[JoeS21]

I hope this sort of a question is allowed. The reason for it is that I feel it can only be asked to good friends and significant others so I'm just dissatisfied with the number of people I can ask in person. I suspect that there is a lot of wisdom that could come from a question like this and am eager to see the responses.

[divine1966]

Trust your guts. When something doesn't feel right, it's not right.

[leejosepho]

Relationships have taught me that other people do not exist for my benefit or pleasure at their expense. Even though some people have often treated me better than I have treated them, it is still unreasonable for me to expect or to demand treatment any better than I am willing to give, and forgiveness from others feels best within an humble and equally-forgiving heart.

[LadyShadow]

The relationships have taught me a lot about people and what I expect them and myself as well. I learn who really values me as a person and who will stick around for the long haul.

I have learned to identify the users and abusers, the ones that will last the test of time, and those who just want one thing.

It took a lot of trial and error before I found that way of thinking.. By the way I am still single and I have stopped searching. I figure I will just grow old with my best friend and that will be enough for me.

[Trippin2.0]

1: Dont date potential.
In other words, date someone you want as is, dont settle for someone with the potential to be the kind of partner you need.

2: Love alone is never enough.

3: It is never healthy to be, or make someone else, your "everything", balance is key.

[Lost_in_the_woods]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

1: Dont date potential.
In other words, date someone you want as is, dont settle for someone with the potential to be the kind of partner you need.

2: Love alone is never enough.

3: It is never healthy to be, or make someone else, your "everything", balance is key.

Thank for this trippin2.0!
I still haven't ever been able to conquer my distortions on 2. and 3.... I am a hopeless romantic, I really believe in love *sigh*

What I have learned in almost all my life relationships is mostly fairly negative unfortunately
But I have learned to always strive to communicate from a place of love and kindness. Oh course we all have bad days and triggers that catch us off guard. This is unavoidable sometimes. But once you realize you reacted poorly....apologize for your tone/ response..hurt feelings and anger left on addressed will only lead to a slow build up of resentment.
You can't do anything about how another person acts..so the best you can do is be able to feel good about your own behaviour. Kindness will leave you with fair less weighted regrets than spite.
That's what I strive for unfortunately many people seem to be color blind to a true good heart.

[~Christina]

Ex's are there to help us learn and make better choices .... and know what I wanted to find in a partner, which I have found, he's wonderful, can't imagine life without him.

[TishaBuv]

Whomever you're with colors your overall experience.

Yep, great words up above.

I learned that it is important to go with my intuition.

I learned that communication is the key.

[gayleggg]

As Oprah Winfrey says, "when a person shows you who they are, believe them." Typically, I ignore what people show me about themselves until it's too late and I have already fallen for them, when if I looked at the actions they showed me I would have known we weren't compatible.

I've been taught. without trust there is no relationship.

[TishaBuv]

In the words of Julie Brown's character in Shakes The Clown, "A bad clown can really fu*k you up".

My past online and real life relationships taught me how valuable it is to say how we feel, especially when we face any experiences we don't like, big and small. I believe it is so important to express to our partners and lovers and friends whatever it is we feel and desire, whenever we find the courage to. I learnt the hard way what its like to hide your true feelings covered up by things like (and that are equally as valid and need working through) priorities and preferences and fears, only to have it come out down the track and ruin the relationship.

I learned that it's important to open the bottle in relationships, at least moderately.
Bottled up feelings and thoughts which independently doom the relationship are my red line. Things are needed to be talked about.
I also learned to take things more easily and cautiously. Because I really love relationships, I tend to seem needy/clingy, but it's only because I really love developing relationships.

That you cannot trust anyone.

[Artchic528]

I've learned that a relationship is something that both parties involved need to contribute to 100%. Relationships aren't 50/50, but rather 100/100.

I've also learned to recognize when a relationship isn't right for me, and how to know when it is right for me.

[Unrigged64072835]

I learned to think outside of the box as far as what I like is concerned. I ended up with a great husband that way.

[leejosepho]

Originally Posted by Artchic528

Relationships aren't 50/50, but rather 100/100.

Yes, most definitely, and especially over the long haul while keeping our "in sickness and in health" commitments in mind. My wife had not asked for a 50% husband, and I might not have survived some of my worst times if she had been less that 100% for me.

I love all this.

I have learned to trust my gut. If something feels off, it's because something is wrong / not right. Communicate well. Be kind and mindful with your words and behavior, always (and when you are not kind, an apology goes a long way if you are a generally good person and not abusing the unkindness then apology cycle). Don't be in a relationship for the wrong reasons (for the sake of being in one, for instance).

[Erebos]

Past relationships have taught me you can love people for different things and in different ways, it's still love. That an consuming, passion filled, soul bound relationship is not always forever,nor is it meant to be. And " that one relationship" often comes from the least expected of places with someone you may never have expected.

Oh and that not all relationships are meant to last forever, some are just a learning curve.

[scorpiosis37]

I have learned to look for someone who is ALREADY the partner that I want-- not someone who "could be" with a little bit of work. That will only lead to disappointment.

No amount of your care and support is never going to make someone else change. They have to change themselves because they want to and they are ready; you cannot do it for them.

Listen to people's ACTIONS, not their words. People often say what they think you want to hear; their actions are much more reliable.

I'be learned to date someone who can offer me as much as I can offer them and who is truly worthy of me. I no longer date someone just because they are available, attractive, interested in me, and have a lot of good qualities-- I am much pickier now. I know what I want and need in a partner, and I don't get past square one unless I know they have all of those qualities.

I pay a LOT of attention to how someone treats me. I only date people who build me up; never people who tear me down.

I never "chase" someone who is only kind of interested. I only pursue people if there is mutual interest and it is progressing naturally.

[StewieGG]

Not to let love make me naive and blind to unhealthy behavior. Always trust my instincts, never date anyone I suspect to be rebounding. It's painful and not worth it.

Simple. Humans are motivated entirely by self interest and as a result, the only way to be accepted by another person is to have something they want and appeal to their self interest.

While not all are motivated by things like fame or wealth, all humans have something that they desire such as attention, sex, the need to fit in, Ect., you get the picture. Appeal to whatever the person's greatest desire is while appealing desirable yourself and you will be loved. Don't and be alone.