[samj40]

Over the years I've had to sever a few unhealthy friendships, or just friendships that went from being wonderful to draining.

I cut two of my ex best friends out of my life because one was emotionally abusive and the other decided to ghost me, so I left it. Another old friend was very 'my way or the highway' so, after too many chances, I left that alone too. A recent friend decided that she 'had no respect for transgender people', and I'm trans, so I'm ready to leave her behind as well.

My old psychiatrist encouraged me to leave any relationship that drained me, because bad relationships really mess with my head. I realise it's not always 100% easy, but I have my boundaries. I figure once those boundaries are crossed, I'm done.

That's healthy, isn't it?

But meanwhile my mental health support worker is telling me I should give these people second or third chances, like I have NOTHING to be upset over. Ummmm?

It's taken me all of my 28 years to grow a spine and to stop letting people use and abuse me. But now I'm being told I'm overreacting and need to consider the other people. As in, I should forgo my boundaries and let people stomp all over me again? Uh...

So I'm really confused. Am I overreacting? Should these people really be given more chances? (Some of them have had 3-4 already, ha...)

[gayleggg]

I think only you can decide if these people have crossed your boundaries too many times and how you feel about it. Sounds like you have given them plenty of chances. And it depends on how draining they are. Sound like to me that you are doing a fine job of standing up for yourself.

[Bill3]

[Trippin2.0]

You're doing a good job! Be proud of yourself

There's a huge difference between giving people chances because they screw up, and keeping people around who are toxic to your wellbeing.

You have clearly detoxed, so whoever has told you not to overreact needs to listen and understand more carefully.

[winter4me]

Trust yourself on this one.

[mama pajama]

How did you feel right after dropping the 'friends'? Not 10 minutes later or after you thought about it but the moment you decided you were done? If you felt relief or good it was absolutely the correct thing to do. I had a therapist who told me my mom couldn't have been that mentally ill while I was young because the house was clean. I understand his reasoning but 5 years ago she was diagnosed schizophrenic and is definitely mentally ill, she also still has a clean house. I'd actually switch therapists if I were you but that's your call.

[Grandessa]

There are some really sick therapists out there. It's harmful for someone to undermine your growing self awareness and protection. Trust yourself.

I had a recent therapist tell me something similar about friendships. I'm still confused and in the thick of it. But it sounds like you have set clear boundaries and that sounds good to me! It's your choice to have someone in your life or not.

[MickeyCheeky]

To me, you're doing a good thing.. however, it's you who has to decide. Analyze the situation and see if it's the case to give a second chance to someone.