[PerfectlyBroken86]

Good evening. I have just joined this forum tonight and this the first time I have ever joined one of these. I suffer from anxiety and depression. I have recently gotten into a new relationship, it's been about 2 months. I have such bad relationship anxiety and was wondering if anyone else has experienced this and/or has advice on how to calm my anxieties. My boyfriend has done nothing wrong to me. He is a VERY busy man with full custody of two young children, owns his own business, and is in the process of selling his old house and buying a new one. Sometimes he doesn't reach out to me throughout the day as much as I'd like and it bothers me. Makes me think he doesn't care, but I see he is making an effort but I still get anxiety. He ALWAYS says good morning and we talk on the phone at night, but I still feel like it's not enough.I am always worried he will realize I'm not what he wants and disapear. This has been how I have felt in all my relationships so I know it is me. I have also been through many bad relationships and was neglected by my mother growing up. I constantly feel clingy to my boyfriend although I try not to show it. I am 30 years old and am to old to be worrying about such trivial matters. Does anyone have any ideas on how to cope with this or has anyone been through a similar situation? I would REALLY appreciate your feedback. Thanks you all!

[Maniae]

Simple answer is to just discuss it. What if he is feeling the same way and don't reach out throughout the day because he doesn't want to appear clingy either. Maybe send a .... thinking of you.... text during the day and see if he responds. Gradually increase.
And if u get the urge to text then the fear to not.... text the message to yourself....

[Bill3]

Does anyone have any ideas on how to cope with this

Have you been in therapy and if so how did it go?

I think therapy would be a very good idea.

Have you also considered the possibility that he's not the right guy for you because he cannot give you the time that you need? I know personally that I won't date men who are super busy with a full time job+ and kids and all sorts of other obligations. There's literally no room for me in that equation. There's nothing wrong with deciding that he cannot give you what you need and moving on.

[Erebos]

He sounds like he has a lot of responsibilities and in some ways that's a good thing. Gives you time to work on yourself.
He has chosen to be with you despite how busy he is, I would take this as a positive. Unlike many I don't think feeding into your needs is always healthy.
More importantly, how does he behave when he is around you? Is he loving, engaged and present? If so I strongly advise seeing someone to help you address your insecurities.
Are you working, what do you do during the day to keep busy?
Maybe you could ask if he could send a text during lunch, or maybe a quick call.

Not directed at you OP I just want to add,...

....This is the one thing I hate about the mobile phone generation. Everyone requires immediate responses to their needs and anxieties.

Once upon a time you just had to wait til they got home.
We forget the world won't end of we have to wait a couple of hours.

Well I have a few thoughts.

First of all 2 months is an awfully short period of time for you to be expecting a fuller commitment. You need to give this relationship a lot more time before you can have such expectations.

It seems to me that you have way more time on your hands than he does. Are you jealous perhaps he doesn't have more time to give you? Have you considered this? Perhaps you should.

It sounds like he is way over stretched in his life. You need to respect that. At only two months into the relationship it is far too early to be inserting yourself into his busy life and routine.

When it comes to communication you and he need to have a chat and come to an agreement about expectations and boundaries. It is unfair to expect that he stop what he is doing to be at your beck and call. For example, if texting were to be your preferred mode of communication set a standard regarding time frame for responding. Perhaps texting - and even calling - should be confined to only a certain time of day excluding emergencies.I know it would never occur to me to text my boyfriend while he is at work unless there was an emergency.

[PerfectlyBroken86]

Originally Posted by Erebos

He sounds like he has a lot of responsibilities and in some ways that's a good thing. Gives you time to work on yourself.
He has chosen to be with you despite how busy he is, I would take this as a positive. Unlike many I don't think feeding into your needs is always healthy.
More importantly, how does he behave when he is around you? Is he loving, engaged and present? If so I strongly advise seeing someone to help you address your insecurities.

Are you working, what do you do during the day to keep busy?
Maybe you could ask if he could send a text during lunch, or maybe a quick call.

Not directed at you OP I just want to add,...

....This is the one thing I hate about the mobile phone generation. Everyone requires immediate responses to their needs and anxieties.

Once upon a time you just had to wait til they got home.
We forget the world won't end of we have to wait a couple of hours.

Thank you for your feedback I really appreciate it. We he is around me he is great and very affectionate. Not to mention he makes time for me despite the fact that he really has hardly any time. We see eachother 3 times per week. Also, he has said good morning every morning for 2 months since we started dating and we talk on the phone at night before bed for like an hour. I mentioned to him that I want him to reach out more during the day and sometimes he does but sometimes he doesn't. In many people's opinion we prob talk enough through the day but I feel like my insecurities make me more needy. I don't want to be this way. I am a very busy person myself as I work full time (some weeks I work two jobs) and also go to the gym after work. This worrying and anxiety is draining my energy from the things that I really need to be focusing on. Any thoughts on how take my focus off of these worries? Also, I am going to counseling and it's helping a little bit. Thank you so much for listening 💜

You really do get a lot of his time considering this is a new relationship and he's so incredibly busy!

Honestly this kind of thing is why I stay out of relationships. I'm an adult with responsibilities yet far too often the other person wants me to drop my life and make everything about them 24/7. Really, nobody has time for that.

[PerfectlyBroken86]

Originally Posted by GoldenWaves

You really do get a lot of his time considering this is a new relationship and he's so incredibly busy!

Honestly this kind of thing is why I stay out of relationships. I'm an adult with responsibilities yet far too often the other person wants me to drop my life and make everything about them 24/7. Really, nobody has time for that.

You are right! I totally understand how you feel. I have responsibilities too. I work 2 jobs and am very focused on my fitness so I really don't have much time either yet in the back my head I get worried because I overthink everything and don't want these worries to affect my responsibilities.

[PerfectlyBroken86]

Originally Posted by justafriend306

Well I have a few thoughts.

First of all 2 months is an awfully short period of time for you to be expecting a fuller commitment. You need to give this relationship a lot more time before you can have such expectations.

It seems to me that you have way more time on your hands than he does. Are you jealous perhaps he doesn't have more time to give you? Have you considered this? Perhaps you should.

It sounds like he is way over stretched in his life. You need to respect that. At only two months into the relationship it is far too early to be inserting yourself into his busy life and routine.

When it comes to communication you and he need to have a chat and come to an agreement about expectations and boundaries. It is unfair to expect that he stop what he is doing to be at your beck and call. For example, if texting were to be your preferred mode of communication set a standard regarding time frame for responding. Perhaps texting - and even calling - should be confined to only a certain time of day excluding emergencies.I know it would never occur to me to text my boyfriend while he is at work unless there was an emergency.

Thank you for your feedback. I agree with you on many things you said. That's why I am working on my issues. 😊

[Bill3]

What has your counselor suggested to help you address the anxiety?