Up until recently I hadn't had a problem with facebook. I think this was because for a long time I had a very small friend list and they were all people I knew in real life and liked.

I would say it got more complicated recently with a few people I felt obliged to add because they requested and I did not like to refuse. This has mainly been work. Most of my colleagues add each other, and sure enough I got requests, a few I was okay with, most tbh I wasn't really, but I work with these people and snubbing them didn't feel right.

Most recently I got a request from a supervisor, my heart sank. Yes he is an okay guy, I like working with him, but he & I would never be friends outside of work, we have nothing in common. But he's my supervisor so I felt compelled to accept. I looked through his timeline and most of it is benign family stuff but there was some pretty controversial stuff around the London terrorist attack. It made me feel uncomfortable. I'd rather not know these things about his personal thoughts.

I post rarely, it's mostly to share social photos etc, and I don't go out much so there's not much of that. But even so I have been through my settings limiting what he and other colleagues can see.

It's such a minefield! Sometimes I wish I'd never joined, but there again it has been useful in keeping in touch and nearly everyone does it these days.

Trying to keep out my head the stuff this supervisr posted, but it's going to be tricky for me - I wish I could 'unsee'.

I say things on PC that I would NEVER say on fb. Though my image becomes less and less of a worry as I age because most of my career opportunities have come and gone--you do have to be careful what you post on fb because a future employer or client could look. I have just accepted that I can only hint to my "real" fb friends my deepest issues. We have said that we are looking forward to getting together again someday (two friends from my youth who live on the other side of the country). This is why fb is not as good as seeing friends face to face IRL. It beats being isolated though. You are in a conundrum. Perhaps keep these "friends" but ditch them when you no longer work where you are now. Chances are, you will not have that job forever.....

Also, consider this, if you are ever laid off (happens so much nowadays) having your boss as a fb friend will make it easier to reach out to him if you need a reference when looking for another job......

[Sunflower123]

You are in a sticky situation. Are there any circumstances under which you could unfriend this supervisor? It appears that could potentially be an even stickier situation. Maybe other posters will have some idea of how to extract yourself but right now hopingtrying has the best way to handle it as uncomfortable as it may be. Best wishes.

Thanks. I think I've done the best thing I can, accept the request but put settings so he's very limited in what he can see, will also 'unfollow' (but not unfriend as that is something he would know about) so I don't see his posts.

Hoping, that is a really good point about having him as a future contact, I didn't even think about that. Sometimes I don't see what's at the end of my nose.

I think I'm basically cross with myself because I told myself I would never add people unless they were friends and now I find a good smattering of those on my friend list are not. It's kind of a cognitive dissonance.

I think facebook can feel 'private' sometimes, especially when we are sharing photos of good times with other friends who were with us but it's anything but.

I think the last few weeks running up to the elections with the terrorist attacks there have been a lot of things said and shared on fb which are not so good to share. There's been a lot of anger out there and fb is a platform some use to vent from. I'm warier of it than I was before.

Basically I'm on it for the cute animal videos.

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by prefabsprout

Up until recently I hadn't had a problem with facebook. I think this was because for a long time I had a very small friend list and they were all people I knew in real life and liked.

I would say it got more complicated recently with a few people I felt obliged to add because they requested and I did not like to refuse. This has mainly been work. Most of my colleagues add each other, and sure enough I got requests, a few I was okay with, most tbh I wasn't really, but I work with these people and snubbing them didn't feel right.

Most recently I got a request from a supervisor, my heart sank. Yes he is an okay guy, I like working with him, but he & I would never be friends outside of work, we have nothing in common. But he's my supervisor so I felt compelled to accept. I looked through his timeline and most of it is benign family stuff but there was some pretty controversial stuff around the London terrorist attack. It made me feel uncomfortable. I'd rather not know these things about his personal thoughts.

I post rarely, it's mostly to share social photos etc, and I don't go out much so there's not much of that. But even so I have been through my settings limiting what he and other colleagues can see.

It's such a minefield! Sometimes I wish I'd never joined, but there again it has been useful in keeping in touch and nearly everyone does it these days.

Trying to keep out my head the stuff this supervisr posted, but it's going to be tricky for me - I wish I could 'unsee'.

This is all why I left FB. But that's not my main point, I am not here to advise that, that's up to you. What I will say is that I understand your problem of feeling obligated to add people sometimes.

FB is just, plainly and simply, too intrusive for acquaintances. It should be a platform for very close people you trust because the potential of seeing or sharing things that casual friends dont' need to know is so high.

You have every right though, to deny and/or remove friends from your fb. Thing is, it doesn't have to be personal and you can tell the people that you deny that this is the case, that you don't use fb for anyone but very close friends, and that it is across the board and not about them. Same if you feel the need to remove a few friends that aren't close enough to trust.

That's what I would do. The key here in doing this successfully without too much repercussion is being consistent. If you say that you're going to restrict your fb like I said above, do so, and do so diligently and consistently. Once you tell someone that you are strict and then let another casual and common friend in, the chance is that they will question why the rule change and why for others but not them.

or if you feel the need, leave fb. I have been off of fb for a good 2 months I think and I feel no need to go back nor do I feel I am missing something. Life goes on.

[MickeyCheeky]

I bet you aren't the only person struggling with similar issues - although it seems like you're handilng it quite well at the moment. Kudos to you

[seeker1950]

I have a LOT of FB friends, and I find that some of them, a few, continually post politically radical views with which I disagree. It's disturbing, and I, of course, do not respond. I've used the "unfollow" feature with those folks, just to avoid seeing their posts. They are not "unfriended," and still remain on my friends' list. But I suspect something on FB reveals to them that I've done this. I have no idea why or how, but I think it's the case on FB.

I never post personal things on FB, just mostly friendly pics of animals, inspirational sayings, sometimes of my travels, and my art. The folks I've "unfollowed" no longer respond, and that's why I think somehow they know. That's okay, I guess. When I check their FB friends' pages, they are still active, posting their political rants. I would never post such, as my friends are a very varied spectrum of politics, and I wouldn't offend. Why do these folks think it's okay to do such?

[DechanDawa]

It sounds like you aren't happy with including work people on your Facebook. I know it is radical but you can eliminate them all! Nothing is going to come of it. If someone asks you (which I doubt) you can say you decided to keep Facebook just for family and immediate friends. I think everyone should understand that. It seems perfectly legitimate.(You don't need to keep someone on FB for a future work reference.)

I only have about 15 people on FB (friends/family) and rarely check it. My FB is open to the public. It isn't that interesting but It has my basic background stuff in case someone wants to check that out. I have way too many pictures of horses from when I was working with them. It would be boring for anyone to scroll through my photos! Now I follow people on Instagram. I think is more interesting. I like to follow people with hobbies or a business that interests me.

If I saw that someone I befriended was selective in what they wanted me to see on their account I would probably eliminate them. However, I don't even know...if people have done that with me...because I don't bother to look. ( I have always suspected you can't really tell if someone has done this.)

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by seeker1950

But I suspect something on FB reveals to them that I've done this. I have no idea why or how, but I think it's the case on FB.

I've unfollowed quite a number of people when I was on fb. They are not notified even if you unfriend them. They only see that you are no longer in their friends' list. When you unfollow there is nothing to indicate that this happened because you remain in their friends list.

There is no notification for such things. that would just be bad design on facebook's part.

[DechanDawa]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

I've unfollowed quite a number of people when I was on fb. They are not notified even if you unfriend them. They only see that you are no longer in their friends' list. When you unfollow there is nothing to indicate that this happened because you remain in their friends list.

There is no notification for such things. that would just be bad design on facebook's part.

Maybe it would be a bad design but it is kind of creepy. But then, Facebook is...kind of creepy.

I took on board what you all wrote, thanks for your input, and decided to take the middle ground. Since I last posted I got yet another request from another colleague.

I have accepted them all, so as not to upset anyone but put them on restricted settings, and will unfollow as I see fit. It's a bit of a cowards way out but with this being work I absolutely don't want to make waves.

Over all this made me realise facebook creates anxiety within me and so rather than deactivate or delete my account (I really do need it for my activity groups communications) I chose to delete the app on my phone. I had noticed I was checking it compulsively, and if it isn't on my phone then I can't do that. I'll still get email alerts so if anything important pops up I'll still know.

I'm feeling a lot better already.