[howohsocliche]

My boyfriend and I have been together for two years. We've recently began a long distance relationship. He will be going in the Navy soon, while I'll be staying in college and pursuing a professional career.

I have concerns about our ability to hold a long distance relationship. For example, he blatantly tells me that he doesn't care about the things I have to say. Like tonight, I was telling him about a 19 year old kid who dropped out of my college and is currently the CEO of his own marketing firm, but how he had suffered through many trials and tribulations. I'll admit that there are a lot of stories like this, but I still enjoyed it, and wanted to share it with him. After telling him this kid's story, my boyfriend's response was "Ok". It was strange, so I asked him why he responded like that...He said "Well, eh, I dunno, I really don't care."
Huh? Well, I thought it was a good story....Dammit.

I only mention this story, because this isn't the first time he's reacted to what I had to say. It just seems detrimental to a long-distance relationship to be so cold. Isn't talking all we really have to keep this relationship going, since there's no physical contact?

I'm worried, because I want him to care about the things I have to say. Perhaps the things I talk about aren't his cup of tea, but then that begs the question...Why are we together if he doesn't enjoy the conversations I try to share?

He's a terrible communicator. He is not aware of what he wants from this relationship. He also has a hard time believing he has faults, so it's hard to convince him that there are things he does that upset me [And it's not just "me"]. Sometimes it feels like we lack emotional intimacy [although our sex life doesn't suffer...]
At the same time, he claims he loves me very much. He wants me to move in with him when I get out of school.
In my opinion, his behavior is contradicting what he wants from our relationship in the future.

He's in limbo with his life right now. I suspect he's depressed and is not aware of it. He's had a rough 2 years.

I don't know what to make of this man. I obviously can't convince him to care about things he doesn't care about, but speaking on a day to day basis often limits us to talking about our expriences or thoughts of the day. I would like for him to be able to talk about things he's intersted in if he's not interested in what I have to say, but he claims he doesn't have much to say in the first place since he's working a dead-end job right now.

I wish I knew what to do. <font color="brown"> </font>

[InACorner]

im going to be completely dead honest with you....

my x bf and i had a long distance relationship while he was in the marine corp...we had a three year relationship.Everyone has their faults yes...however even if you are not in a long distance relationship, your partner should be interested in what you are saying....my bf is a terrible communicator as well (as i suspect alot of men are) plus my x also thought he had very little faults..and it was horrible..and led to a few numerous break ups along our relationship path...i also know that he will have alot to do while in the Navy and you will be seriously busy trying to get through school and becoming a professional..you guys sound alot like us ...but if you think about it....even though he doesnt have alot to talk about since he is in a "dead end job" he could still listen to you and see where you are coming from and even provide you with some different viewed aspect....you dont need to lead an exciting job life to have something to talk about with your partner...if he will not listen to you now...what makes you think he will change later....mind you...when i talk about my boyfriend....i refer to him as my x .....because we couldnt make it....he couldnt get over himself...and he constantly thought i could read his mind and he wouldnt have to talk to me for me to understand...and in doing so i never felt totally cared for...i felt like i was giving 100 percent to the relationship and he was giving 25 percent...and it became too much

[salukigirl]

my current boyfriend used to do that all the time. i would ask him to go and volunteer at the humane society with me for just a few hours but he didnt want to. didnt care about any of the stuff im interested in. and im studying to be a vet....so if he doesnt care about animals.....thats kinda my whole life.

well i told him that i didnt want him anymore because the emotional connection was gone. i take an interest in sports, fantasy football and video games but he cant get interested in volunteering a few hours a week?

he has been trying and he has been making an effort to ask me about my day, about the shelter, ask me how im doing which he never did before.

so you have to be upfront. he might not even know what hes doing wrong. when i told jason, my boyfriend, what he was doing he was dumbfounded. he was like "i didnt know you wanted me to do all that?!". you cant expect a change overnight though. especially if hes going into the military. but if youre upfront with him he might listen. and if he doesnt then i think you have your answer already. if he really does love you he should want to try. get what im saying?

[howohsocliche]

:\ I appreciate your honesty, you aren't the first one to say this kind of thing.....Opens my eyes, at least.

[howohsocliche]

Funny, my boyfriend majored in Animal Vet Science. And his name is Jason. And he's into fantasy football and sports, lol. At least you two would get along Me? Just a Cubs fan, lol.

He left me a very sweet voicemail after that conversation we had, but there was no apology for what he said. I left him a voicemail back telling him why I was upset.

Usually when I tell him why I'm upset w/ him, he doesn't understand why there's an issue. He usually doesn't believe what he says is offensive...It's just "Honest". Then when I try and explain why it was upsetting, he gets annoyed. Maybe it comes across as nagging, I don't know.
It's not easy getting through to him.