[b1ghr0ll3r]

Firstly I'd like to thank anyone who takes the time to read this cause it's going to be quiet lengthy & im not very goo at pouring my heart out.
In June last year I got sexually involved with a guy from my local pub. We didn't know eachother very well but he seemed nice enough. We slept together the first time, no issues. A few days later we got into an argument because I made a detour when I was on my way to his house & he basically told me to shove it & lose his number. Fair enough whatever. A few days later he messaged me saying to come over (I couldn't, I'd been awake for 3 days straight partying & was too much of a mess) so I agreed to go the next night. Went there things were great & went and stayed the following night also. Low and behold a few days later I'm again told to shove it & lose his number & was messaged a few days after to come over. He picked me up went to his house & basically said "do you want to start a relationship with me" (as if notice he was becoming jealous & possessive) & we started a relationship ! Lasted short of a month, during which time he'd stop talking to me for days so I'd go on meth binges & then he'd talk to me again & id stop, I also ended up on the phone to one of his exs who told me he was still sleeping with her- in hindsight I should of listened & got rid of him). The relationship ended because he found out I was still talking to an ex, I got called every name under the sun it was just ugly. A few days after it ended he asked me to go to his house for sex which ended on an argument & me walking home. I went on Facebook & found out he was in ANOTHER relationship already ! I used a fake profile to message her and warn her he's a cheater. I didn't really hear from him again til October he contacted me through Facebook. I saw him a few times, the last time ended with me & him back "together" 4 days later I got a phone call from a girl asking who I was & all this other **** & it turned out he was still banging the one he was with after me. He said he wanted to go back to her. I didn't take it well & tried to OD & spent 4 days in a mental health unit after a night in ER. I never gave him the satisfaction of knowing what I did. I was hurting & my soul was really hurting because I was dumb enough to believe we loved eachother but the feelings weren't reciprocated. He got in contact with me, I've seen him on and off since. He always messages me asking for sexual photos or videos & ive been giving in. I need to call it quits somehow but I just don't know how. He's 13 years older than me & has 6 kids so he's had a chance to live his life & has a lot of love in his life but if I keep this going I'm never going to be able to experience these things for myself. He's psychologically abusive & always has been. He cheated on me several times & has continuous legal issues (one of the main events I was there for & lucky the police didn't arrest me too!). I try really hard to see the good in him & I do see it. I try really hard to picture a future with him but I don't see an easy one. He tries to convince me I'm special & there's no one else but it's a load of **** ! He's the biggest sleaze I know !
By now you can tell I'm probably flogging a dead horse (for lack of a better phrase). How do I end this ? I don't wanna let go of him but it's really hurting me. I've taken my feelings away from the situation but it's been hard. I do care about him & I've fallen more in love with him as time has gone on but he's terrible for me. I was even almost 3 months clean of meth & he waived it in my face again (been off it again for nearly 6 weeks). We have had some really great times together, I absolutely adore his kids (the ones I've met) & I adore him despite all of the seemingly ****** things he's done but he doesn't love me & he doesn't want to be stable & settled with anyone otherwise we would be. Throughout this "relationship" (&by relationship I mean the entire situation) Ilmy mental health has declined & ive tried to kill myself twice (only one I can really blame on the situation no matter how much of a cop out it seems) & ive had medications increased & added. My drinking got a lot worse but has improved since my mental health has stabilised. It feels like the only thing that matters is what he wants & I give him what he wants because I don't want him to go anywhere else for it (even though I'm 100% sure he's sleeping with other people). I don't know how much longer this can go on without me deteriorating any more...
Any advice or constructive criticism would be helpful. I'm besides myself at the moment.

I read your whole post and honestly think you should dump him and have nothing else to do with him again.

[b1ghr0ll3r]

Thanks scaredandconfused , I'm thinking that's the only way to really go from here. He wanted to know what I'm doing tonight, tried to call & I missed it & I told him I'm having a quiet one. Wonder if he'll get the hint

Block him everywhere. Facebook, email, phone. Start taking care of your mental health first and foremost. You are worth it. He is not. He sounds like a huge loser. When you think about going back to him, you are probably trying to soothe an emotional or physical need you have. Try finding other, healthier ways to get your needs met. Remember this post and all he puts you through. You deserve to be treated well!

[b1ghr0ll3r]

Thank you startysky. It's gonna be tough but it's something I'm gonna have to do.

Let us know how it goes and if you need more support.
It might be hard. So be kind to yourself along the way.
Also this: https://forums.psychcentral.com/copi...s-toolbox.html maybe it will help you

[Erebos]

That isn't a relationship. That's fuc buddies, and your not even buddies. So you were two people who liked each other enough to have sex a lot.
Meth,will do that, totally screws the lines of reasonable behaviour and expectations.
I suspect if you stayed off it for a few weeks you would wonder what you were even doing talking to the douche.

Block him delete all numbers, and no keeping a contact "just in case" . He isn't a friend, or a mate, he is barely even an acquaintance, you just happen to work in bed. Terrible foundation for a relationship,especially because on uppers the thing's you'll put up with aren't what you would put up with normally.
(14years on amphetamines, so been there.)

Please please, just walk away luv . You KNOW he is screwing other people, that isn't gonna change anytime soon.

Pull yourself up and stop replying to his calls. He clicks his fingers and you go running?
Stop kidding yourself that what you have is something more than two people with an itch to scratch.

If you can accept that's all it is, then that's fine. Ignore all the other women, for god sake use protection, and stop expecting anything emotional from him.

If you want a relationship, go someplace else because he WON'T give you one.

Here wake up Hon.

All the best, and be kind to yourself.

[Trippin2.0]

How do you draw the line?

Hard and fast, rip it off like a band aide.

Block delete and leave it behind you, archive it under "lessons learned"

Where to draw the line?

At the point where you know that despite what you think you may feel, its not reciprocated and definitely not leading to anywhere healthy. Which should be clear in your situation, not only do you struggle to stay clean, he's mentally abusive, you've tried to off yourself AND he has no problem potentially passing on diseases to you.

Love and respect yourself enough to know you deserve better...

No matter how much you want it, he is not it and never will be.

[MickeyCheeky]

Wow, it sounds horrible.. please, don't have anything to do with him and delete all your contacts with him and I'm sorry for what have you been through

[b1ghr0ll3r]

Thanks so much everyone for the advice. I honestly can't believe I've let this go this far & for so long. If anyone else had of tried this crap with me they would of been gone within a few days & id never talk to them again. ive let this man manipulate me & ive encouraged it by being receptive to it. Can't believe I've let this bother me as much as it has either, guess ya live & learn. Cheers again everyone ❤️

[Erebos]

Good luck, don't punish yourself, he has done enough of that. And remember meth screws up all your senses, it can even make u think you love someone you don't.
Especially if you associate the come down with being alone. It will feel even worse than normal.
Give yourself time away. And don't let him bribe you with drugs. Each time he does that he is treAting you like a who're, and paying for your time

All the best, and remember we are here if your hitting a low.