[asylumgardens]

My mom and dad have been divorced almost 10 years now. My mom never really said mean things about my dad, and there was a while when my dad wasn't part of my life. Now that he is part of it, my mom says incredibly hurtful things to me about him. She has admitted at one point that she was jealous, but that hasn't stopped her from being mean. I'm not a confrentational person, so I don't know how to handle it. She also is butting in on my life all the time. I'm 22 years old, and she does stuff like call my therapist because she doesn't believe that I tell her the right things about her (my mom) or like my cellphone battery died last night, and when I checked my messages today, she had left me 6 voicemails.. who knows how many times she called and didn't leave a message!

I think she feels like she has more of a right to me than my dad does, but I don't feel that way.. he's my dad, I shouldn't feel guilty about having him in my life. Her dad wasn't in her life for 25 years, and she just got him back, so she should know how I feel.. I don't know how to handle any of this

[SeptemberMorn]

When and if your mom is ragging on your dad, saying mean things about HIM tell her what my kids told me. "He may be an a**hole, but he's MY a**hole so keep it to yourself! I don't like it when you talk that way about him."

As for her calling your T, she should know by now that your T can't share ANYTHING about you with her. That one is up to your T to stop, I would think.

When your mom asks you questions or gives her opinion on YOUR life, tell her that you appreciate her caring but that you're an adult now and are learning how to live YOUR life the best way you can, on your own, that you have your own mistakes to make and own successes to be happy about.

Good luck!

[asylumgardens]

Thanks for the advice.. I guess what she does is a little more subtle though. My T had talked about possibilites of me being bipolar, and a quick talk about my mom and she said my mom has A LOT of the signs, so I simply asked my mom if she had ever spoken to her doctor about it, and she got very offended and started saying stuff like "i know your father has a lot of mental problems" etc, etc.. and while I know he's depressed, I also know he has no signs of manic stuff, so it felt like she was just being mean saying that.. that's just one example.

As for calling my T, she's not exactly trying to get information.. she just thinks I'm making stuff up or whatever about my mom to my T, so my mom wanted to tell her herself or something, but I really don't appreciate her doing that..

[bebop]

I agree with september on this. and tell your T to set your mom straight on this. my mom was the same way. jealous was not even the word for it! ugh!