[seeker1950]

I've posted here before about how my old high school sweetheart with whom I correspond via email. It has served its purpose for me, I suppose, ...a person to lean on during times of crisis, and he's been helpful in that respect. But lately, I've realized, because he's married and "will never leave his wife" that I've been using this as a "fix" for the void in my life. While we used to email each other several times a day, recently it has become hearing from him after a few weeks, with me fretting about the lack of communication. Also, he is scheduled to be down her near me in late Sept, and says he wants to see me again. I am thinking NOT. During his last visit here, three years ago, we kissed and hugged quite a bit, and had heartfelt talks, leaving me to recover emotionall, after which, for two years there has been a flurry of constant emails, until recently. I'm thinking I need to stop this, and accept that it has been a "fix" for me that will lead to nothing, and try to build a life for myself.
I should add that I heard from him yesterday about being nearby in late Sept and seeing me. I haven't responded and don't know what to do.
Patty

[Fuzzybear]

Sending you support, it sounds to me like you're making a good decision!
(re edit, it sounded like you'd already decided to let this slide....it's tough though!!)
((((((((((((((((( Patty ))))))))))))))))

[seeker1950]

Thanks, Fuzzy..
It's actually NOT a hard decision as I've come to the point where I want peace of mind. I just don't know what to say to him regarding his visit here. Should I say I'll be gone, or just tell him the truth about my current mindset? I really don't know what to do. We do have a valid connection with our impoverished upbringings in rural coal mining Appalachia, and our long history thru high school and college. He has stated in his emails that he wanted to marry me, but that is not the truth. He went on to Harvard and truly looked down on me. In later life, we reconnected, but I know in my heart, he would never have married me. He married UP! I don't want to deal with it any more.
Patty

[Wants2Fly]

I support whatever decision you make. As Fuzzybear wrote, it sounds like you know what to do, which won't make it easier.

Hugs and hugs

[seeker1950]

Thanks, Wants...
I value my current peace of mind. All my adult life I've had recurring dreams of him leaving me...going off to his other women...or (the most memorable) flying to his home in a fragile aircraft and crashing there only to find him gone. I haven't and won't answer his email of last evening in which he mentioned seeing me when he's here. I'll hear from him again, at which time, I'll have to decide how to respond, but I'm not up to seeing him.
Patty

[eskielover]

Patty,

I think from my own experiences, that I would just be honest with him. I have always found that being honest about my feelings has been the best thing for me. They are the ones that have to deal with the reality of what I am feeling or thinking. If we get into saying other things, they we have to keep track of what we said to whom.

Besides, that may be what he needs too is to be honest & he just hasn't found the way to say it.......thus the longer times between emails.

It's always nice to have someone to talk about past life experiences....expecially where you both came from. I met a person in KY from the same background (rural Appalachian coal mines). That is definitely a life style that is hard for anyone not familiar with it to ever imagine.....& it is nice to share.....but the truth about a relationship other than that at this point. I would just let it go, but I would be open & honest at the same time. I think it is usually best to not leave loose ends.

Just my opinion,
Debbie

[seeker1950]

You're right, Debbie, and I thank you for your valuable insights. I'll just be honest and brief when the time comes.
Patty