[chunyao70]

I am ANGRY towards my mom!!! *It is good to say (or at least to type) this out loud. *

I came from a middle class family and am the youngest of three. *My parents worked hard to provide for us and I know they made a lot of self sacrifices.

*Growing up, I always felt that I am not good enough in my mom's eyes and am constantly being judged but I had always thought that is because I am not trying hard enough. *It didn't help that I was much more rebellious than my siblings in my late teens.

I am now in my 40s with a upper level management job, great income and well educated. *Honestly I had thought I moved pass my issues and had finally reach a healthy relationship with mom. *Unfortunately, my mom suffered a stroke 6 months ago. *Since then, I felt the judgement caming back on. *She is always praising my siblings and never acknowledged what I've done to help or my accomplishments. All these emotions really hit home with me during this holiday season when I invited mom to stay with me for 2 weeks. *No matter what I do or what my kids do, she is always talking about *my siblings and their kids. *This stired up some deep repressed feeling including remembering that she once told me that she never wanted me when she was pregnant and my father had convinced her to have me. * I now wondered if she ever love me and whether she took care of me purely out of an obligation as a mother. *

The saddest part of this whole thing is that I know her feelings are genuine since her stroke. *Which probably means that she never saw me as the person I am today.

*Don't get me wrong. *Both of my older siblings are accomplished, loving and caring individuals and I am not trying to diminish that. *BUT deep down inside, I do long to feel loved by my mom and not having her viewed me as a screwed up teenager but instead respect me for what I have becomed in spite of the lack of moral support from her or my dad. *

Since she hasn't fully recovered from the stroke, I can't have a honest conversation with her and I still have to put my happy face everyday to try to make her stay enjoyable.

I know I will have to find a way to move pass this once again and I will but I can't help but feel worthless and sad at this moment.

Thank those of you in advance for taking the time to read this.

[Skeezyks]

Hello chunyao70: You know... I'm 68 & my parents have both been gone many years now. But I still find myself ruminating over things that happened growing up. I doubt we ever really get over all of this stuff. I noticed this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! May the time you spend here be of benefit.

[seesaw]

Chunyao70, I don't have any specific advice, but I know what you are feeling. I am also the youngest of three, and my mother talks nonstop about my two brothers. And I have accomplished just as much as them and been through just as much as them, but she ignores that. The things she does are very hurtful but she doesn't see it. I've learned to just stop expecting that she will ever deliver on what I need from her and seek validation elsewhere. At this age, they aren't going to change, and if they haven't validated us yet, they probably aren't going to before they die.

I'm a lot happier validating myself and letting go of what I expected of my mother.

Good luck,
seesaw