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#1
Dec 05, 2016, 01:57 AM
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Hi everyone, I am new here and I joined here because well, I don't know where else to turn. I have tried a site called "E-Not Alone" with no luck. Since this site has a big relationship department I thought maybe I could get some advice.
I am 17 years old and I am currently in an LDR with another 17 yr old male for about 4 months now. I love him so much. It's not just "like" I know this is love because of how I feel for him. We are online only but plan on meeting in the near future as both of us live in the USA so not too far apart. The problem is, I have cheated on him multiple times. Sexting specifically and at least with 13 people. Mainly just exchanging nudes and roleplay, nothing too crazy but still very wrong. I act out of impulse and don't know what I'm doing until I'm finished and that's when the guilt immediately sets in. I haven't sexted with anyone in a while now but back in September, I was caught sexting someone and he initially broke up with me but he decided to forgive me because he loves me so much. I genuinely care about him and show him my love everyday we talk. The way we met and the story behind our meeting is magical, something out of a movie. I don't want to lose him I love him so much and I don't want to break his heart again. I am not dating anyone on the side of him but that still doesn't justify what I did. I have no motive for what I did either. I just basically did it to see what those other guys had. When I finished I felt absolutely horrible. I have lost other relationships due to my infidelity. Some partners never found out, others did. The ones who didn't find out just broke up with me cause either they found someone else or they were abusive so I ended up dumping them. I felt it was karma for my cheating. After my last relationship ended due to infidelity, I vowed I'd never cheat again. Yet here I am doing it again. Why do I do this?? Why can't I just stay faithful? I just can't control myself. I want a healthy relationship without lies and secrets but every relationship I've had seemed to have gone bad. This one is not like the other ones though. He genuinely cares for me and I do the same. He has not cheated on me once!! I am a serial cheater and I need help. Please spare the negative comments. I know I'm an awful person. |
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#2
Dec 05, 2016, 11:46 AM
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Seriously? Why are you even trying to make fidelity a part of your life at this age?
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 Skittles2018
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#3
Dec 05, 2016, 03:55 PM
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Maybe you're just not monogamously inclined.
Some people just aren't the monogamous type, and fighting your nature hardly works out well. Perhaps you should seek partners who are open to sharing. |
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#4
Dec 06, 2016, 01:20 PM
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Is this what people regard as a relationship now? All this texting and online crap?
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#5
Dec 06, 2016, 01:26 PM
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At 17, honestly, you don't need to be engaging in this kind of activity. This online sexting stuff is not love. It isn't even really a relationship; it's a fantasy enacted online. You are also opening yourself up to be used and exploited. This is not safe activity.
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| Artchic528
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#6
Dec 06, 2016, 04:43 PM
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as this is a mental health website and I do have mental health issues, the thing that kind of stands out for me is that perhaps this is some impulsivity and hypersexuality things going on with the random sexting? that is an issue I have faced with being bipolar. I don't do a lot of the other things on the bipolar mania list but the hypersexuality and impulsiveness, yes. I'm not so sure I see it as an infidelity problem as much. I have to agree with lolagrace, the potential for harm to you is pretty high by that activity.
however, having had 2 online emotional affairs and one online relationship that moved into real life, I do feel like the emotions were as real as if we were sitting next to one another. I've had people argue that point but that is just how I feel. Anyway, I would question the motives behind the sexting or any other sexual activity with multiple people that you engage in outside of your relationships, perhaps with a therapist. the hypersexuality and activities I engaged in were clues that I was suffering bipolar (I ended up at the psychiatrist office to deal with depression over losing the first online bf, when the dr learned of the other behaviors after I had a breakdown is when I was diagnosed with bp) oh and for the record, no, you are not a horrible person. just human. I do wish you the best and advise you to please keep yourself safe. |
 Bill3
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| Bill3
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#7
Dec 06, 2016, 10:28 PM
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You're 17 ... At 17 I had not a clue about who I wanted to date , this is prehistoric days before Internet, texting/ sexting. We all met at the skating rink or local park sneaking cigarettes. And had to talk on a phone attached to a wall in the same room as parents . LOL , you kids have it made !
Do you and your fellow have any kind of date set for meeting face to face? As for your Bipolar ( I also have Bipolar) are you In treatment? See a Therapist? Do you have a plan for when your headed up and that's when you do impulse non thought out things, do you have enough self awareness to reach out for help before it all hits the fan. Welcome to PC
__________________
Helping others gets me out of my own head ~ |
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#8
Dec 07, 2016, 10:28 AM
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#9
Dec 07, 2016, 10:33 AM
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herein lies the problem. It's not that at your age that you want to date or be able to date a few people or hook up or whatever it is you want with them, it's whether or not you present your relationship with whom you are with as such or if you are pretending to be exclusive with them. Make a choice, simple as that. If you WANT to be exclusive to this one person, then do so and do not veer from that, and present yourself as that person's mate. If you do care about them but want the freedom to be able to continue to date or be with other people then say so and be transparent about how you are. It may or may not go well with the person you are with now, since you started off with a different approach but still honesty being the best policy I think it's only fair that he know what it is you want. You always have choice in these matters it is never out of our own personal control. You either choose to be exclusive with the person or you have to be honest with them and let them know you want to keep your options open. Doing one and presenting the other just isn't the right option to choose. |
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#10
Dec 07, 2016, 11:30 AM
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#11
Dec 07, 2016, 01:29 PM
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#12
Dec 07, 2016, 01:33 PM
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If you wish to be monogamous, then I think you need to see a therapist.
__________________
 What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
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#13
Dec 07, 2016, 01:38 PM
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If you wish to be monogamous but find yourself having a hard time doing so, then you need to find a therapist to figure out why and what to do about the problem. 
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| seesaw
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#14
Dec 07, 2016, 01:42 PM
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If the sexting etc bothers you this much; remove yourself from situations where you will be tempted to do something you'll regret later.
Block / limit your usage of the websites where you meet these people. |
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#15
Dec 07, 2016, 01:46 PM
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__________________
What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
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#16
Dec 07, 2016, 01:50 PM
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Peace
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#17
Dec 08, 2016, 07:25 PM
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I'm confused.
How do you define "infidelity"? not trying to judge, just trying to understand your world. as for sexting. stop it. it is just a matter of time before your personal information is learnt by someone willing to exploit you. imagine your true name, address , etc. being linked to the videos you have posted. for everyone to see. forever. |
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#18
Dec 08, 2016, 09:31 PM
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You do it because you need to dislike yourself or are punishing yourself for some reason... |
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#19
Dec 11, 2016, 06:09 PM
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| Molinit
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| Molinit
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| Reply |
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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