[Artchic528]

How do you know when you've met "the one"? Is it something you feel? If so, what exactly is that feeling?

I know this might be extremely premature for me to even be thinking these sorts of things right now, but the reason why I ask is because I'm genuinely curious about marriage and the feelings and reasons a couple has for entering into one. I asked my mother why she married my father and she simply replied "I don't know, it was a long time ago". They've been happily married for 38 years now, so I guess she had a point. She also told me a healthy, loving relationship shouldn't be too hard.

I don't know. I'm just very curious about these sorts of things.

[scorpiosis37]

I think it takes a very long time to know. It's also possible to meet "the one" for a particular time in your life, but who may not be the one forever. I have friends who think every person they date is "the one" for the first few weeks-- but they've had probably 50 "ones" since I met them! I've had long-term relationships (5+ years) and while I thought I had met the one... I hadn't. We were just too young and grew in different directions. Personally, I would not consider even thinking about marriage until a year of dating-- and still probably not for 2-3 years. It truly takes that long to get to know somebody to see if you're growing in the same direction. I would also make sure that I wasn't fighting too often with my partner and that we wanted the same things (i.e. How many kids, how we'd divide up parenting duties with our careers, where we would spend holidays, where we would send kids for school, how much we would spend on a house, etc). I have learned from experience that having different ideas about those things can end even a really good relationship!

I've been married 29 years, the courtship with my husband lasted only 6 months. When I met him, I had a boyfriend; had a couple other bfs previous to that boyfriend. Was 23 when I met H. I said yes to marriage because I felt secure with him, very emotionally close, admired his intellectual capacity and his body, plus the sex was often (sometimes daily or more) and great. I had some, but not all of these things with previous boyfriends. There have been a lot of ups and downs during our marriage but I have always been attracted to him (even when I am angry with him). Marriage is a commitment that effects the trajectory of your entire life--both good and bad. Hopefully there is more good than bad in every marriage--I believe my marriage has had many more good things than bad things. When things are bad, I try to remember all the good times and things we have accomplished together.
The thing that ebbs and flows most in our marriage (is the most challenging for me to maintain) is true emotional closeness. Also, what Scorpiosis says about it being good to talk about "How many kids, how we'd divide up parenting duties with our careers, where we would spend holidays, where we would send kids for school, how much we would spend on a house, etc" is good advice. I was so "happy go lucky" in my youth, none of these things crossed my mind and they all came up during the course of marriage. They mostly didn't cause that many problems except for differences in philosophy in regards to raising our children. It would be a good thing to talk about if you want to have children and how you would want to raise them prior to marrying. I didn't, I just jumped right into it without thinking anything through.

[Artchic528]

Thanks guys! What you said makes a whole lot of sense and gives me a better idea of what it might feel like to be in the right relationship.

[LadyShadow]

You know for me, I am still single, BUT I have a best friend who used to be my boyfriend. In my heart of hearts I feel he is the "one"

I think it takes time and effort to truly know you love someone. Reliability and support is a MAJOR factor here because he is someone I have always been able to count on no matter WHAT. Some would say, "oh well he is just a good friend" but its more than that. We talk for hours every single night for the past SIX YEARS!!!! We also talk sometimes in the afternoon when he is on his way home from work. He has been my rock, my ace in the hole, and even though I have dated others since our breakup, I feel myself still loving him and drawn to him.

I truly believe he is the "one" I will grow old with and be with forever. Maybe not right now, because I want to take things slow and not sully the friendship, but maybe in a few more years when I am out of debt and I have a few years in with this new job. Maturity about knowing what you want does come with age and time put in, and that is something you will come to find out.

Good luck!

[TishaBuv]

The whole concept of 'the one' is probably faulty thinking and causes a lot of heartache. I suppose you won't know for sure if he's the one until looking back over time. Only if it lasts, then he's the one. If it doesn't last, he's 'the one who got away'.

Since I've been with my husband for 25 years, half my life, he has proven to be 'the one'.

It was a very romantic story of our meeting and beginning. He told a girl, after I left the bar, that he had met the one and was thinking of names for our future children!

On our first date, I got in his car, he held my hand, and that was it. It just felt good and we've been together ever since.

Having our religious faith in common was important to us both, we must have discussed goals. I really didn't have anything I was driven to do with my life. He had his life roughly planned, in that he was about to complete his education and begin a professional career, but he didn't know where he wanted to go.

We really didn't firm up anything. We just enjoyed time together. I could tell what kind of a person he was by seeing him in situations like restaurants, with his friends, with his parents, with my parents, etc...

We got engaged after just six months of dating. He made the choice of where we were to live, and it was fine with me. I chose the house we bought a few years later, and did all the negotiating and closing on it by myself with out him, as he was already so busy and stressed with his job. I planned and did the whole wedding by myself, too, same thing.

See, he had that withdrawal and I was in charge of doing everything right from the beginning. That's where that issue began which eventually snowballed into big problems for us. But, I couldn't see that coming and allowed it because he was such a stressed professional, so I took on everything else, then resented it.

Because of our longevity, of course he is 'the one'.

[divine1966]

We were watching Bridget Jones Baby last night. And she was talking how when it's the right person you feel like you home. My husband and I giggled because that's what we tell each other. Like we feel we arrived home. It's hard to explain what we mean. But we are content. . We were both married before and both raised children and I had long term live-in bf in between. These relationships weren't horrid (his was horrid)just not right. I don't think I ever felt "home". Now I do.

[MickeyCheeky]

I don't think there's "the one".. just people you can find yourself comfortable with

It took me a year before I realized he had been there all the time

[Erebos]

Ok, so a long time ago I met someone, and we pretty much became each other's everything,it was a crazy, passionate, intense meeting of mind , body and souls. We were tied. Couldn't be apart, became ill if we were. This lasted 9 years, every day was a passion fuelled honeymoon, even after four kids. Then in the tenth year it blew apart.from absolutely nowhere the whole thing just completely annihilated itself.
Now,nearly 8 years on I can't tell u what happened. Or why. But I was so convinced that was my "-one" I never bothered dating again. Never even looked at another guy,didn't see the point.
Then 4 months ago a guy I known for 2 years asked me for coffee.
Now its no crazy passionate affair, but I am happy,content and safe. And when he asks me next year if I will marry him I am pretty certain I will accept.
I have had crazy passion outburst itself out and very nearly took me with it.
This will do very nicely thank you.

[Misssy2]

I only know if I still feel the same after a year.
And usually I don't.