Issues in my realtionship

My fiance all the time complains about my housekeeping skills and says he won't marry me til they change but I am holding out on changing them because I have tried in the past to meet his demands on what he wanted me do to have a baby. He promised me almost two years ago that if I got to my 90 days at a job we would try for a baby and then when my 90 days came he added more to it. I feel this will end the same way. I have told him that if he would just marry me he would get what he wants and it's true he would. I am just fighting him on it because I feel like I will get nothing in return if I change my cleaning habits. I am trying to drive him crazy enough to give me what I want so I will give him what he wants. I want what I want first so I can be certain this won't end like the baby thing did. I love my fiance and I just want him to marry me. Does anyone think I am doing the right thing or am I being childish and going about this wrong. I have been burned by every guy I have been with in the past so I do not trust anything with a penis between their legs. All men lie so I feel this is just another lie that he is telling me. I feel like he just saying these things to get what he wants and then I will get nothing in return. Please keep in mind when posting it's not just him I don't trust it's all men. I can never trust a man as there hasn't been a single man who has ever shown themselves to be worthy of my trust. I find a guy who I think may be worthy of my trust and then realize how stupid I am being by trusting a man and then I ration with myself that their a man so they can not be trust as all men are the same as much as they would say their not all the same they are all the same.

If you can't truly trust your Fiancé, then why are you marrying him?

Does not compute....

IMHO, you're nowhere near ready to be thinking about marriage, let alone bringing a new life into this world.

Run for the nearest exit and run fast. I'm not even joking. I'm telling you from experience this guy will not marry and he's just going to string you along. My cousin went through the same thing that you are going through and after fulfilling all of his and his parents conditions for 6 years, he told her he wasn't ready. She ditched the guy and got married to someone else in 3 months and she couldn't be happier. From what you're saying it's clear that your fiance is not a man of his word, why would you want to be with someone like that or even have a kid with him? What kind of values is he going to instill in your kids?

I'm sorry you feel this way. This doesn't look like a very healthy relationship.. are you sure he's the right man for you? You've also sai you've had relationship problems in the past; maybe try to work on that, first? Good luck

Honestly, I would leave him, and start seeing a T to work out your deep seeded desire to want to manipulate people to get what you want, and this near obsessive want to have a baby. ONLY AFTER working through these issues would I recommend going out there and starting to date again. You honestly have a lot of work ahead of you before you can even CONSIDER having a kid yet.

I have tried working on these issues but I still don't trust anyone. If I stayed single because of my trust issues I would die single and alone because I will never trust anyone.

I think that you're possibly making excuses for this guy's bad behavior because you don't trust any guy. But the thing is that this guy is treating you very poorly. He's manipulating you and stringing you along with false hopes. I don't think he wants to marry you. I don't think he wants to have a baby. I think that his demands are his way of delaying these events so that he can keep you in his life (and keep having a steady supply of sex?) but doesn't have to marry you and doesn't have to have a baby. If he truly loved you he wouldn't be manipulating you.

In short, no wonder you don't trust guys when you are getting involved with guys like this!

I think that maybe you are choosing these bad men because that is how you are used to being treated.

I think that it would be best to get away from this guy as fast as you can.

I know why I do things the way I do it's because I learned when growing up from my mom that the only way to get what you want or to get attention from people you act out and throw fits. My mom would never pay attention to me unless I did those things so now I do it with everyone in my life.

But staying with Jerks (with a capital J) like this one is not the answer.

You have reasons to not trust him. He is a manipulative liar. Why would you want to trick your mind into trusting a liar? It makes no sense!

Well you know that is not good behavior so are you going to work on changing that?

Can I ask how old you are?

Your only half right. I don't choose men like this because it's used to how I am being treated it's because I desver to be treated this way. I have been a horrible person in my life. This is the only way he is a bad guy other than this he is the sweetest guy around but I don't honestly believe I desver to be treated any better than guys treating me like this. I love him very much and walking away is not something I am willing to do. We actually were going to get married last year and we called it off because I lost my job. He was actually planning it with me and had picked out his grooms men and even had input on what he wanted it to be so I don't think that he is stringing me along I honestly think he is like this because he has his mom talking in his ear. We set a new date and he told me the other day if I keep on the path of working like I am that he will give me everything I want. He was even the one who picked the date. We are supposed to get married 10/28/2017. He does a lot around here and I tend to be very lazy and blame it on the fact that I work 10 hour days and all he ask of me is to do the dishes and keep my area where I sit clean and I don't even do that. His demands aren't unreasonable I just think I may be using the baby thing as an excuse to try and get what I want faster because at almost 27 I can't wait much longer. I have baby fever like crazy and he grew up in a very tradintional family were both his parents worked and his mom still did all the housework so I guess he wants a woman like his mom I don't know.

I will be 27 in June.

Can i ask you something? How long do you wait before you get into a new one? I'm only asking you this because it seems like you need to give yourself time to heal. Don't force yourself to be in a relationship because you're worried of dying alone. Stop putting yourself through misery for no reason. When the time is right the right man will come into your life and everything will fall into place on its own. I know I might sound cheesy but trust me. I wish you all the best

I don't wait. I don't like being alone and I can't stand the idea of being single. I think part of our problem is that our relationship moved way too fast and now he is trying to slow things down a bit and I am fighting him on it. I am not saying too fast as in we have been together a year and engaged and planning on getting married. I am saying too fast as in we met and the same night I was living with him. I was living with my mom when we met and he had his own place. It was like we got together after like 1 date and after that date there has not been a moment in almost 5 years were we haven't lived together. I think he is delaying these events because he knows we went way too fast in the early years of our relationship and now wants to slow things down so we can make sure this is what we both want because neither of us believe in divorce and I don't want to get married to someone and then realize down the road that it was the biggest mistake of my life and end up doing the one thing I said I never would do.

Divorce is totally an option. Don't eliminate it.

Anyways, I don't really get why you fear being alone, yet don't trust anyone enough to be completely honest and open with them. Without complete honesty and openness, a relationship isn't going to work. It's just a sham of a relationship. This is what you need to work on. Loving yourself and embracing the world of being single for a while. Go see a therapist about these issues. I implore you.

Not for me it's not. Once I am married divorce isn't an option. There isn't really anything in a marriage that can't be worked out unless it's domestic abuse or cheating other than that you can work out anything in a marriage. I grew up in a home with divorced parents and I told myself I will never get divorced. I think divorce is the lazy way out not trying to be rude but that's the way I feel when I get married divorce will not be a word I use ever. I will make that commitment in front of God and everybody and I want to honor God with that commitment so for me divorce is not an option ever. Me and my fiance fight once were married he will be told to take his *** in the other room and calm down because we will work this out.

Divorce isn't lazy. Why would you even think that? God would want a person to be happy, not stuck in a hopeless and loveless marriage. Being in a hopeless and loveless marriage is a living hell, from what I've seen. I would rather divorce than live in THAT kind of hell.

I don't see you and your fiancé ever getting married, TBH, because you are refusing to address the elephant in the room. Your trust issues. You NEED to learn to love yourself before you can even begin to LOVE SOMEONE ELSE!!!!

However, I can't make a person do what I know is best for them. Only suggest what they can do to better themselves.

I quit seeing a therapist because I hate them. Most of them have told me that my PTSD is not justified because what happened to my mom did not happen to me and there for I have no reason to be effected by it. I have tried working on loving myself but even after almost 13 years and several therapist later I still hate myself and trust no one. There is not a single person in my life that I am completely open and honest with. This is the only place I feel comfortable talking to people. I have sever social anxiety so I can't talk to a therapist face to face because I don't even trust them and I am scared of everyone around me even if they have never hurt me. I am even scared of my boss at work and he is the nicest guy around. People scare me and that's another reason I don't see a therapist because it's a person face to face with me. At least none of you know me or what I look like so no one can judge me based on that. That is the only reason I feel comfortable posting on here.

Then you're not ready to be in a relationship. Until you can trust, relationships should be the LAST thing on your mind.

I am not trying to fight you on this but you don't understand I will never trust anyone as long as I live I am not that stupid to trust anyone as the only thing people do is lie and hurt others. People don't give a **** about anyone but themselves so by your logic I will die alone and I am not willing to do that as trusting anyone is not something I will ever do because trusting anyone is stupid. I don't even trust women. I only come on here because no one here knows me so I don't have to fear being judged by y'all.

Relationships don't work without trust. It's that simple. I'm not saying you'll die alone. You just need to work on being honest, trusting and open is all, and a therapist can help you with that. Until then, you're just not ready. I'm sorry.

I have tried to love myself but I see nothing to love about myself expect for my eyes. I hate everything else about myself I am about 20-30 pounds over weight. I am ugly. I pretty stupid most of the time but not stupid enough to trust anyone. It's not that I refuse to address it it's that I have tried addressing it for 13 years and every time I get switched to a new therapist I find a new person to not trust. I had one therapist in 13 years that I trusted and then she left and I got switched to someone new who I hated. I would love to see the only therapist I ever trusted again but the problem with that is I aged out of where she works as the only see children ages 18 and under I am almost 27 and so I can't go back to her.

Look, you have social anxiety, right? Then work on that first and foremost. I can't recommend exposure therapy enough. Find a therapist who specializes in anxiety disorders for starters. It's not that hard. Right now, I feel you're using excuses as a reason to not work on yourself. I should know, I'm the Queen of that sort of behavior.

If you never fix what's broken, and learn to trust, how can you ever expect to love anyone, let a lone a child?

I know this but the other problem with seeing a therapist is I have no insurance so even if I found another therapist I trusted I couldn't afford to see them as I don't qualify for government health insurance because I make too much and have no children and in the state I live in past 18 or so if you don't have children they won't give you government funded health insurance. I can't afford anything on the market place as they want to charge me $200 and something a month for just me. I can not afford that has I have other bills to pay like a car payment and without my car I can not get back and fourth to work. I cannot afford therapy I wish I could because I know I need to address these issues but it is not an affordable option.

Doesn't your job have benefits? A job that pays as much as you're implying should at least have health benefits.