just don't know what to say to your friend. You're conflicted. On the one hand you have concerns about where the relationship is going. But, on the other, you're afraid to lose your friend. So the safest option feels like simply avoiding the whole thing.

The thing is that, at least from my perspective, a major key to any long-term relationship is open & honest communication. So, if there is any possibility that you & your friend could have a long-term relationship, it seems to me being able to share what is in your heart is one important facet. Consequently, perhaps one way to look at this is to view it as an opportunity to see if your relationship has wings. Could you lose your friend altogether? Yes, that is certainly a possibility. But I wonder if having your relationship fizzle over an extended period of time is preferable to simply figuring out once-&-for-all if there's more to your relationship than simply long-distance support. If the two of you really want to be together... together you will find a way. But one thing is for certain, it won't happen if one or both of you is hiding. I send you both my best wishes.