Abusive / Toxic Relationship....help

Hi, I never posted in any forums or anywhere before about this...
In March this year I finally got together with my boyfriend. We had liked each other for a couple of years but we were with different partners before.
At the beginning it was magical, I thought I finally found my prince and so did everyone else around me...
He has a son with one exgirlfriend that does not let him seesee him. The boy is my bf's life love. He resents it and often talks about it, especially on the run up to Xmas.
He also has a daughter with his latter ex. Who is a nightmare and has done everything to break us up, from making up lies that he was cheating on me to stealing nearly £10K from him in money and goods. He has a job that doesn't pay well (only recently) but his main income comes from unlawful means. Which to be honest I chose to accept because he was so wonderful to me and I chose to deal with the consequences of it.
It started in may after my birthday. The ex got me to tears a day before with lies and threats and nearly broke us up. On my birthday my best friend and him three me a surprise party, it was beautiful and the next day he took me out to dinner in the most romantic restaurant in London and proposed to me. He said it took him so long to finally be with his dream girl, and he wouldn't lose me for anything.
Then about a month later the nightmare began...
We started arguing more, as he started to miss his daughter and resent me from not being able to see her (ex's conditions) then he started lying to her that he wasn't with me and other thinks alike. And more arguments...he threw a bottle towards me once and was always shouting telling me to F off. Then he started going out at night and not picking up his phone.
One day he told me he thought he made a mistake asking me to move in back in June. We went to dinner that evening, I cried. He left me home saying he would be right back and didn't return unail noon the next day. I packed my stuff and went to a friends house. The next day I was moving out in the morning and then he arrived. That broke me...I wanted to get back but I was hurt. He was always texting me saying he felt empty and missed me.
2 weeks later we met, I easy going away for a week on hols. He then said he wanted to go with me. We did, it wasn't perfect but pretty good. Just him and I again. The moment we came back to London the abuse started again, shouting and telling me to shut up and F off.
I found out he was still lying about being with me. I couldn't day or post anything about being with him and the nightmare started. The problem is that he became more aggressive. I became jealous and pathetic. Always forgiving him, always giving him more chances. And more promises broken.
He would always blame other people for being aggressive, and it wasn't until till 2 days before Xmas we were having an argument in the car for something silly and as I raise my voice and cried he put his 2 fingers in the shapeople of a gun against my head and told me to shut the fck up. We made up. And then Xmas he never came over as he was tired. I went to his place later in the evening and he was laughing with a mate. He actually left me alone. Then kept saying sorry afterwards, that he missed his son and the last ex had been tormenting him.
Once more I forgave and yesterday I asked him in the morning before work if he could stop by at my house and give me a ride to the doctors as I have now a chest infection and he shouted he was tired and now he had to take me to the doctorsame. So he told me to f off and go home.
This is a man, I have done everything for. From looking after him and cooking for him, taking food when he was working, taking to doctors and he was never there for me. I lyrics if it was convenient to him...
Isso know it's one sided and I have to leave...I'm reading this now and frankly I haven't said half of the stuff that's happened...I still love him somehow...if it's real love...but he doesn't care products doesn't know what it means. I just don't understand how someone can be so cruel with a girl that has done nothing but look after him...it's all about money and looks and no empathy, no remorse...I'm só lost now

I'm so sorry for the hell that you are going through.

A wise poster here once remarked that loving someone (if it is love) does not automatically mean that you should be with that person.

Here he has shown you over and over and over who he is and what you mean to him.

When someone shows you who they are, believe them. And act accordingly: Leave him.

Do you see a counselor? If yes, what have your discussions been like with your counselor? If no, please do get counseling to find out why you allow him to treat you as he does.

(((((Amanda)))))