[xRavenx]

I have one friend in particular who I am very close to. I never had a problem helping her through her problems and listening. She calls me every day, but she can be needy. I really do go above and beyond and don't mind helping her, but I do have a problem when I'm taken for granted.

I do try to set boundaries. Sometimes she accepts them, other times, she takes things personally. For instance, I can't always hang on the phone for an hour. Once when I couldn't do something for her, she sent passive-aggressive texts that I think I'm "better than her." I thought we worked through this problem where she apologized for this a month ago. I asked her where she was coming from, and we patched things up. I believe she was talking out of insecurity since she does have a lot of emotional issues.

Tonight, I was already feeling down and low about myself. Then out of nowhere (around 12 AM), I get a whole string of texts on how I 'think I'm better than her,' and she continues putting me down. This was in response to the disagreement we had a month ago where she made that accusation (that I thought we patched up). Lately, she flips between being kind, caring, and understanding, to being completely needy and even insulting when she can't have it her way. It also hurts, that I've shared some of my deepest issues with her, so she should know better that I feel very vulnerable, and I'm hard on myself....so I don't need others making it worse, although she has a lot of her own emotional issues.

I texted her tonight how she hurt me and placed me in a position where I was forced to defend myself when I'm going through my own issues. Getting insulting texts at 12 AM from someone I'm always there for, is hard for me to accept. Although she apologizes, it's hard for me to just 'shrug it off,' because I feel she has taken advantage of my kindness. I feel betrayed. I thought her and I were past this.

I'm trying to decide how to proceed. I don't know if I can trust her. It also hurts that she did this right around Christmas time at a late hour. I even sent her something nice for Christmas and did not hear if she ever received it, but that's not my main concern here.

I'm not saying that she hasn't been there for me......she has, but I'm already in a fragile state of mind, and this is making it worse. She says she appreciates me, but there's starting to be red flags, and now I'm starting to feel like a punching bag, although she apologized. I try to be sympathetic that she's going through a hard time, but so am I. How do you deal with a friend like this? I don't know if this time I should accept her apology, since it's no longer an isolated incident.

[Bill3]

It must have been devastating to receive those hurtful texts at midnight during the holiday season. I'm so sorry you had to deal with that.



What options are you considering? What would be the pros and cons of not accepting the apology?

(((((xRavenx)))))

[MickeyCheeky]

I feel like she doesn't really understand what yo're going through, depsite her claiming that she does.. I personally would make it very clear that this thing hurt you very much, and see her reaction from there. It must be your choice.

I'm sorry

[Shazerac]

Receiving a series of hateful texts at 12am is abusive. My sister does that to me when she's manic and drunk. It sounds like your friend has some issues of her own to work out, but it's not your job to fix her. I would tell her how she hurt you and that you do not wish to receive text rants in the middle of the night, or any other time. Set some boundaries and see if she honors them.

That being said, your own mental health takes precedence over her need to use you as a punching bag. It might become necessary to distance yourself from her.

The switching between kindness and accusations, the demands for attention in very unhealthy ways, the text bombing, etc. sounds like bpd. Set clear boundaries about what is acceptable and unacceptable treatment of you and stick with it.

[xRavenx]

Thanks everyone for the advice and support. I find it shocking when someone mistreats me, who I have gone out of my way for. I am going to bring up once again to her how much it hurt me last night. I agree with the above that she acts like she understands what I go through, but she doesn't.

It also didn't settle well with me when recently she said, "My problems sound worse than yours." This is not true, we both have completely different sets of problems, and she has no understanding of my experiences with Bipolar (the psychosis, the episodes, etc), in an attempt to open up to her about how I have issues myself. I give up.

Originally Posted by lolagrace

The switching between kindness and accusations, the demands for attention in very unhealthy ways, the text bombing, etc. sounds like bpd. Set clear boundaries about what is acceptable and unacceptable treatment of you and stick with it.

I was thinking the same that some of her traits remind me of BPD. She switches up out of nowhere, and she seems to always have problems in her own relationships. I'm starting to see a pattern where she never holds herself responsible for her part in things and blames people easily when she senses rejection. I do need to continue setting boundaries. I empathize with her, but I can't allow myself to be walked all over. If she continues to act demanding and disrespectful, then I'm going to have to distance myself from her. Maybe I should start with a little distance now.

[xRavenx]

Originally Posted by Bill3

It must have been devastating to receive those hurtful texts at midnight during the holiday season. I'm so sorry you had to deal with that.



What options are you considering? What would be the pros and cons of not accepting the apology?

(((((xRavenx)))))

Thanks, Bill. I am probably going to have a serious talk with her about how this type of behavior is unacceptable. Even though she did apologize, I will have to explain that just an apology is not enough and that she will have to prove through her actions that she is willing to make a change. Sometimes she'll just apologize and say that she's 'not perfect.' I'm not asking for perfection, but just making a basic change that any friend would make who truly cares. I'll remind her of this.

It comes down to actions speak louder than words. Last time she apologized, I thought she really was going to stick with it, so the text rants out of nowhere shocked me. Also, I'm going to give myself a little distance before I'm ready to fully trust her again.