[ravenjade]

So here I am I should be happy but instead I am finding I just want to stay in bed an cry....

a little back story: last fall my daughter and I moved in with my best friend and her family to get us away from an abusive situation. just after Christmas we were asked to start finding a new place to live because they just don't have the money for us to stay. My Boyfriend found a place for us.

so now to today: we are moving in to are new place which is stressful as it is. my daughter grabbed every thing she had in her room at my friends house. since being told we need to move she hasn't been as nice as she use too. so my daughter was scared to tell her that a small amount of paint came off when she took a pitcher off the wall so being a teen she took nail polish to cover it up. I am not saying what she did was ok but my friend is now acting like it is the end of the world. I have been messaged about how hurt and upset she is by this. I have offed to pay for sandpaper and paint. now she is saying she wants my daughter to say she is sorry but my daughter does not want to talk to this person at the moment, She dosent want to fight with her over this. she is sorry but that truly isn't good enough. I just don't know what to do. force my daughter to say sorry and deal with hurtful things she will say or say nothing further on the matter. this has already been going on for 3 days now. also we did not get much time to relay pack our stuff up because we only get certain time we can come over there even thought up till last weekend we still technically lived there. My stuff is still there so I still have to go back there.

[mc2ed]

First....CRY...go ahead and let yourself cry....it is the best thing....

I am only throwing out thoughts...as I wish to be helpful....There may be a factor with your friend...who could be feeling a lot of negative things about herself also...in the having to ask you to leave....and so this fingernail polish is what she is going to attach to....and take those emotions away from her and on to someone else....it is probably not about the fingernail polish at all....

Some times just letting yourself be vulnerable with someone who is angry defuses the situation...because anger is not the true emotion...it is always covering up something else...and anger is the dressing to hide it.....

say....you have offered to pay for the repair.....you know it wasn't intentional...and that we are all under too much stress...and your daughter isn't an adult and you don't want to escalate the situation because your daughter is hurting too...and she might act out....just tell her You are sorry it happened....that you love her...and you are thankful for her helping you...you don't want to lose her friendship over what has occurred....tell her again you will repair it....

then if she is not agreeable still...when you go the last time leave the money anyway...

Sometimes there is nothing you can do to mend hurt...especially if there is someone acting out upon hidden emotions...the only thing you can do....is change the way YOU respond....keep telling her you are sorry it happened...and you are thankful for the friend she has been.......then every time you see her act lovingly towards her....either enough time will pass and your loving attitude will open some pathway or it won't....this is someone being unreasonable....and you can not reason with it...so try and act the softest way you can towards her....if you wish to keep the friendship....

Once I let someone stay at my home....getting her away from an abusive relation ship....we were good and then she quit talking to me....I just kept leaving loving messages....and then it came the reason why.....she was ashamed of herself....because of things she did.....we worked through it...she kept thinking I was going to judge her...

I am sorry this is happening to you....women should never be homeless...we are nesters....it makes us crazy....just try and keep settling yourself for you and your daughter...that is the best thing you can do....

Okay...I am done throwing words at you....I hope you find a solution that works for you....

[unaluna]

Sounds like your friend is trying to go all Nanny 911 on you and your daughter. But you dont have to let her, just because she let the both of you stay there.

Her "contract" was with you, not your daughter. Unless your daughter is over 18, then maaaaaybe. Still, if you are willing to take the responsibility for your daughters actions, that should be enough for your friend.

Judge Judy might be able to get your daughter to apologize, but Judge Judy isnt there to make sure your friend stays civil and polite and kind towards your daughter.

[ravenjade]

Originally Posted by mc2ed

First....CRY...go ahead and let yourself cry....it is the best thing....

I am only throwing out thoughts...as I wish to be helpful....There may be a factor with your friend...who could be feeling a lot of negative things about herself also...in the having to ask you to leave....and so this fingernail polish is what she is going to attach to....and take those emotions away from her and on to someone else....it is probably not about the fingernail polish at all....

Some times just letting yourself be vulnerable with someone who is angry defuses the situation...because anger is not the true emotion...it is always covering up something else...and anger is the dressing to hide it.....

say....you have offered to pay for the repair.....you know it wasn't intentional...and that we are all under too much stress...and your daughter isn't an adult and you don't want to escalate the situation because your daughter is hurting too...and she might act out....just tell her You are sorry it happened....that you love her...and you are thankful for her helping you...you don't want to lose her friendship over what has occurred....tell her again you will repair it....

then if she is not agreeable still...when you go the last time leave the money anyway...

Sometimes there is nothing you can do to mend hurt...especially if there is someone acting out upon hidden emotions...the only thing you can do....is change the way YOU respond....keep telling her you are sorry it happened...and you are thankful for the friend she has been.......then every time you see her act lovingly towards her....either enough time will pass and your loving attitude will open some pathway or it won't....this is someone being unreasonable....and you can not reason with it...so try and act the softest way you can towards her....if you wish to keep the friendship....

Once I let someone stay at my home....getting her away from an abusive relation ship....we were good and then she quit talking to me....I just kept leaving loving messages....and then it came the reason why.....she was ashamed of herself....because of things she did.....we worked through it...she kept thinking I was going to judge her...

I am sorry this is happening to you....women should never be homeless...we are nesters....it makes us crazy....just try and keep settling yourself for you and your daughter...that is the best thing you can do....

Okay...I am done throwing words at you....I hope you find a solution that works for you....

Your word was what I needed to here. I have tried to solve it but I will not make my daughter say she is sorry when she is scared to talk to her. I will just keep trying to do what I can with out stressing my self out either. all she seems to want to do it fight right now so there really does seem to be more too it. again thanks!

[ravenjade]

Originally Posted by unaluna

Sounds like your friend is trying to go all Nanny 911 on you and your daughter. But you dont have to let her, just because she let the both of you stay there.

Her "contract" was with you, not your daughter. Unless your daughter is over 18, then maaaaaybe. Still, if you are willing to take the responsibility for your daughters actions, that should be enough for your friend.

Judge Judy might be able to get your daughter to apologize, but Judge Judy isnt there to make sure your friend stays civil and polite and kind towards your daughter.

Thank you it is always nice to know that what I am trying to do isn't wrong and that others see it too. its a frustration situation when you have been friends with someone for so long but every time something small seems to upset her to the point where she does not want to be my friend. thanks you!