[xRavenx]

A lot of my friends seem to have a lot of serious issues in their life emotionally, financially, in their relationships. Obviously, we all have our issues, but one friend in particular resurfaced recently. We had a falling out a few months ago when she started taking her anger out on me and seemed mad at the world. Yes, she does have a lot of problems in her life, but she allows them to take over to the point where she blames the world for everything and can have an explosive temper that's hard to be around. So she fluctuates to being a lot of fun to being the worst person to be around.

We reconnected recently, and she apologized for her behavior towards me. I forgave her since I figured she was just taking her anger out on the wrong people, which we all do sometimes. Everything went well, and I thought she made some positive changes. It made me realize I missed being around her.

Things changed fast. I found out that she still does flip quickly to the other side, where she gets into these modes where she's miserable and complains constantly. She hasn't taken her anger out on me since we started talking again, but when she talks to me, almost everything is negative now. I don't know why she bothers to reach out to me, TBH.

She has something bad to say about all the people around her. Although I agree she does have some toxic people in his life and been in some bad situations, her reactions can be extreme, and I often do not know how to respond to her when she's just venting.

Usually I just listen and show empathy, but I'm always left feeling confused about our friendship. I kind of feel like I'm walking on egg shells sometimes, uncertain if I'm saying the right thing. I suspect she might have a personality disorder, but I'm not a doctor. It's even hard to make plans, because she's not someone you can rely on since her life is just full of drama, and she knows it. She reaches out to me to talk, and I just want to be a good friend, but I'm really not sure how. I listen and try not to give too much feedback since she's a sensitive person, but I'm left feeling powerless that I can't help her.

How do you deal with friends like this who run hot and cold and complain a lot of the time, yet when things are good, they are great? It makes me feel good to make others feel good, so when I cannot, I'm left feeling powerless. She has done nice things for me and has good qualities. I'm not sure how I should proceed. I don't feel ready to completely give up the friendship, but I'm questioning if it's a healthy one. Any feedback?

[FireIsland123]

You obviously care for her and want her to be happy. Bravo! The world needs all the caring people it can get. I think where it gets tough being around someone like that is when we affirm what they are saying even when we disagree, but remain silent. Do YOU think the world is against her? I doubt it. But when we continue to agree with someone like that, are we being honest or maybe making things worse? I don't think its worth fighting every battle, but a true friend needs to be honest once in a while - or else you're adding fuel to the fire. Its also a matter of is it really your job to make her happy? And how much of your own happiness are you willing to sacrifice for her company? Like I said, don't need to win every discussion, but she needs to respect your need for happiness too. Take care.

[leejosepho]

Originally Posted by xRavenx

She hasn't taken her anger out on me since we started talking again, but when she talks to me, almost everything is negative now. I don't know why she bothers to reach out to me, TBH.

Since you have mentioned empathy, maybe try letting her know you know how it feels to have all that anger that ends up spewing negative stuff and then ask how you might be able to help her see the futility of all of that and to try to begin moving in or at least toward a new or different direction. Something is keeping her from lashing out at you, and that might indicate she is actually wanting to be more like you.

[xRavenx]

Originally Posted by FireIsland123

You obviously care for her and want her to be happy. Bravo! The world needs all the caring people it can get. I think where it gets tough being around someone like that is when we affirm what they are saying even when we disagree, but remain silent. Do YOU think the world is against her? I doubt it. But when we continue to agree with someone like that, are we being honest or maybe making things worse? I don't think its worth fighting every battle, but a true friend needs to be honest once in a while - or else you're adding fuel to the fire. Its also a matter of is it really your job to make her happy? And how much of your own happiness are you willing to sacrifice for her company? Like I said, don't need to win every discussion, but she needs to respect your need for happiness too. Take care.

Thank you. Good point. There are definitely times I'm able to point out when she is being irrational when it comes to certain things, but I have to be careful about when I point out these things. There are times where she is not receptive to any feedback at all, so it's like a balancing act. That's where it comes in where I start to feel like I'm walking on eggshells, but I guess I should keep in mind that there are times she isn't good at reasoning, but other times she does listen and take into account what I'm saying.

Originally Posted by leejosepho

Since you have mentioned empathy, maybe try letting her know you know how it feels to have all that anger that ends up spewing negative stuff and then ask how you might be able to help her see the futility of all of that and to try to begin moving in or at least toward a new or different direction. Something is keeping her from lashing out at you, and that might indicate she is actually wanting to be more like you.

That's a good suggestion, thanks. I didn't think about the possibility that she may want to be more like me. Maybe she doesn't have a lot of people in her life to vent to. I just hope she doesn't take her anger out on me again in the future.